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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my wages to save for my course

33 replies

dawn96 · 16/02/2019 09:13

I work twice a week in a club where I worked before getting pregnant and my wages aren’t much really ,my partner didn’t even want me to work there he’d rather me just stay and look after the kids but I really want to do this course ,I’ve been saving my wages so that I can do the course and become a fully trained lash and nail tech so I can work my own hours around my kids and my sister has a nail table in her salon she said I can use so it’s a sure starter ,He says I need to contribute to bills and I know I do but I don’t understand why I can’t do this after I’ve paid for my course ,Were not struggling with money at all he’s self employed and we’re always on top of bills and he goes out a lot to places like York for the day out drinking etc so I really feel it’s unfair that he says he needs my money for the bills ,I haven’t said no I’m not helping with bills and I do want too so it’s not like “this is my money I want it” I can’t make money off of what I’m actually qualified to do anymore so I don’t see why it’s better for me to keep picking up these shifts working awful hours than to start my own business too. Should I just wait until I can work full time to save or should he allow me these few months to pay for this ,It’ll work better for us in the future. We’ve not had the conversation yet I’ve really only briefly mentioned what I want the money for but I wanna know what people think before I go in with it I really don’t wanna be selfish or anything

OP posts:
waffilyversati1e · 16/02/2019 09:18

well you need to talk to him really?

My OH would 100% tell me to put the money toward the course (and building our future) but he earns enough to pay for the other stuff and doesn't go out drinking and stuff but I would never assume that. We would talk.

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2019 09:18

It would seem to make sense.

How do your finances work?

OhMyHolyCrap · 16/02/2019 09:23

Tell him you will help with the bills but you also have a target to save for the course fees so for the meantime you will be working more then twice a week wherever possible to cover both.

He might have to sacrifice some of his time to parent his children whilst you do that.

Ellisandra · 16/02/2019 09:24

What is the thing that you’re qualified in that doesn’t make money any more? Has he got any good reason to think that this is more of the same?

Otherwise, he’s your boyfriend not your dad - he doesn’t get to just decide this for you.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 16/02/2019 09:25

You say he doesnt want you to work at all so this would be alarm bells for me that he is trying to control you by making it more difficult to do your course Confused

mummmy2017 · 16/02/2019 09:26

Tell him, he can give up some extra time, his trips away, so you can earn extra and you will contribute the extra too the budget....

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 16/02/2019 09:27

He doesn't want you working, making money and being independent Hmm red flag, OP!

Oldraver · 16/02/2019 09:29

Well you need to talk to him but I would be saying that for every day out drinking you get the same amount of money to save or whatever you wnat to do with it

Original poster
dawn96 · 16/02/2019 10:38

Our son is 4 months old so he doesn’t want for me to work yet ,not ever ,He’s happy for me to work he’s never stopped me it’s just he’s very openly said he doesn’t want for me to feel I have to he’s perfectly happy for me to stay home with our babies till they’re in school ,That’s what I meant he said he’d rather it than me work silly hours and be tired

OP posts:
Original poster
dawn96 · 16/02/2019 10:39

I can’t work any other nights because he works nights too and I work on his days off

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 16/02/2019 10:42

Why should he pay for everything? So your happy to live off him, again why?

It you want to do a course then they as adults with a family, you talk and go from there you don’t just assume your partner is going to pay for everything

Original poster
dawn96 · 16/02/2019 10:42

He pays for literally everything atm apart from my phone bill so I do feel awful about not paying bills I want too I want to be in a position to make good money and still work around my kids

OP posts:
Original poster
dawn96 · 16/02/2019 10:44

@Ellisandra outdoor learning and survival Lmao

OP posts:
Original poster
dawn96 · 16/02/2019 10:48

@PinkHeart5914 well I haven’t have I that’s why I’m here asking advice ,I stated that this would put me in a better position to contribute than I am Now? Either I save the next few months and up my income to 2k or hand over my £92 per week ? I’m literally asking if I should ask or if it’s cheeky I’m not assuming anything !

OP posts:
ForgivenessIsDivine · 16/02/2019 10:48

Work out how long it will take to make a return on this investment and then you can contribute even more to the family finances.

Original poster
dawn96 · 16/02/2019 10:50

Also I started work last week! It’s not like I’ve sat back hoarding my wages I’ve not even had one payday

OP posts:
whitehousemum · 16/02/2019 10:50

@pinkheart but she is presumably doing the majority of the childcare, that is ‘paying’ for things as it is enabling him to go out and earn money rather than stay at home and watch his child. My husband and I just live off my husband’s salary for this reason, I do work freelance part time but anything I earn goes towards joint savings or joint debt repayment. His salary is our money. I don’t see how it could work any other way for us now we have a child in the mix.

Original poster
dawn96 · 16/02/2019 11:04

@whitehousemum yes I do I’ve been off work since my daughter was born I can count on one hand how many times he’s looked after her without me being there and has only ever done 3 night feeds with both our kids because I’ve always done everything not because he’s selfish but because I’ve always insisted on it and they were both boob only and his nipples are useless haha if I wasn’t here he’d be paying thousands in childcare fees

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 16/02/2019 11:24

Why should he pay for everything? So your happy to live off him, again why?

Because it's not long term and is an investment in the op's earning potential.

Sirzy · 16/02/2019 11:29

You need to look at finances as a family and work out the best way. Why not save half of your income?

I think just to say “you pay I am keeping all my money” is unfair. Anything like that needs to be a joint decision

RedSkyLastNight · 16/02/2019 11:36

I think you need to seriously look at what your earning capacity will be if you do complete the course. You've stated your income will rise to 2k. What makes you think that? Where is your potential client base coming from? Do you have the time and skills to market yourself and build up a business from scratch? Getting your lashes and nails done is a luxury service, are you sure that people will want to continue to pay out for this in the current economic climate?

If I were your DH, those are the questions I'd be asking. I'd have no problem with money being used on a course to increase your earning potential, but I'd want to be sure that was the case.

mummmy2017 · 16/02/2019 11:36

Talk to him, explain your reasons
How you will earn more ..

Original poster
dawn96 · 16/02/2019 12:47

The girl who did it earned that much on a bad month and now nobody is doing it as she left to move away ,It’s my sisters salon

OP posts:
Original poster
dawn96 · 16/02/2019 12:51

It’s not a really expensive course either it’s less than £500 so it’ll literally only be a couple months to save

OP posts:
Sirzy · 16/02/2019 12:52

Are you sure such a basic course is going to get you qualified to anywhere near the standard needed to make money from it?

Don’t forget it’s a saturated market

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