How can I make life with toddler more enjoyable?

[ReverseSmileyFace]

I'm really not enjoying this phase of DD's life. The tantrums, clingyness and mess is really making life seem so miserable.

Going out is starting to become stressful as she likes to dash off around the shops and I end up chasing her. I can't even do my bloody shopping.

Does anyone have a routine that they recommend to make life with a child at this age easier to deal with?

I don't even know where I'm going wrong

They change so quickly at this stage, so when they are being a pain you know it isn’t going to be forever!

My dd is just turned 3. We have a pretty set routine with doing the same classes/playgroups/outings every week. In the morning we talk about what we are going to be doing that day and she gets excited.

We don’t go anywhere in a hurry, so if she is in a go slow and wants to point at everything and ask ‘what is that’ ,it’s ok.

We have plenty of activities to do at home that don’t make too much mess. At the moment she is really into orchard games and playing at shop.

I don’t really try to do much shopping with her. If we have to go to the supermarket I put her in the pushchair. If we are just popping into the local shops she likes to carry a basket and ‘help’.

So roughly a daily routine

8ish Breakfast
9Ish Bit of telly while I do chores
9:30.-12 ishOut to playgroup/dance class/library/soft play
12 ishHome for lunch / lunch out
1-3 ish Playing at home- orchard games/playmobil/playdough/toy picnic etc
3 ish Walk to the shop or the park or just down the lane or in the garden
4 ish bit of telly while I make dinner/ tidy up
5 ish dinner
5:30-6:30 play / read books

SinkGirl

That must be tough

Indoor games are a good idea. DD would love the hiding things under a cup game.

NameChange30

You have no problems putting him to bed? If DD maps, it takes her 1-2 hours to get to sleep. Her bedtime is 7:30pm and she goes down pretty quickly. She's fast asleep now. I would go crazy if she were still awake.

Take them on forest walks and to parks etc tire them out

letthemysterybe

I just googled orchard games. They're a game/toy maker? Looks like we've got a few of their puzzles.

DD becomes engrossed in her toy kitchen. So glad we bought it. I'm able to occupy myself for 20 mins until she tells men to sit up at her cardboard table to eat her cupcakes with the teddies and dollies.

May use your routine for some inspiration to structure our day.

Make full use of pushchair straps. They don't need to walk everywhere - it is a treat here if thry can behave well enough

nugget900

I love walking in forests myself. But living in London with no car it seems an impossible task at the moment.

Yes was going to say Orchard Toys, DS has really got into them lately (4 in May). I always notice he behaves MUCH better if I’m genuinely giving him all my attention - not a criticism of you at all but maybe something to bare in mind? I have a 1 year old too but naptimes I really consciously make sure we play a game/puzzle/activity book together etc. He is really into wipe-clean activity books at the mo, learning pen control, doing maxes etc. Also give him YouTube Kids a fair bit - chilling out is important right?? I know I go crazy without a bit of zone out time.

*mazes

Also 5 minute mum on insta has some great ideas. Or these cards have come in handy!

Yes he goes to bed around 7.30-7.45pm and usually settles fine (touch wood). But he's a year younger than your DD so maybe he'll drop the nap by the time he turns 3.

Is she at nursery or any time of regular class? My ds was like this and at 16months we put him into a Montessori. The change in him was amazing. I think it just came down to him needing much more than we could do at home. He Is stimulated in the right way and even does some extra after school activities. Hes 2.5yo now and such a delight to go anywhere with.

Routine helps - today we do playgroup, tomorrow is music class etc, with a morning/afternoon each day where you can stay in the house if you need to or go to the shops.

Talking about routine seems to help, so pre-warning the day before about the next days activities, and also each day - after breakfast we're getting dressed then going to playgroup and then we're having lunch etc. Letting them choose activities when you can within reason, and 'helping' with household tasks.

I'm actually a massive fan of the toddler stage and would have had six if they could all be born aged around 20 months (newborns on the other hand are the pits) but I'd still second online shopping, soft play and not trying to get anything done unless you absolutely have to. Good luck!

My ds is 3 and 3 months- the last year has been very tough. Now we get 15 hours free nursery and he's like a different child. A joy to spend time with (and I'm not even being sarcastic!) We have 2 days a week just us and it's lovely, we go out, we play, we do jobs. I think we'd just reached our capacity of tolerance for one another, after spending every day together for over 3 years.

Until my ds got 30 hours at nursery I didn't have much time to myself at all!

But home delivery shopping is my best friend, I don't have to drag the kids around the supermarket this way 😁

Shame the free hours are term time only. I'm with DD for the whole of next week so need a plan for the whole week. Shouldn't be too hard living in London

Shopping online for everything. Defo.

Getting outside as much as possible so they can run around e.g. in the park, woods , somewhere where they can run about freely without problems.

Going swimming or riding a bike with stabilizers

This is about the age you can start teaching her to extend games.
Basically you decide before you start playing who you're going to be and who she's going to be. Then you start playing together and if she gets bored and starts wandering off, you just keep drawing her back to the game.

So with the toy kitchen, you let her play, and then when she calls you to the table you eat the food, and then when it's done and she looks like she's about to get distracted, you say "Oh, would teddy like some too, do you think?" and then let her feed teddy. (And if she says "No," you accept that and say, "Oh, okay, what would teddy like to eat then? Bread? Oh, well, you'd better go and cook tedddy some bread then." Or, "Oh, are you not hungry, teddy? But it's dinner time! You need to eat your dinner or you'll be hungry later!" Etc.)
The aim is to just keep extending the game until it lasts about 40 minutes. It can change - if teddy wants some chocolate and you haven't got any chocolate, you can pretend to go to the shop to get some, or if teddy's naughty and won't eat his dinner you can make him sit on the naughty step or whatever.
You have to be guided by what she wants and what makes her laugh (and it can get really really boring when you're eating the same fucking biscuit for the fourteenth time). But if you do it enough, it really helps her get past the 'played-that-for-five-minutes-bored-now' stage, which is just a killer (and helps her be able to do the same puzzle for ten minutes while you chop some vegetables).

Sympathy, though. Toddlers are really fucking hard.

I have twins one boy one girl. So naturally I’m now proficient at devising activities for them to do. I dread going places with them on the train and bus because of all the stares and remarks from other people. I prefer to drive instead.
As they are a bit older I want to teach them cookery and gardening. On rainy days I either take them out or we do arts or crafts at home. This includes drawing and painting.

Always bring the buggy when you go out. Any running off or playing up and in they go until they’re ready to walk nicely.
And more importantly, it’s there when they get tired.

Plan activities as a set: so if you’re finger painting, plan to have a bath afterwards and then watch a cartoon/listen to music while you tidy up recover

I now have a 7 year old . He has autism adhd and learning difficulties . In specialist school and hard from the word go .

I don’t think there is an easy age sadly and feel it’s resilience that gets us through . When I see Facebook videos from 3 years ago I think god I had no idea how much harder things would get .

Try to take things hour by hour day by day and break it down into manageable chunks . What is difficult now won’t be next year but of course there will be other challenges then .

I have to go day by day ( hour by hour at weekends and holidays )
Xx

I found that being far far more stricter than felt natural worked wonders at this age - you said 'She always wants her own seat on the Tube and like to swap seats whilst the train is moving.'

You have to decide that this is not on and a punishment for doing it. Probably restraint on your lap. Ignore the crying etc.

I found it so hard to switch to strict mummy at the right time- I was very attachment parenty with DC1, and didn't get strict enough soon enough - he ran rings around me. We are only just getting his behaviour spot on now at 6.5. DC2 as soon as the toddler behaviour started I became fierce (still cuddly and loving at bedtime etc) but I made a predecision what I wanted and he was going to do it. We've had a few battles, but his behaviour at nearly 4 is much much better than DC1's - less defiant.

They need strict boundaries - and at 3 a few upsets for a massive bollocking won't do them any harm. I started making them face the wall in the supermarket for 30s every time they ran off. 'How dare you run off when I said not to, I'm in charge I said stay with me. Now face the wall and think about how naughty that was'

Only 30 seconds, end with a cuddle and 'right I know you can do this, stay with me, you're a good boy so you can do it'.

I just wish I'd started the approach sooner with DC1!

If we have to go to the supermarket I only go to the ones that give kids free fruit and have the self scanner guns. I sit DD in a trolley with the self scanner gun and a banana, she loves scanning things and pressing the buttons on it so that keeps her distracted.

We also got her a smart trike which she likes being pushed in so she can’t run off.

I hate the disapproving looks on public transport. If these people only knew how hard it is trying to get a 3 year old to stay quiet and still, even when you've proposed a game of "I spy" or "how many cars", yet the looks still continue even when you try to discipline.

What does she do if you point this out? use an angry voice - 'You are being so naughty that people are looking at you and thinking 'what a naughty girl, now sit down and be quiet otherwise we will go straight home and you will have to go to bed'

Honestly - try a bit of 80's shaming discipline mixed in with the more modern stuff - it gets good results!