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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My dreams are fucking up my day.

35 replies

samsamsamsamsamsam · 15/02/2019 11:08

aibu to be really really pissed off that my dreams keep ruining my days. I feel really sad because of them.

I have always been a prolific and vivid dreamer. Every night and multiple dreams/nightmares per night. When I am stressed, my dreams become gory and violent and stay with me all day.

I dream of my child dying, my partner leaving me, having broken limbs, being pursued by murders.

I saw an image of Grenfell tower on the news the other day then dreamed I was in the vicinity as it happened, and I was overcome with a sense of disgust, and not being able to look at it. Woke up very upset, and it lasted all day. Couldn't get the dream images out of my head. Had a sense of disgust all day.

Last night was very upsetting.

When I met DP, I had to make a choice between two men. My best friend, who had just confided in me that he had feelings for me after I had had them for a while, and DP, who had just come on the scene and had had a massive impact on me. I chose DP, a baby came quickly and we are very happy.

Old best friend and I decided we couldn't stay friends (it was complicated and hurt, but it the right thing to do) and we haven't spoken in 10yrs. He took himself off all social media so I literally haven't seen him. But I miss him and will always miss him and I think of him often. He was a good guy.

Last night I had a dream where I chose the other path, I was with him, we had a house, I felt loved, safe, wonderful. Woke up and I just feel sad. Like really sad. I do miss him. I can't stop thinking about it, and I have this urge to contact him (which I won't).

Does this happen to anyone else? the only time I don't dream is when I am drunk. I guess its just stress, but its very upsetting.

OP posts:
Sukochicha · 15/02/2019 11:14

Does this happen to anyone else?

Yes but no where near as frequently as with you.

I occasionally have extremely vivid and disturbed dreams that stay with me all day and make me feel horrible.

Sukochicha · 15/02/2019 11:15

So no advice, just sympathy is must be horrible to have it every night.

Houseonahill · 15/02/2019 11:18

No advice but just wanted to say I sympathise as I struggle with this almost every night too. Sometimes I just have vivid normal dreams but most of the time they are disturbing or frantic. I never feel rested and often end up dwelling on my dreams all day and I dread going to sleep. It's shit isn't it Flowers

TheDizzyRascal · 15/02/2019 11:34

Yes it happens to me quite a lot, but I dare say not as bad as your sound. Last night it was my son running straight out into the road - can see it now as clear as day, its awful. Mine is partly down to some daily medication I currently need to take, one of the side effects is really vivid dreams so I'm going to try and come off them - could yours be caused by this or have you always had them? Can fully understand what you're saying, its awful Sad

QuestionableMouse · 15/02/2019 11:36

Timely thread. I had a sex dream about the devil last night.

No idea why because I don't generally have sex dreams and I'm pagan sooo....

picklemepopcorn · 15/02/2019 11:42

Yes, but not as much as you by the sound of it. I give them a few minutes thought when I wake up, then push them aside and get on.

The worst bit for me is having a vague memory and not being sure if it's true or a dream.

MardyMavis · 15/02/2019 11:43

I have this lots...even to the point where it is like living in two worlds. Nothing I can suggest but can be a mental health thing.

ILikeBigRocks · 15/02/2019 11:47

Hi pet. I have these too and they're rotten. You could try getting your GP to refer you for counselling as bad dreams are generally due to stress in our waking lives. What also can help is if you keep a dream journal each day, and note down what you think the dream means, where it came from, etc. Even if it was just inspired by too much Holby City! HTH

Original poster
samsamsamsamsamsam · 15/02/2019 11:52

Yes I have found myself putting off going to sleep, which just exasperates the issue, but it still happens.

I wish I could just put it in a box considering these things haven't actually happened to me and are in 'dream-life', not real life. But the feelings last all day.

OP posts:
Amortentia · 15/02/2019 12:02

I’m mid 40s and have had this problem since childhood. Sometimes my dreams are so vivid and extreme that I end up more tired than if I’d had hardly any sleep. Some dreams are so disturbing that they have stayed with me for years, especially ones involving my husband or children.

I don’t know anyone else who has this problem so it’s nice to know it’s not just me. I have found that sometimes I can direct my dreams so before I go to sleep I will imagine a pleasant scenario in my head and hope it continues when I’m asleep.

Original poster
samsamsamsamsamsam · 15/02/2019 12:08

Yes I try to envisage what I dream before I sleep too - so the 'Grenfell' situation doesnt happen. But it just seems to be ineffective.

I also sometimes lucid dream too - where I know I am dreaming and control it, but they are few and far between.

I'm super busy at work and working late at night/weekends etc so I am almost certain this is the reason, but when my brain dredges up old feelings about one of the hardest decisions I've ever made, I can't help but feel very frustrated at it.

I don't want to medicate again - I used to take anti-depressants. So I might book some counselling. That helped last time. And a dream diary.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 15/02/2019 12:20

I get this sometimes but like a PP, not as often as you.

It shakes me up for the rest of the day, I'm either really angry, upset or scared of something and I know it was only a dream but it's awful.

QuestionableMouse · 15/02/2019 13:05

Have you tried writing these feelings down? There are quite a few techniques but you don't have to go fancy. Write down the bad emotions then counter each one with a good emotion (so counter family dying with the joy they bring, for example.) Focus on the good things.

MerQueennotMaid · 15/02/2019 13:07

Happens to me quite a lot too. I also have issues with knowing what was a dream and what really happened. For example, in a dream I’ll call my Mum and make a plan and then think I’ve actually done it. However my dreams are hyper realistic and usually mundane. Last night I did my ironing in my dream, all bloody night long! Today I’ve got to actually do my ironing, so it’s like I’ve had to do it twice!!

SciFiScream · 15/02/2019 13:17

Last night I spent ages trying to work out the answers to my DS maths challenge and I knew I was dreaming. Then later I spent what seemed like ages trying to escape someone who was trying to kill me. I had to go to beefcake island (WTF?) and was aware that my DH could get jealous by this, even though I was trying to save my life.
If you are a lucid dreamer could you look into how you turn your dreams into positive dreams?

picklemepopcorn · 15/02/2019 13:49

It helps me to remember that my body was flooded with stress hormones, so I wake up agitated, but it isn't a 'real' feeling, just a physical one.

Original poster
samsamsamsamsamsam · 15/02/2019 15:00

SiFiscream 'beefcake island' that really made me laugh even though it was distressing to you (sorry).

I am a prolific writer of feelings but have not been so recently so I think I need to start again.

I write to my daughter (i send her emails, she doesn't actually get them though, not until she's 18) and I write in an online diary too.

The feelings of this morning's sadness have started to dissipate, and i feel better I think. But I'm at work and I also had the first 'wave' of a panic attack when someone came to talk to me. I was able to suppress it though.

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 15/02/2019 15:08

This happens to me but quite rarely. Sleeping in general has never been that restful for me. But most of my dreams are completely unreal and don’t chase me into the day like that.

MiceSqueakCatsMeow · 15/02/2019 15:11

Every night. I wake up exhausted. I used to wake up in a panic attack which was crap. I have no suggestions. It's not just you.

myidentitymycrisis · 15/02/2019 15:25

my dreams are almost always angst ridden and I am being chased, threatened, I am trapped or lost etc. I have had this all my life and used to call out a lot and sleepwalk also.

I believe it's down to unresolved feelings from the past/childhood, stuff that I have repressed and never expressed in waking life. I'm in therapy but I also take antidepressants which make me sleep quite heavily at the moment, means I get less dreams but they are important I believe.

I still dream about my son's dad and he died several years ago. Recently dreamt about him and it stayed with me for several days.

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 15/02/2019 15:48

You don't take Citalopram do you? It's well known for the weird dreams it gives you.

Original poster
samsamsamsamsamsam · 15/02/2019 16:55

No I used to take Citalopram, but that was at least 5 years ago - they were worse then.

I might get drunk tonight anyway

OP posts:
SciFiScream · 16/02/2019 01:48

@samsamsamsamsamsam I'm glad it made you laugh. That's why I told you! I've been laughing about it all day too (even though it was distressing at the time). I had a conversation with my DH about it this morning (that I don't really remember so must have been mostly asleep) and I told him I had to get to "beefcake island" DH was like "what? For burgers?" And I said "no, don't be silly - where all the muscle men are"!!!

We've both been laughing about it GrinGrinGrin

MaryTeenOfScots · 16/02/2019 02:18

I have this too, though not every night. Some dreams feel like they actually happened and the next day or even a few days later they stay with me like proper memories. It's horrible waking up feeling really anxious or sad, especially as I don't want to tell people I'm upset because of a bad dream. Having some counselling for stress may help, or perhaps trying a different medication if that's not quite enough. It's exhausting though and I hope you find a solution soon.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 16/02/2019 02:28

I get them. The frequency varies, as does the intensity.

Almost a year ago I began having vivid dreams about friends I had many years ago who I lost contact with. I woke crying, I had found them in my dream. I had also dreamt the route off of the dual carriageway into Bournemouth and through that was able to locate their home and address through google maps satellite. I'm in touch now, if sporadically. But the dream left me in such a state, I was a wreck. There was more than one but it was the last dream which went bingo. I had been searching for years.

Unfortunately most of my dreams aren't good.

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