My dreams are fucking up my day.

[samsamsamsamsamsam]

aibu to be really really pissed off that my dreams keep ruining my days. I feel really sad because of them.

I have always been a prolific and vivid dreamer. Every night and multiple dreams/nightmares per night. When I am stressed, my dreams become gory and violent and stay with me all day.

I dream of my child dying, my partner leaving me, having broken limbs, being pursued by murders.

I saw an image of Grenfell tower on the news the other day then dreamed I was in the vicinity as it happened, and I was overcome with a sense of disgust, and not being able to look at it. Woke up very upset, and it lasted all day. Couldn't get the dream images out of my head. Had a sense of disgust all day.

Last night was very upsetting.

When I met DP, I had to make a choice between two men. My best friend, who had just confided in me that he had feelings for me after I had had them for a while, and DP, who had just come on the scene and had had a massive impact on me. I chose DP, a baby came quickly and we are very happy.

Old best friend and I decided we couldn't stay friends (it was complicated and hurt, but it the right thing to do) and we haven't spoken in 10yrs. He took himself off all social media so I literally haven't seen him. But I miss him and will always miss him and I think of him often. He was a good guy.

Last night I had a dream where I chose the other path, I was with him, we had a house, I felt loved, safe, wonderful. Woke up and I just feel sad. Like really sad. I do miss him. I can't stop thinking about it, and I have this urge to contact him (which I won't).

Does this happen to anyone else? the only time I don't dream is when I am drunk. I guess its just stress, but its very upsetting.

Me too. When I wake it can feel so real that I have trouble figuring out what are real memories and what are dreams. Occasionally I’m a bit off with dh who is a right bastard in my dreams. He’s lovely in real life. I’ve told him that he’s too lovely to me in real life, forcing my brain to compensate so therefore he’s directly responsible for his behavior in my dreams and I’m fully justified in being cross with him when I wake up
Seriously though, I have found it helpful to think over my dreams from the perspective that every character and object in my dream represents an aspect of me. It can be hugely insightful. Often when I do this, even quite upsetting dreams can lose some of their pain.

The worst ones for me are when my loved ones are in danger. I can’t just wake up and be relieved. I feel I have to go back to sleep to rescue them. I’m quite good at lucid dreaming so this can actually work. It’s bonkers but I’d feel that I was abandoning my dream family.

I talk in my sleep too. Dh finds me highly entertaining.

I've been up since 4:30 because of a horrible dream about small children (not mine) being savaged by dogs that had been loosed to catch ME. On my flipping day off, too. Going to be knackered all day.

Sam, do you read a lot? I do and I have to be careful. I need to alternate anything dark or intense with fluff!

Yes, last night I was climbing a mountain in the snow and got stuck, then I was careering down the mountain in a tiny car which wouldn't stop. The other night I was on a massive shop which was sinking. It's hard to calm down when I wake up in the morning mid nightmare.

I'm so glad this isn't just me. Has anyone found anything at all that actually helps? Half the time I'm more tired than when I went to bed

Most of mine are just weird, bonkers stuff and usually involve being chased. The worse are when I dream my mum is still alive and wake up distraught all over again.

Yes, awful vivid dreams that I can struggle to let go of.
I find listening to talking radio / podcast over night helps- have to be a bit careful about content, radio 4 extra is often on.
I find it distracts my brain a bit, and when I do wake up in panic it’s easier to ground myself.

I’ve found that as I’ve got older the disturbing dreams have increased. The irrating thing is I’ve got less to worry about as I’m generally happy with my lot, ie fab Dh(together 25 years) 2 great kids, job I enjoy so ffs why am I getting these god awful dreams! I can wake up 4/5 times a night with different nightmare scenarios that have destroyed my sleep. Like pp the worst are when I dream that my dad or nan are still alive. The realisation when I wake up that they’re gone is crushing

Ummm... “I write to my daughter (i send her emails, she doesn't actually get them though, not until she's 18).”

I don’t know the situation, but is there any chance your nightmares increased around the time you stopped having access to your daughter? Whether that happened at birth or a later date, and whether that was your choice or not, that can cause real trauma and PTSD. Even if it didn’t exactly feel traumatic at the time, but especially if it did.

The feelings could be about things happening to her, or about feeling that you deserve punishment for the situation.

Or maybe it has nothing to do with that, and it’s just the way your sleep/brain works. It just jumped out to me, and vivid, terrifying dreams that stay with you are a classic symptom of PTSD.

Maybe it would help to talk to a counselor about that possibility?

It sounds like your brain is working overtime to process emotion at night. I think you should seriously consider practising meditation or mindfulness regularly (you will probably feel quite upset doing this at first, it will feel uncomfortable, but gradually you will create some headspace (actually HeadSpace is a great app).