Being preg when Sis and SIL have lost pregnancies

[AquaFaba]

Would really appreciate some advice as I can’t sleep for worrying.

I’m currently 7wks&4days pregnant with dc#2. It’s not been an easy road so far as I’ve had 2 mc’s (one on honeymoon). I’m 43, so age not on my side.
I had a viability scan at the EPU last week and a heartbeat was detected at 6w5. I’m realistic to know that it is all tiny steps forward at this stage, and am feeling quite anxious if/how it progresses.

I’ve just learned that my SIL has had a mc and that she was barely a few days ahead of me - ie due dates within a few days of each other.

I feel really sorry for her but also really guilty.

Moreover, my younger sister had an ectopic preg last Dec and required emergency surgery.

I feel a mess of emotions: I’m anxious as it is about this pregnancy but - if it is successful - how I interact with both my sis and SIL.

I’m very conscious of their feelings and feel so bad/guilty, but also really worried about my own situation.

Thank you

It’s lovely to think of them. If they know your history of mc then it’ll be easier to hear that you’re pregnant. Text is better. Nothing worse than having to be happy sounding on the outside whilst feeling as if you’re being ripped in two inside. Suggest “Pregnant again after last mc, had a scan and it looks ok so far but still really nervous! Wish me luck!”
I had a miscarriage and everyone seemed to announce their pregnancy for that time of year. So much so I freaked someone out by guessing the due date before they told me. 2 friends had the same due date I had. I did start to dread texts but a lot easier to allow time to compose myself.

I think you handled it as sensitively as you could however not sure I would have gone the email route.

Your sister is being unreasonable and a little selfish being aggressive saying you've reminded her of her ectopic but I imagine she is just feeling bitter and jealous at this point and is lashing out. I had an ectopic last year and 3 other mc and I know I felt devastated when people made their own pregnancy announcements but I always put on a brave face outwardly and congratulated them sincerely before taking myself off for a cry on my own.

It's natural to feel apologetic given the family history between you all but life can be unfair and she ll get over it in time x

With my third MC (ivf) my sister told me she was pregnant. She was dreading telling me and came over to do it in person.

I hugged her, congratulated her and then she left, relieved ......and then I cried and I cried for weeks. IN PRIVATE!

I wouldn’t have dreamed of making her feel bad for being pregnant when I had suffered another loss. Her DC was actually born on what would have been my due date.

She is hurting and lashing out but please don’t feel apologetic. Good luck with your pregnancy and congratulations!

I'd be honest about how I feel to your sister and sister-in-law. Tell them you are worried you'll lose it and also feel guilty. Ask them not to tell anyone until you make it to 12 weeks. They'll understand.

I've had many miscarriages. When I was pregnant with my fist miscarried baby the thought never occurred to me I'd lose him/her so I told everyone. The sad looks afterwards made it so much worse.

Two other women were pregnant at the same time as that first MC and the children would have all been in the same class at school. I did have a baby about 4 years later but at those school christmas concerts I always have a lump in my throat when I watched that older class on the stage. For some reason there was always an empty chair on the stage.

Good news to hear you doing well.

Please read the update: I’m now 17w+3