To put a card through FWB's door?

[Flairhead]

So. I kinda have an FWB thing going on. It's very casual, it's just something that happens after a few drinks sometimes, we don't make actual plans for it.

I don't live too far away from him and I know he's round at a friend's just now. So I popped to the shop and bought a card. Nothing soppy, just a card saying "be -mine- naked. I wasn't going to sign it or even put his name on it, I thought him and his flatmate could just be left wondering who it was for. The flatmate is also out at the moment so I could easily put the card through the door and be away.

But now I'm not sure it's a good idea! I'm scared he'll work out it was me (they both know I live nearby, about 15 mins walk) and think I want more than I do. I'm not long divorced so not after a relationship, but to be honest I'd like the sex more often. His flatmate is a bit of a player so it's not completely unlikely that someone would send him one.

I've not done anything with the card yet and don't have too long because I don't know when they'll be home! I need MN wisdom!

That’s not FWB. You’re not even plan B on a night out. It’s more like... meh, I guess you’ll do as I’m not having luck without anyone else in the bar/pub/room.

Why would you sit around and hope to run into him? You should be able to text and ask, want to fuck? Come over in an hour. And not feel like you’re pressuring him by “planning ahead”

I married my fwb but we did plan by text. It was never if we bumped into each other. Do you ever just send a message saying fancy meeting tonight?

I mentioned we got married because fwb often develop into feelings.

I know it's not really FWB, I just wasn't sure what else to describe it as. It's very casual as I said.

I'd love to feel that I could just send him a message asking him round, I'm just not sure how he'd feel about that.

We need a conversation, don't we?

To be frank, you're just a booty call when there's nothing better around. It has to be on an equal footing, and the fact he is always the one to choose when you get together isn't right. It's your choice too!

This isn't proper FWB - if he's not willing to plan things in to suit YOU too, then it's just him getting his leg over when he's had a few drinks.

When I had a FWB we were actually friends and used to go cinema & stuff first too - no dates just mates who wanted to see the same film. We wouldn't hold hands or kiss when we were out & then just be like right you coming in for an hour at the end haha!

When it's not a level playing field, and you're buying valentines cards, you risk getting hurt. I'd get out now.

Oh dear OP.

This is not going to end well.

Being brutally honest you’re not fwb. You’re a ‘she’ll do shag’

Even if you don’t want anything heavy you are worth far more than the way he is treating you.

Real fwb relationships are not at all how you describe.

I’m sorry but I think he is really using you and thinks of you as a mug, even if you haven’t admitted it to yourself I think you are allowing him to do that because you have feelings for him and would like a relationship to develop eventually.

I think you should have an honest soul search.