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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for my dds to go to different secondaries

40 replies

Ericthesnake · 14/02/2019 18:01

Dds are very close but very different.

Dd1 is at a secondary that really suits her (a 30 min bus ride) but for dd2 I feel that the secondary in walking distance would suit her better. There's much less technology which she doesn't like, she has friends going and it's better at her particular interest. However it doesn't perform quite so well at ofsted.

Does anyone have experience of this? Does it cause problems? Resentment?

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 14/02/2019 18:03

Where does your daughter want to go ?

Original poster
Ericthesnake · 14/02/2019 18:04

She's not sure.

OP posts:
Jackshouse · 14/02/2019 18:05

Be aware if they are different LEAs or not LEA schools then they may have different holidays.

PotteringAlong · 14/02/2019 18:05

I went to a different secondary school to my sister. We were both different people; we both liked where we were.

CripsSandwiches · 14/02/2019 18:06

It's not at all unusual. I know quite a few families where siblings go to different schools (even where they are the same gender and could attend the same school). It makes sense for each child to get to choose the school most suited to them. It would only be an issue I think if you obviously invested in one child's education over the other's. This doesn't seem to be the case - you're not choosing the local school to save on bus fair but because you think it may suit DD2 better.

Leeds2 · 14/02/2019 18:07

I can't see it causing problems provided that it is what DD2 wants to do - I imagine she has always thought that she would go to the same school as her sister. I guess you could have problems if their school holidays are at different times, but at secondary school they won't need "looking after."
Fwiw, my DD used to know one of triplet girls who all went to different secondaries to allow them to develop as individuals. It seemed to work for them, as a family.

Original poster
Ericthesnake · 14/02/2019 18:09

They are very different but also very close. It would be nice for them to be together and that's what's always been assumed.

However I'm keen we don't just lump her in with her sister and that her needs are given as much consideration as her sisters if that makes sense.

Her friends will mostly go to the walkable one. However it's just not as well known to be great like dd1s.

OP posts:
Howmanysleepstilchristmas · 14/02/2019 18:10

My eldest 2 go to different secondaries for similar reasons. Their schools suit them as individuals.
FWIW, my dd’s School was RI according to ofsted. On review 3 months after she started it was good/ outstanding areas. That fits with my impression of it (and probably reflects on the new SLT 4 years ago!) so I wouldn’t be too concerned by ofsted rating if the school seems right.

Original poster
Ericthesnake · 14/02/2019 18:10

Bus is free so definitely not a factor!

OP posts:
Digestive28 · 14/02/2019 18:11

I know of siblings that do this. It’s fine but is more work for parents, just in terms of admin etc. they have turned up for parents evening at the wrong school! So do it but you may need to be organised.

BubblesBuddy · 14/02/2019 18:12

Sit down with DD2 and make a For and Agsinst list. What’s good about the local school and what’s less good or more of a challenge. Are there any strong disadvantages? Both of you to have input. A 10/11 year old won’t have the same experience or insight that you do. Do exactly the same with the school your other child goes to. Weigh some factors more highly. What really matters!

I think different schools suit different children. I assume you are not paying £thousands for one end £0 for the other so there is no obvious reason for resentment. There might even be resentment if DD2 doesn’t want to spend 1 hour on a bus every day! Take all of this into account. Ask for another look around if you still cannot come to a decision!

megletthesecond · 14/02/2019 18:14

Yanbu. Mine probably will.
They're walking distance of both though. I won't have to do school runs.

Original poster
Ericthesnake · 14/02/2019 18:15

Bubbles The bus is a major pull. Dd1 has a great half hour there with new mates and then a great half hour back!

OP posts:
MrsScrubbingbrush · 14/02/2019 18:18

I have twin DDs in different schools & different LEAs.

There was little to choose academically between the schools, one put more emphasis on drama/arts & the other on STEM subjects which suited each DD.

We've not really had any problems with holidays- in fact they quite enjoy having a day at home on their own.

I do agree with the PP who said you just need to be very organised!

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 14/02/2019 18:21

I want my DDs at different senior schools. They are very close in age and people compare them and one consistently comes out worse off. Its hurtful.

Stupomax · 14/02/2019 18:55

My oldest is at a state boarding school, whereas my younger two are/will be at the local high school.

All their own choice. They are all in the places that suit them best, and where they are/will be happiest.

Original poster
Ericthesnake · 14/02/2019 19:06

Mine are often compared too.Hmm

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 14/02/2019 19:15

Well, talk to her! Tell her that there's a choice. Take her to open days at both. Explain why you think she might prefer the other school, but also what the advantages are of her sister's school. If it were me, I'd be clear that the final choice would be mine, but that I'd want to take her wishes very much into account and hear what she thinks about both.

Violetroselily · 14/02/2019 19:23

My brother, sister and I went to three different secondaries and three different sixth forms.

Was quite a nice change after being at primary together

Iwantacampervan · 14/02/2019 19:33

My two went to different secondary schools - their choice and mine. The schools were right for them and there was never an assumption by me or them that they would go together. There's only 1 school year between them so it was good for them to be separated. In 4 years there was never a clash of after school meetings or difficulty with buses to/from schools. Same LEA so main holidays were more or less aligned.
For one year they ended up at the same sixth form college - their choice due to courses on offer.

youwantathingamibob · 14/02/2019 19:41

I went to a different high school than my brother. I was adement I couldn't go to the same school as him because he was always getting in trouble and I didn't want to be tarred with the same brush and have it expected of me to be a nightmare (as it happens I was a nightmare in my own right anyway!) but my school suited me better anyway, much more stability - DB had a new form teacher every year and a constant run of supply teachers so struggled to learn much of anything even when he did apply himself - and was with friends from primary which was important to me. DB school closed down 2 years after he left so I would have had to move schools in year 9 had I gone there. Do what's best for your DD.

Maldives2006 · 14/02/2019 19:45

The closing date for applications in the U.K. was October

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 14/02/2019 19:46

My DCs went to different secondary schools. DD very academic. DS not so much and SEN. So off they went every morning one turning left out if the house the other turning right.... they seem to have survived.

cheminotte · 14/02/2019 19:50

I went to a different secondary school from my sibling. Like youwant it was primarily to get away from being y’s little sister. But my school suites me very well and was walkable unlike theirs.

underneaththeash · 14/02/2019 19:54

I have 3 children at different schools and this will continue at secondary level partially due to single sex education, partially due to different academic needs. I also have a mix of private and state.

The decision needs to be mainly yours, but with an input from the child too (if they're old enough). We do pros and cons lists.