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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for my dds to go to different secondaries

40 replies

Ericthesnake · 14/02/2019 18:01

Dds are very close but very different.

Dd1 is at a secondary that really suits her (a 30 min bus ride) but for dd2 I feel that the secondary in walking distance would suit her better. There's much less technology which she doesn't like, she has friends going and it's better at her particular interest. However it doesn't perform quite so well at ofsted.

Does anyone have experience of this? Does it cause problems? Resentment?

OP posts:

Janleverton · 14/02/2019 19:55

My two eldest are at different secondary schools - dd at single sex comp, ds at mixed comp. Their first choices and while one outperforms the other in league tables, ofsted similar and am actually equally or if not more happy with the one lower in tables.

Entirely likely that youngest will go to a third secondary school if it seems to suit him best.

howhasthishappened · 14/02/2019 20:09

Me and my sister went to different secondary's (4 years between us)
To be honest I've never even given it a second thought and don't think I did at the time.

Bluelonerose · 14/02/2019 20:12

Me and my brother went to different high schools.
Didn't bother either of us at all. Well it didn't bother me and I'm assuming it didn't bother him as he's never said anything.

Lindy2 · 14/02/2019 20:17

Pick the school which is the best fit for your daughter. They don't need to be at the same school.
I'm assuming you're looking for 2020 because if it's 2019 you've missed the application date.

ItsAllGone19 · 14/02/2019 20:23

I can see my youngest going to a different school to my eldest even though it's our closest school and the alternative would mean a car journey every day because there isn't a realistic public transport option.

DD1's school is very focused on sporting achievement. This suits DD1 to the ground, as does their supported learning unit for her dyslexia.

DD2 is already showing signs of leaning far more into academia and the alternative school leans more heavily this way too.

Thankfully this is a few years away yet but it's encouraging to see that it's not uncommon.

Original poster

Ericthesnake · 14/02/2019 20:40

Yy, not this year!

OP posts:

Smurfy23 · 14/02/2019 20:59

My 2 older brothers both went to the same school. It was a sporty school which suited db1 down to the ground. Db2 went there because db1 did (and mum was coping with a toddler and sick husband). It really wasnt the right school for him. He got through it but it wasn't the happiest 7 years of his life..even now mum says she regrets it.

Your instinct to treat each dd as an individual is right- what's right for one isnt necessarily right for the other

Hushnownobodycares · 14/02/2019 21:05

Different schools at secondary is fine.

IME and back in the day it was pretty much the norm. DB would have looked a bit out of place at my all girls establishment anyway

theWarOnPeace · 14/02/2019 21:12

Following with interest, it’s nice to hear that it doesn’t have some dreadful emotional effect on people that went to different schools from siblings. Our x3 will probably all go to different secondary schools. One first near where we are now (lovely state school) one where we are about to move to (also lovely and only 20 mins away), and third to school with special interest. I always had this vision of them all going off together and they’re very close so far, so it sort of clashes with my fantasy scenario in some way. Having seen them all, I think each is perfect for each child, but it does feel wierd separating them.

BackforGood · 14/02/2019 21:34

Of course YANBU.
Everyone should consider which is the best school for each child, and not make all dc go to the school that happened to the best school for their eldest.
Obviously at primary, you have to think about how you are going to drop off / pick up, but that isn't an issue at secondary.

Procrastination4 · 14/02/2019 21:47

My two went to different secondary schools. The subjects on offer were different and the schools actually suited them.They would not have got on as well if they’d gone up each other’s schools so I wouldn’t have a problem sending my daughters to different schools.

Procrastination4 · 14/02/2019 21:48

“to” not “up”. (This preview failure is a real pain!)

ittakes2 · 15/02/2019 14:28

I let my twins choose - they both chose different secondaries. I regret it from the point of view I drive them to different schools as the bus route was cancelled...but if one was walking than it would not be a big deal for me.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 15/02/2019 14:51

All of my childrens went to different secondaries, it didnt cause a problem. You should pick the school that suits the child, not convenience

Iwantacampervan · 15/02/2019 16:53

Everyone should consider which is the best school for each child, and not make all dc go to the school that happened to the best school for their eldest.
I know of at least 2 families who have chosen a school for their eldest as it would suit a younger sibling - in one case the younger would be following in 3 years when a lot could have changed about the school. Another family chose co-ed over all girls school so the eldest and her brother could be at the same school (they only overlapped one year yr 11 & 7 ! )

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