To ask who else has destroyed their fanjo having dc?

[Utterlymortified]

Name changed for obvious reasons but just that really - I'm 38 years old with one baby and I've just been told I have a prolapse that will need surgery once I 'finish my family' but in the meantime, here have this giant piece of rubber to shove up your bits every day to hold everything in place.

Yay! I can totally see me getting preggers again with all that going on!

Pretty gutted really. Anyone got any happy stories of how this happened to you but it all got magically fixed/you woke up and it was just a dream?? Or failing that I'll take gallows humour to cheer me up.

for everyone here, absolutely right that if men suffered these injuries they would be taken more seriously

Sorry to derail, but as a woman yet to go through this, can you insist on an ELCS now? Or is this still not really allowed?

Pelvic floor has taken such a battering after 4 births that I now call anything between late September and early March Pissing Season.

I've also found after #3 that I rarely achieve orgasm without additional external stimulation. Not a big deal, as I know that some women have that issue from the start, but it was a big change for me.

I have one very small part where my stitches were after my first, where the skin is noticeably harder, probably a scar though I can't see properly.

Like others, I also lost tooth after #4

My goodness this is making me so glad of my emergency c section followed but two electives. I had a really bad recovery after y first c section by at least the only souvenir I have from them is my unsightly pouch. So sorry to all you ladies suffering. This is awful.
Have the NICE guidelines changed? My understanding was that if a consultant refuses a request for an elective c section then they have to find you another who won't. As long as you stand your ground you can have one-just don't allow them to push you into thinking you can't. Does anyone know if that still stands?

Yep butchered by a rotational forceps delivery and episiotomy/tear. Scar that still causes me a lot of pain and discomfort, incontinence issues, painful sex... just a great big mess down there. Wish I’d had a c section.

Yes, NICE guidelines do state that a woman should be able to choose a c-section. If the consultant isn’t happy to approve it, then they have to refer her to another consultant who would be.

But I don’t think it’s as straightforward as it should be. A newspaper article said something like 25% of hospitals refuse ‘maternal request’ c-sections. I think they get round this by basically saying ‘all consultants here won’t approve one so being referred to another dr means going to a different trust’ So women have to change hospitals to try and request a c-section. What is classed as a ‘maternal request’ CS also varies- eg some hospitals don’t see a previous CS as a medical reason to have an ELCS whilst others do.

Oh god this is depressing. Yes I had a big baby with ventouse delivery and some tearing. I seem to be missing a labia and my pelvic floor is not what it used to be, though it's not too bad. I can bounce on a trampoline but can't run, which i really miss :(. I haven't had sex in the 2 years since I gave birth and to be honest I don't know that I ever will again. But my biggest problem is the haemorrhoids. It's awful :(

Please, just complain like a man.

If a guy's dick was dropping off, imagine the fuss he'd make.

Be like that.

Sorry to hijack as well, how do you know if it's been ruined? I had a vaginal birth with my first, but he got stuck and almost starved of oxygen so I was given automatic c sections afterwards (not even a choice!) Anyway... I can hold it if I need the toilet but during sex.. tmi sorry
I feel a lot wider, very quickly🙈 does this sound like it's been destroyed?

Yup totally destroyed here too. Prolapses, anal sphincter damage that wasn’t identified for years and incontinence problems. They don’t tell you about this in your ante-natal classes! I’m not the woman I was before birth by a long shot.

Hope I can help; happy ending here (even tho it ok a decade).

Have had 2 vaginal deliveries. After 1st baby, I had tearing stitched up - it turns out - quite badly. Went to GP as was unable to go to the toilet properly and all sorts of other charming troubles - he said "you've had a baby, what do you expect?'

Had second baby 3 years later and same problems. Different GP diagnosed a 'slight prolapse' and referred me to a specialist GI physio. A year of pelvic floor exercises and her expertise really helped but still not completely.

So I went back, got referred to a surgeon and she was able to sort it out (posterior repair and perineorrhaphy). She said a million years of pelvic floor exercises wouldn't help (although my pelvic floor was now in great shape). I needed surgery. And after a decade, I was able to poo properly. Bliss.

We are all different with so many different injuries after childbirth, but please do go back to your doctor and ask for a referral even if you have to wait a long time for it. Don't be like me and just assume that's it and it will never get better. I felt wrong for pursuing it but I am so glad I did. Good luck.

Yip another one here who feels like her fanjo is a mess. And to make matters worse the father of those big babies fucked off and left me . Found himself a young girlfriend who hasn’t had any kids!!

I have no interest in dating - too much going on but I also have it in my head that I’m not sure I’d be confident having sex with anyone new

Have the NICE guidelines changed? My understanding was that if a consultant refuses a request for an elective c section then they have to find you another who won't. As long as you stand your ground you can have one-just don't allow them to push you into thinking you can't. Does anyone know if that still stands?

They have to refer you to another consultant, but they don't have to guarantee that that consultant will accept the request. My trust has a policy that none of the doctors will accept a request that is not for physical or very severe mental health reasons - so to even try to get an approval would mean going to the next trust and so a hospital that is over an hour away.

It's not guaranteed, I've had two babies vaginally, first no tearing, second forceps, quite a big tear and lots of stitches.

After everythings healed up there's no big changes down there. You probably couldn't tell I've had a baby apart from the scar but that does more inwards.

I can't believe drs expect people to put up and shut up about birth injuries, and the Dr who asked about the partner going without sex, well words fail me.

I had an episiotomy and second degree internal tear from a forceps delivery with my first. I could barely even face looking down there after. It looked and felt very open and all the wrong shape. Just had my second baby 9 weeks ago and that was very straightforward but had a second degree tear which seems to have healed fine. I don’t think the second delivery caused any more damage than what I had from my first but I think the whole fanjo area is pretty messed up from the first delivery. My husband says it doesn’t feel any different for him. I don’t know if he’s lying to save my feelings because it definitely feels a lot different to me.

I’m due my first baby within the next couple of weeks and —probably should have avoided this thread— but here I am! I feel for you all Bytheway!

Did the majority of you have large babies? is that the reason for the tearing/prolapse? Would you opt for a C Section even if it was your first? A C section scares me so was leaning on a vaginal birth although after reading these I’m up in the air now!

I am so sorry to hear all these stories.
💐 to you all.
FWIW I had an elective c-section for my first and have not regretted my decision one bit. However, I was made to feel that I was not making the right decision and was informed time and time again about the risks. Fair enough. However, never once was I informed about natural birth risks.
I really think women should be better informed, not to scare anyone but so at least they would know what to do and where to seek help in the event of injury through natural birth.

OP and all the posters hope you find solutions and get the treatment you deserve.

I guess you don't know who your body will react to child birth until you go through it as we all have differing physiology.

My fanjo is fine but did experience postpartum diastasis recti. Still have as we have not quite our family yet.

@Islathepaella these are the bad end of the birth stories. There are plenty of women who don’t have problems afterwards.
I had 2 big babies and one slightly bigger than average. Dc2 was nearly a C section and at the time I was glad he wasn’t as I got to go home quickly afterwards & the recovery was quicker. In retrospect I still think I’m glad I had them vaginally - not sure why!!

God it's shit isn't it.

OP, I'm with you - I recently had a prolapse diagnosed after feeling like my insides were dropping out at an exercise class. I'm 37 and had two easy (vaginal) births with two small babies. Clearly my pelvic floor is just shite.

I have had a really bad few weeks where the PND I had with my first felt like it was creeping back. I had been doing lots of running and fitness classes and this was a huge part of my identity and positivity so it has been a massive blow to have to stop all high impact exercise.

I'm now having women's health physio and have changed my exercise routine so I'm doing so spinning and the cross trainer at a gym rather than running.

There's a Facebook group called POP fitness and also have a look at holistic core restore. Not sure if you're am exercise fan but these have been helpful to me for feeling better about myself as much as anything, and knowing I'm not alone.

Early days for me but fortunately sex is fine and no more babies here, I just can't run for the train or pick up my two year old very easily. Hoping the physio will improve pelvic strength and minimise symptoms, I am keen to avoid any surgery.

Good luck to you flowers

Thanks @comeongordon

Very true think my hormones just went into over drive reading all these experiences! I’m sure I’ll forget all about it when the baby is in my arms!

Islathepaella sorry but ds2 was 1.45kg but came out with his arm wrapped round his head. Midwife refused to examine me post delivery as he was so small there was no need. H had to help me shower. I collapsed and he ran and got help. I heard him shouting about blood loss and the midwife just laughed - women bleed after childbirth she said. I ordered him back and I struggled out and double padded and kept changing. The lady who cleaned also tried to raise the alarm it was ignored. I struggled home after 24 hrs. Thankfully bleeding slowed and so after a few days I could stand without being dizzy and I slept less. I did my exercises - despite this I was less sensitive, I looked fuller, bowels couldn’t empty properly and I couldn’t drink a cup of tea without needing the loo. This became my new normal. Doctors just said I couldn’t have issues as ds was small. Fast forward five years and I end up in surgery with internal bleeding caused by an ectopic. I was in surgery a long time and no one would say why. I just had to go to a meeting. The surgeons words were I was a mess. And that he, as the most senior available was called into theatre and as the one there needed help. My bowel and bladder were not in the correct place and I had loads of scar tissue stuck. He couldn’t remove all for fear of damage. Plus a hernia. It took a while to fix but he did without mesh. He said as a gynae surgeon he was disgusted and ask if he could use my story to show that size does not matter. So yes things can go wrong but it is possible to sometimes be repaired. I’m no longer fuller or have a rolling ball that lodged under my ribs. I can go to the loo properly and go to a wee only 4 or 5 times a day. I’m also more sensitive. If I’m honest maybe not as sensitive as before but a bit better.

All I got was a friction burn!

I had an epidural, episiotomy and ventose delivery with my first
Similar for me,but ended with forceps. My second baby was 9.5lbs and I went on to have a third vaginal delivery. Absolutely no on-going issues or lack of sensitivity.
I really feel for those suffering on this thread and really hope you get sorted but to any pregnant readers, be assured, it shouldn’t automatically be assumed issues will occur following a less than standard delivery.

A forceps delivery led to a prolapsed womb which was inadvertently resolv d by a cervical cancer diagnosis. Unfortunately I had a 'vault' prolapse from where they had removed the top of my vagina in my cancer surgery and still have a large rectocele which means my bowels don't function normally and I don't have much sensation.

Forceps delivery baby is 16 so it's been a long haul but yes, my fanjo has been broken for a long time.

For anyone else not as far down the line as me, get your prolapse sorted. My rectocele is now very large and I am losing muscle tone and nerve sensation so I really regret saying no to earlier surgery, I fear it may cause me bigger problems now if I were to have surgery.

Forceps, episiotomy and second degree year with my first. The stitches got infected and broke down after 3 days and had to be removed (with no anaesthetic) and I had a huge gaping wound that had to heal “naturally”. So I walked/ waddled around trying to care for a newborn with an open wound in my vagina/ perineum for about 6 weeks. It mostly healed but there was an area where granulation tissue formed (ie it just doesn’t heal) and I had to have weekly sessions where this was burned off using silver nitrate. It was agonising.

After a bit of a battle I managed to have my second child by ELCS. As I’d “only had a second degree tear” I got a lot of push back for the CS.

Now things are just about ok. I think it’s all healed over but 3 years later I can’t bear to look. Sex still painful sometimes. Mostly I just feel angry that I was sold a fluffy intervention free natural birth by antenatal classes and never warned about what could go wrong.