To be tired too?

[Grinchyboo]

Ok i get it! (Well I don't cos I don't have kids) parents are tired, they have sleepless nights and have to do all the jobs that come along with parenting but as a person who doesn't have kids am I not allowed to be tired as well?

I know there is gonna be back lash for this but honestly it's soooo annoying when I say I'm tired because I've been up half the night with phantom pains in my residual limb (amputated 5 years ago) or even if I've been out drinking the night before and I'm just generally tired. Or if i have had a busy week of walking here there and everywhere which tires me out. But people with kids are like "you don't know what tired is!" Or "how can YOU be tired? You have no kids keeping you up?" I've been told off for saying I'm tired by multiple parents as if it's a fricken competition? Surely ANYONE can be chronically tired? Everyone has their own levels of tolerance for sleep deprivation. It's especially annoying when my tiredness is dismissed at work but someone with a kid says it and they get special treatment. The other week my boss let a colleague sit and do paperwork all day(usually the managers job) because they were tired! Sigh

Yep, I get it!

I care for my Father who has Alzheimer's, if he has a bad night (approx 50% of the time) I'm also up most of the night but where he can snooze the day away I just have to stay awake and keep dealing with things! Essentially I have an 80 -something yr old toddler but zero opportunity to physically put him somewhere safe and even grab 5 mins to breath myself calm, at least children are more portable/calmed by being held/you know they'll age out of it rather than keep getting worse!!!

I still work part time, manage the house etc and suffer from a chronic health condition. Even with all that I've had parents tell me I don't know what real tired is....I would happily swap for a few days and discuss again!

@Sparklywolf yo7bare one of life's true hero's, your father is lucky to have a child who cares enough to do this for them, lots of the elderly who need this kind of care are in homes

Yo7bare? I meant you are!

I have suffered from chronic insomnia / illness / work stress etc etc and thought I knew tiredness. Then I had a non sleeping child and I can honestly say I entered a new world of tiredness from which there is never an escape. Husband works away and no family around. Some days I am so tired I can't hear or see properly. Recently at work I was so tired and dizzy I collapsed against a wall. I have been so tired whilst BF I have hallucinated- it's been like torture for months. And there is never a break - that's the difference about having a baby/kids. Just my experience but there is a grain of truth to the cliche, in terms of what has happened to me anyway. I try not to go on about it though - I don't expect anyone to care!!

Being tired due to drinking is not comparable to tiredness due to a baby or small child keeping you up, like at all. If you’re planning a night out do it when you have no commitments the following day, that way you can have a lie in!

It can actually feel torturous being kept awake by a screaming baby, especially when they have brief spurts of sleep before they wake up screaming all over again. You go to sleep for maybe half an hour (which feels like a minute) only to be woken up again ... and again ... and again. It’s a different type of exhaustion, I think because the screaming is also mentally draining.

Tiredness isn’t a competition though.

@Shazafied that sounds awful and again I do what to just reiterate that I do not doubt for one second that parents are tired and probably more tired than most people without kids! Even with my condition I think most parents are MORE tired than me if you could measure it! But .... It's just when parents dismiss anyone being any kind of tired unless they have children, obviously not all parents do this as has been proven by this thread, nearly all the parents here have made level headed comments without judgement

@outpinked I refer to my last comment

Even with all that I've had parents tell me I don't know what real tired is....I would happily swap for a few days and discuss again!

They’re idiots, they really are. Your situation is definitely comparable in terms of exhaustion, added in the mental factor of watching someone who I’m sure was once strong and independent morph into a vulnerable, unrecognisable version of themselves is one of the most difficult and draining thing a person can go through. You have my sympathy, what little it’s worth .

Competitive tiredness is definitely a thing

Like competitive hours at work and all that

People love to imagine they're some kind of unique hero and don't like to have that perception challenged

I honestly thought when I wrote this thread I would get a lot of back last, but I'm so pleased that their are people out there who understand me! Lol I have been a long time lurker and always been a bit scared to post as I have seen how nasty some people can be when they have the anonymity of a computer

One thing though, I really wish you could edit posts when you mis spell things! I meant back lash and spelling of their should be there.

I've been told off for saying I'm tired by multiple parents as if it's a fricken competition?

Blimey, really? That's so odd

I think before I had kids, the most I ever got back was "Oh God me too. I've been up all night with the baby".

Perhaps their tiredness is making them cranky

@WorraLiberty yup! I work with about 40 mothers and at least half of them have competed with my tiredness in the past ! I've even had a few dad's that work there agree with them even though most men supposedly don't get involved in such arguments

I find it even more annoying when they hear you say your tired and then comment amongst themselves saying things to each other like "isn't it funny when people who don't have kids complain they are tired?"

Stop mentioning you're tired? Thus avoiding the whole conversation.

I think it's that when you have children you have nothing "in the bank" so no reserves of rest to fall back on if something else disturbs your night.

So one night in an uncomfortable situation or illness or whatever will really floor you, whereas other have a reserve to keep them going. Plus you can usually have a bit of a rest when you get in from work or whatever whereas parents just have to keep going.

But yes of course you can be tired.

It's just because we remember what it's like OP. Of course people who don't have children can be tired too. Before I had children I would find time to rest when tired and hopefully catch up on some sleep another time. That just doesn't happen when you have a toddler and a baby and the relentlessness of it going on for months and years does teach you that there is a whole other level of tired that you weren't previously aware of.

people choose to have kids, then complain about all the problems/issues that go with that. many act like martyrs imo, i can sympathise to a degree with struggling but if its something you chose to do then my sympathy has a limit.

Honestly if someone complained to me they were tired because they'd been out drinking, I'd be committing all sorts of violent crime in my head.

Being a parent is the most mentally and physically exhausted I have ever been. It's not like when the alarm goes off and you can snooze or piss about on your phone, the baby wakes up and you have to be up and ready to sort out whatever they need straight away.

I wouldn’t attempt to compare with chronic illness. At least when you have children you will sleep again one day (dp and I joke that’s in about ten years). Pre children I thought I knew what tired was. I’ve worked nights, I’ve worked long hours, ie up all night or catching an hour of sleep from 5;30am to 6;30am and back to work looking professional the next day ... nothing compared to a non sleeping baby.

@Barbarafromblackpool haha good idea! Although it really is just general conversation, I don't go in every morning and say "I'm so tired" it's normally if I haven't been particularly chatty or something and someone asks "are you ok? Or your very quiet? And I reply oh sorry I'm just bit tired

There is an end in sight for parents though surely? Kids must sleep more as they get older? Or do that not? Again I wouldn't know for sure, however there are situations that make people tired that have no end in sight

My kids are primary age and both reliably sleep 11 hours a night. I often go to bed before them and sleep for 13 -14 ( I have ME) which they laugh at
Let's tuck up Mummy in bed. Luckily my DH is good at doing their bedtime and likes doing it! So many things are easier now- they can brush their own teeth, get themselves dressed etc and I'm slowly training them to do some light housework for me! In general, life is easier now than the baby / toddler stage.

Surely the relentlessness of chronic illness or pain are comparable with the endless nights of waking children? You could be equally worn down by constantly waking in pain. Plus being in pain all the time is tiring! At least the night waking period for (most) children is a finite number of years, while I don't imagine the OP's leg is going to grow back (no offence, I have chronic mobility problems myself!). Your colleagues should give you a break, Grinchyboo, your condition is not insignificant!

I think people are not really competing usually, they are just concersing and it’s an opening to discuss something awful they are struggling with too.