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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there might be something wrong with my sister?

44 replies

blackeyes · 13/02/2019 18:24

She is nearly 40, has never had a boyfriend and I'm pretty sure is still a virgin.

She wanted to be married and have children and she still says she'd like to have a child.

But she seems resigned to never having a relationship.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 13/02/2019 18:25

And?

CharlyAngelic · 13/02/2019 18:26

Yes YABU

Bombardier25966 · 13/02/2019 18:26

What do you think is "wrong" with her?

Singlenotsingle · 13/02/2019 18:28

C'est la vie.

CalmDownPacino · 13/02/2019 18:28

Don't be so ridiculous and offensive.

Stinkytoe · 13/02/2019 18:28

Look at it the other way, you’re a single woman, aged 40 who’s never had a relationship, you’re desperate for a baby but can’t find the right man. Oh and to top it off your sister thinks you’re weird!

Be nice OP.

PurpleDaisies · 13/02/2019 18:29
Hmm
DonPablo · 13/02/2019 18:29

Is she unhappy about her situation?

Owloft · 13/02/2019 18:29

Its unreasonable to think there's something wrong with her, but not unreasonable to be worried about her. My brother is in his 30's and still single, and I sometimes worry that he won't find someone. It's stupid really, because he seems pretty happy. As long as your sister is happy, you should be too.

Sleepyblueocean · 13/02/2019 18:30

You sound very supportive. She must feel so lucky to have you.

CalmDownPacino · 13/02/2019 18:31

Plenty of people are incredibly happy being single and child free.

Original poster
blackeyes · 13/02/2019 18:31

She isn't happy ...

I just don't know. Maybe I worded it badly but there seems to be something stopping her finding someone.

OP posts:
FlyingMonkeys · 13/02/2019 18:38

So has she spoken about this with you? Is she concerned about it?

Original poster
blackeyes · 13/02/2019 18:43

Yes, she wants to be married and have children, but she just doesn't see it ever happening.

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 13/02/2019 18:52

This happened to a uni friend. She was expecting to fall madly in love like in Hollywood with a dark mysterious stranger. She had given up hope.

She actually married an old friend at 40 and now helps him run his farm and has two DDs (13). They are amazingly happy.

Iseewhatyoumeanthistime · 13/02/2019 19:05

Does she have Male friends? How does she interact with them?
Does she have female friends that she socialised with or do you socialise with her?
Why do you believe she has never had a boyfriend? What has she told you?
I dont think you can assume there is necessarily anything wrong with her, but I can understand why you are worried.

Aridane · 13/02/2019 19:14

I think there might be something wrong with the OP

Original poster
blackeyes · 13/02/2019 19:19

She doesn't have any male friends but then neither do I, I don't think that's indicative of anything.

OP posts:
ColdCottage · 13/02/2019 19:21

Has she had any counselling to talk about the barriers to finding someone?

Original poster
blackeyes · 13/02/2019 19:23

No, she says it's because she's overweight. But she hasn't always been overweight!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 13/02/2019 19:34

What do you want from this thread, OP?

Because I doubt 8 lines of text will give posters more insight than you have after decades of knowing her.

Original poster
blackeyes · 13/02/2019 19:39

I wondered if anybody knew anyone similar

OP posts:
Yesmate · 13/02/2019 19:39

Are you my sister?!

domton · 13/02/2019 19:46

I'm 40, single, never really had a boyfriend, as if I was that bothered about it I'd make the effort I suppose. I'm not though. I wonder if she's the same? I do wonder if it's a reaction to societal expectations that she says she would like children and a relationship...if she did, she'd put herself out there perhaps?

I really couldn't think of anything worse! Someone in my space all the time, having to figure someone else into plans all the time, not being able to drop everything and go where I fancy etc. It makes me sound selfish I suspect, but I don't mean it like that. I just don't feel the need to share everything with someone, happier on my own, and whilst I have had sex, if I never had it again it wouldn't bother me.

It's different I suppose, but just the way I am. Maybe she's the same?

GabsAlot · 13/02/2019 19:46

if shes down about it maybe she needs a friendly chat rather than judging

of course theres single people around that are 40plus theyre not lepers