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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overly keen neighbours

48 replies

kirstywursty012 · 13/02/2019 17:33

We moved to our new house in August and straight away, our 70yr old next door neighbours insisted on hanging out with us. They come over unannounced and then stay for 2-3 hrs nattering on and on. We’ve been pretty polite so far although it does intrude on our weekends when we work full time.

During December/January - they were beyond irritating. Constantly coming out when my husband was on our drive, asking when our baby was coming.

When DD was born, they sent over a card asking when they could see the baby. They also gave us a £20 m&s voucher (which I know is really generous).

It’s been 3 weeks and we have been flooded with visitors. They must’ve noticed that we had no cars on the drive today so turned up unannounced and rang the doorbell 3 times. Me and DD were asleep but I rushed out of bed thinking it was a desperately needed amazon prime order only to find them on the doorstep asking to see her. I politely said she was sleeping and please appreciate that I’ve had a c section and home alone with a 3 week old. I said I would bring her over when we’re a little more settled. They looked really annoyed and asked if I had received the voucher and when I reckon I could bring her round... I fobbed them off with a “I’ll be sending out thankyou cards soon” excuse.

AIBU.... this REALLY peed me off! They aren’t friends or family, just our irritating neighbours. I don’t particularly want them holding my little baby and half tempted to politely take the voucher back to them and say it’s very generous but too much.

They’re actually starting to creep me out a little... it’s like Rosemarys baby!

OP posts:
JellyBears · 13/02/2019 17:44

They sound lonely. Do they have family? Grandkids/kids etc?

yips · 13/02/2019 17:47

I'd hate this. It's awful having to dodge overly keen neighbours! You feel like you can't relax in your own home.

Penguincake · 13/02/2019 17:51

Ugh I think you have to stop being polite or they will keep getting worse.

Decormad38 · 13/02/2019 17:54

I had a neighbor who started off like then then became a nightmare neighbor next door! Beware!

ambereeree · 13/02/2019 17:55

Argggghhhh this would really annoy me. I'm annoyed now for you.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 13/02/2019 17:56

Just came on to say they sound nicer /more generous than my ds's dgp!!
Mil bought zero for my ds.
Give them a chance op.
Boundaries and they could be a godsend.

bestbefore · 13/02/2019 17:57

They sound nice and are probably lonely. I'd just be friendly but firm. Maybe drop a thank you note in and say you will pop in in a couple of weeks time when you're feeling better/ bit more up to it.
You never know when you may need friendly neighbours.

Margot33 · 13/02/2019 18:01

This is a difficult one. I think once you show them the baby, stop letting them come in. Just small chat at the door/on the drive. I was in a similar situation at the last address. The neighbour was constantly at my door. At first out of politeness I'd let her in every single time. My husband said it was my fault, for not setting boundaries in the first place. So I started to keep her at the door and would only allow 10 minutes before saying its been nice talking with you but I've got to go now. She would ask 'why?' And I had to explain, I'm feeding the baby, I'm having a bath, making dinner etc. When we moved, another neighbour got too friendly (walked into my house while i was cleaning in my pjs, to say hello!) so we nipped that in the bud straight away. We say hi but no leading questions, and walk straight in the house/car!

Birdsgottafly · 13/02/2019 18:06

"They aren’t friends or family, just our irritating neighbours. I don’t particularly want them holding my little baby"

That's such a sad attitude.

Yes, you can set your own boundaries, but this living in isolation from neighbours is a new thing and thankfully rare were I live.

I'm not talking in and out of each others houses, daily, but taking an interest in life events.

Original poster
kirstywursty012 · 13/02/2019 18:08

Decormad38 - elaborate please!

They are definitely lonely - they have a son who lives at home but is in his 30s so is out most of the time. They have a daughter and grandchild about 40 miles away but I think she’s pretty bad at keeping in touch with them. I’ve never seen any different cars on their drive so don’t think they have visitors.

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 13/02/2019 18:12

Jeez, I'd hate this with a passion! You have my sympathies, OP. I really don't want any interaction with my neighbours beyond saying hello or occasionally exchanging a few words on the doorstep.

I appreciate you have a newborn, are tired and your priorities are elsewhere, but you really need to put a stop to it and set some firm boundaries. Why the hell are they staying for 2 or 3 hours at a time?! Do not let them through the door in the first place! You're busy, it doesn't suit. As someone said upthread, they aren't your friends, you have no obligation to be chatty and welcoming to them.

pasturesgreen · 13/02/2019 18:13

They have a daughter and grandchild about 40 miles away but I think she’s pretty bad at keeping in touch with them

^ One has to wonder why...Hmm

MumW · 13/02/2019 18:17

It does sound a bit OTT but you might be gratefully of some babysitters later on so don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

I stuck a note on my door saying Please do not disturb, Mum and newborn sleeping whenever we went for a nap or I was sick of visitors

Congratulations. Flowers

Aquamarine1029 · 13/02/2019 18:31

You need to start being more assertive and make very clear boundaries. Stop letting them in when they pop over without being invited. Simply say, "I'm sorry, but now is not a good time. I'll let you know when it is." Hopefully, they will get the hint and leave you alone.

Geminijes · 13/02/2019 18:32

I find this so sad. A lonely, elderly couple who want to be friends and have been kind to you are now being shunned. Imagine how you will feel when you are their age and alone.
Invite them in to see your baby and take the opportunity to gently explain how tired you are etc. Just be tolerant.
As your daughter grows up she will be able to learn so much from them and you could, possibly, have babysitters nearby.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 13/02/2019 18:39

Agree with Decormad38 they may well turn nasty. Their behaviour doesn’t sound as if they are just lonely.

Decormad38 · 13/02/2019 18:46

I don’t want to elaborate too much but the neighbor was baby mad. She was in and out of my house at any opportunity. Then we had some building work done and she completely turned into a nightmare. We were so glad to move away but it just reminded me of what she was like at the beginning- desperate to talk babies, see babies, hold babies. Loneliness may be a factor but why is she lonely- cos she’s a nightmare! Potentially!

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 13/02/2019 18:49

Hi OP just to give a different perspective. I grew up next to some elderly neighbours. It was a bit more of a wander into each others houses neighbourhood. I could tell she overstepped boundaries and annoyed my parents though they continued to be kind to her. They were never close however I absolutely loved her and she became like another grandparent to me, she taught me to bake, introduced me to local history, and other things that were a bit different to the things my parents did with me. They aren't your friends but that doesn't mean they couldnt be friends with your DD one day.

Bluntness100 · 13/02/2019 18:56

How fit and healthy are they? I'd also be thinking possible baby sitters in a couple of years 🤣

TheDarkPassenger · 13/02/2019 19:01

This is heartbreaking

punishmepunisher · 13/02/2019 19:09

I understand OP, I'm a very solitary/private person and it would stress me out.

wakeupfishy · 13/02/2019 19:12

"Heartbreaking" "they've now been shunned" are you mad? The op has had a c section and is adjusting to a newborn on top of all their friends and relatives visiting constantly over the last 3 weeks.

It's been 3 weeks, why are people so impatient when it comes to seeing babies.

Give the op a break!

wakeupfishy · 13/02/2019 19:14

Also I hate the whole we've given you a gift so we automatically have a right to see the baby bullshit.

Auslander · 13/02/2019 19:19

I once had a neighbour like that. It drove me insane.
I was on maternity leave and she was pregnant at the same time. As soon as I opened my curtains on a morning, she was there knocking on my door.
It got in the end that I stopped opening my curtains until after lunch.
I was glad to move.

Just tell them that you're busy Op and close the door.

CantStopMeNow · 13/02/2019 19:22

I wonder why the previous occupants of your house moved..........

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