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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Overly keen neighbours

48 replies

kirstywursty012 · 13/02/2019 17:33

We moved to our new house in August and straight away, our 70yr old next door neighbours insisted on hanging out with us. They come over unannounced and then stay for 2-3 hrs nattering on and on. We’ve been pretty polite so far although it does intrude on our weekends when we work full time.

During December/January - they were beyond irritating. Constantly coming out when my husband was on our drive, asking when our baby was coming.

When DD was born, they sent over a card asking when they could see the baby. They also gave us a £20 m&s voucher (which I know is really generous).

It’s been 3 weeks and we have been flooded with visitors. They must’ve noticed that we had no cars on the drive today so turned up unannounced and rang the doorbell 3 times. Me and DD were asleep but I rushed out of bed thinking it was a desperately needed amazon prime order only to find them on the doorstep asking to see her. I politely said she was sleeping and please appreciate that I’ve had a c section and home alone with a 3 week old. I said I would bring her over when we’re a little more settled. They looked really annoyed and asked if I had received the voucher and when I reckon I could bring her round... I fobbed them off with a “I’ll be sending out thankyou cards soon” excuse.

AIBU.... this REALLY peed me off! They aren’t friends or family, just our irritating neighbours. I don’t particularly want them holding my little baby and half tempted to politely take the voucher back to them and say it’s very generous but too much.

They’re actually starting to creep me out a little... it’s like Rosemarys baby!

OP posts:

RescueRemedy21 · 13/02/2019 19:24

I would love this! Though I appreciate I am a minority....

bumblenbean · 13/02/2019 19:27

I can see why you find their behaviour irritating but ‘I don’t want them holding my little baby’ does sound a bit mean spirited to be honest. As PP say they are probably lonely - that’s not your responsibility but you can still be kind whilst also being assertive about wanting space.

Petalflowers · 13/02/2019 19:27

Going against the grain.

They may be over-friendly, but also excited about the new baby next door. They were probably hoping to see her by now. They’ve probably seen all the other visitors coming and going, and thought it would be okay to visit. They weren’t to know you were asleep when they knocked.

I think you may have to invite them over soon, but then to set boundaries. If they ring the doorbell, make excuses such as baby is sleeping, needs a feed etc.

MyGirlDaisy · 13/02/2019 19:28

Whilst I can understand you don’t want them staying for 2/3 hours which is really quite a long time for somebody you don’t really know I will be forever grateful to my neighbours when I had a small baby. When all the visitors had gone and I had no family near and my husband was working a couple of hours from home the neighbour who heard my reflux baby screaming constantly who came and held him while I grabbed a coffee and reassured me, the neighbour who went to the pharmacy for medicines, looked after a poorly child while I took the other one to school and got bread and milk when I was poorly were all amazing. A note on the door is a great idea and actually I did do that sometimes but you never know when they may need that help. Also older people generally take great pleasure in watching the younger generation around them grow, it takes a village and all that! My boys are young men now and my neighbours still love to hear how they are doing.

MyGirlDaisy · 13/02/2019 19:30

You may need that help - not they, sorry!

Abacab · 13/02/2019 19:32

2-3 hours does seem a tad excessive for a visit from the neighbours.

Maybe give them a cup of tea and chat for half an hour then stand up and say something like "Well it's been nice to see you but now I really must get on with such-and-such".

No reasonable person would take offence at that and they'll soon get used to it.

MrsMcW · 13/02/2019 19:32

I find this really sad. I also had a c section and know how tough recovery is, but if you were up to leaping out of bed for an Amazon delivery then I think you are up to inviting your neighbours in for 10 minutes to meet your baby. I don't understand why increasingly new mothers want to shut themselves away and resent visitors, but appreciate everyone has different opinions. And as others have said, you may be very glad of your neighbours in years to come if you need a babysitter.

Please tell me you had at least thanked them for the vouchers beforehand?

HollowTalk · 13/02/2019 19:37

Three hour visits would annoy me and I would expect a note through the door asking you to let them know when you're up for a visit, but otherwise this wouldn't bother me. I would hate to have bad neighbours (lots of noise and arguments etc) and if these two just want to be friendly, that would be fine with me.

cptartapp · 13/02/2019 19:41

I would hate this. And I would be wary of getting too involved with two ageing people who are likely to need more from you than you from them in the coming years, particularly as they seem to have no close family. It might be sad but their loneliness isn't your responsibility to solve. You have enough on your plate, selfishly I say keep your distance.

Aridane · 13/02/2019 19:51

They aren’t friends or family, just our irritating neighbours. I don’t particularly want them holding my little baby and half tempted to politely take the voucher back to them and say it’s very generous but too much

Not just unreasonable but mean and dickish. However, but down boundaries

oldsewandsew · 13/02/2019 19:57

I had ever such lovely neighbours like this. They were so excited when our baby was born. We visited them at about 3 days old, and were so welcoming all the time. Until unfortunately they started pushing the boundaries, letting themselves in, telling us what improvements we could make to our house etc. We were never rude to them until the day they shouted at us in front of our children, for being self-centred and selfish, when we did something to our house that they didn’t like. I am still in shock now, years down the line. Things were never ok between us again. I am always wary now of being too friendly to neighbours, but I do not want to end up in that situation again. You are thrown together, and great if you end up being friends, but it doesn’t work if one party is forcing it on the other.

IdaBWells · 13/02/2019 19:58

How about being honest and explaining that you would just prefer prearranged short visits? Tell them that you need lots of rest and time to yourself right now and maybe offer to bring the baby to them at some point, then it’s easier to up and leave when you are ready. It seems a pity to alienate your neighbours rather than just be assertive and put in sensible boundaries. The 2-3 hour visits need to stop and that’s why popping over to them occasionally may be the easier route.

ivykaty44 · 13/02/2019 20:06

Manage the situation and take control.

Invite them round one morning, but let them know you’re meeting friends for lunch so will need to be gone at 12 etc

That way you limit the time and then invite them at some point again but restrict the time nicely

This controls them and sends a clear message not to just ring the bell

They’re your neighbours and it’s good to have friendly ones but controlling them not to take over by you setting out the boundaries

When you go away they’ll watch the house, need to pop to the shop for emergency supplies they’ll wTch the baby..

My neighbours are all good and we watch out for each other - it doesn’t hurt

ElsieMc · 13/02/2019 20:19

I would be a bit careful here op as they seem a bit overly invested in you. My concern is that they were visibly annoyed today. You cannot have them round for 2-3 hours at a time, that is ridiculous and you must put boundaries in place.

I had keen neighbours many years ago when I had my two babies, but there were lots of them. They were all really lovely in their own way, but just sometimes I actually crawled round the house on my hands and knees so they could not see I was in. I even flattened myself against the wall once so they couldnt see me in the hallway (bet they could). They were coming round with useful advice such as I must eat a takeaway curry immediately to bring the baby on or I must not potty train too soon or I would have a bed wetter for years and years (sadly true!).

I now live in a so-called better area with the worlds most horrible neighbours, so aloof, unwelcoming and snobbish.

feltcarrot · 13/02/2019 20:25

70 isn’t elderly!

ChakiraChakra · 13/02/2019 20:33

They're of a generation that grew up going visiting, not ringing or texting first, engender. My parents are their age, and would and still do pop over to neighbours and have a natter, sometimes ten minutes, sometimes for hours. I'm sad that it's a dying out thing, community is important. Invite them over, or take baby to see then them soon, and also feel free to excuse yourself when you're done with their visit.

Maelstrop · 13/02/2019 20:37

The whole staying for hours is ridiculous. You need to stop that. My neighbour is brilliant at that, she just stands in the doorway so unless you pushed her out of the way, you’d never get in.

They’re overinvested, you sound like you’re fed up of their visits, it’s not too late to stop these. Just don’t let them in. Initial baby admiring visit then huge boundaries.

Those of you saying this is sad, mean etc, it’s not. The OP clearly doesn’t want a close relationship with her neighbours. I agree with her, they’re not friends or family and she wants a friendly/polite relationship. Fair enough. You don’t HAVE to be close with everyone.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 13/02/2019 20:39

"They aren’t friends or family, just our irritating neighbours. I don’t particularly want them holding my little baby"

Christ on a bike! What do you think might happen? will the baby implode or something ?

Drum2018 · 13/02/2019 20:46

Bring a thank you card to their house. If they ask you in stay for a half hour and then get up and leave. Don't have them calling to you where they will hang about half the day.

Sweetpea55 · 13/02/2019 21:01

If you visit them then you have control of the situation.

joyfullittlehippo · 13/02/2019 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fullofregrets33 · 14/02/2019 11:10

Difficult situation. People like them nice as they are seem to have no understanding that people have such busy lives, your down time, quiet time, family time is just so precious.

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 15/02/2019 09:54

Don't put up with manipulative behaviour.
Some people force their expectations on people and then turn nasty when they don't get their own way. Elderly or not alarm bells ringing here.

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