to ask how you cope with cats and a new baby

[feelingsadrightnow]

Regular MNer but have name changed for this as don't want to get shot down.

Back story is that we used to have a Bengal cat who was run over and killed about 18 months ago. This happened at the end of a terrible year in which we lost both of our fathers and my grandfather, amongst other crap. I was signed off work for a couple of weeks after we lost our cat for (cumulative, I suppose) grief and in this time visited a Bengal breeder - mainly to be around the breed for a couple of hours as I thought it would be healing.

She had a litter of extremely cute kittens which I told my devastated husband about (our Bengal was actually his - aged 5 - who I had 'adopted' when we got together). DH wanted to go see them and so we went back to the breeder a few days later. We lost our cat in Oct 17 and then bought a brother and sister pair in Nov with the view to collect them mid-Jan 2018.

I was signed off from work again in Feb for a couple of months as the tragedies of 2017 had really caught up on me and my mental health had really suffered. I spent a lot of time with the kittens (although they were trapped in one room for a month as we carried out extensive kitchen renovations). The girl is extremely bright but very mischievous with it, the boy seems to be filled with a lot of feelings which he can't handle - eg he was suckling his sister for weeks after we brought them home, and he wants to be 'on' a human much of the time but with me he seemed to get overwhelmed and would occasionally lash out (teeth/claws) completely unexpectedly while cuddled up to me and purring like mad. This was when he was getting LOTS of love and attention. We complained to the breeder who said he was 'in love' with me and would grow out of it.

Found out we were pregnant a month after getting the kittens (we had only decided we wanted to try for a baby after our bereavements and then it happened very quickly - which we didn't expect as both pushing 40). I still managed to spend a great deal of time with the cats as when I went back to work I had one day a week working from home.

Fast forward - our baby was born prematurely in September and when we first brought her home I was very nervous about her being near the cats as she was so tiny and we had only 'known' them for 5 months, so we kept them in the (large) kitchen away from the rest of the house - plus we have built an enclosed 'cat run' outside for them.

But they have become quite naughty now - kitchen diner is shredded, they have chewed quite a few appliances, had a few 'accidents' from the girl indoors (litter trays are in a sheltered area outside) including a poop in the middle of the kitchen last night and - most worryingly - our boy still lashes out he used to just do this to me but actually prowled then jumped at my husband last week.

Our predicament is that our boy cat is so unpredictable - plus we feel we cannot give the cats their best life since we had our baby. There is no way I'd ever leave baby and pets unsupervised but I'm even worried about him being near her when I'm holding her. They seem to be more wild (more true Bengal?) than our previous cat and aren't getting the freedom he had either as we only let them outside if in the cat run (seeing as our cat was killed by crossing a road). We are now talking about having to return them to the breeder ☹️ I just can't decide if this is actually okay and the best thing for them.

Having written the above essay I don't know what I'm asking really. I guess just affirmation that this isn't a bad thing to do and whether anyone else has had to rehome a pet when baby has arrived.

Of course in hindsight we were WAY too hasty 'replacing' our cat but sadly we can't go back and undo that.

I'm sorry I haven't got around to replying, haven't been online for a new days. And I'm sorry about my ridiculously long replies, but I just feel so bad for you and desperately wish I could help. I definitely get the feeling of no other breed coming close to the bengal - especially once you have had and falken in love with one.

You have my utmost sympathies. You sound lovely and like you just want to do the best for your whole family (cats included).

We have some different toys and some have turned out to not work. For exapmle the typical lazor type toys, we haven't had much luck with as well as they toys on a string - they find them entertaining, but seems to wind them up too much.
Are they really interested in food? We give a smaller meal during the day when we are out of the house, in different types of activity toys. This seems to really wear them out and they actually sleep most of the day afterwards - you are welcome to pm me and I could send you some links or pictures of the types our cats seem to enjoy or just with any questions really 😊.

Our cats don't free roam. Although we don't live in the city, I'm not comfortable with it - both because of traffic as well as the fact that there is a danger of them getting snatched due to the breed they are... We either take them out on the leash every couple of days or they go out in the garden. Although they haven't really been outside since autum - they don't seem to like the cold 😂
My OH build a dog/cat enclosure outside for them to play in when we are home and they all become a little too much. Eventhoug I don't have a baby, they have given me a complete breakdown a time or two 🙈 so I absolutlely understand and sympathize with you on that front.

Regarding the boy - What have you taught the cats inregards to when they bite or attack you? When our cats were young I would yelp or sort "whine" really high pitched to sort mimick they sound of a cat hurting when they would do it. To this day we don't have much problem with them attacking and when they do, I make a really high pitched noise and they immidiately stop and look at me really strange - might make you feel a little silly, but it sort of stops them in their tracks.

Like yours, our girl is more relaxed, where as the boy is quite more energetic and "wild".
When they were younger we used to confine them to a different part of the house to the dog, because we wanted the dog to be able to relax, without having two wild kittens disturbing her or breaking everything when we were not here to supervise.
However this just didn't work. When we would come home and open up between the two parts of the house - All Hell seemed to break loose - they were almost bouncing of the walls. One day i said screw it and decided to let them have the whole house together. In the beginning it took some patience (lost lots of plants and planters to the cats and it seemed like I was cleaning up something they broke everyday) but now I hardly ever do. It took maybe a month or two for the novelty of all the new access they had gotten to disappear. I think the only thing I have cleaned up in a long time is toilet paper all over the floor 😂 (which I can live with, since we just need to remember to close the door to the bathroom).

Regardless of what happens I think you are right in keeping them together if possible 😊. Our cats also wind eachother up a LOT and can at times play way too rough, but like yours they also cuddle together and love eachother - that is the "problem" and the beauty of getting two siblings - just made ten times worse by the age our cats currently have 🙈
I completely understand if it is all too time consuming with a new baby. It is entirely bad luck that you happened to fall pregnant so suddenly, when they were so young (obviously not bad luck about the baby, but the timing ❤️). They are not just any regular breed and the first 3 years are especially difficult at times - even I can get a little overwhelmed at time and we don't even have a baby, just the animals 🙈.