to ask how you cope with cats and a new baby

[feelingsadrightnow]

Regular MNer but have name changed for this as don't want to get shot down.

Back story is that we used to have a Bengal cat who was run over and killed about 18 months ago. This happened at the end of a terrible year in which we lost both of our fathers and my grandfather, amongst other crap. I was signed off work for a couple of weeks after we lost our cat for (cumulative, I suppose) grief and in this time visited a Bengal breeder - mainly to be around the breed for a couple of hours as I thought it would be healing.

She had a litter of extremely cute kittens which I told my devastated husband about (our Bengal was actually his - aged 5 - who I had 'adopted' when we got together). DH wanted to go see them and so we went back to the breeder a few days later. We lost our cat in Oct 17 and then bought a brother and sister pair in Nov with the view to collect them mid-Jan 2018.

I was signed off from work again in Feb for a couple of months as the tragedies of 2017 had really caught up on me and my mental health had really suffered. I spent a lot of time with the kittens (although they were trapped in one room for a month as we carried out extensive kitchen renovations). The girl is extremely bright but very mischievous with it, the boy seems to be filled with a lot of feelings which he can't handle - eg he was suckling his sister for weeks after we brought them home, and he wants to be 'on' a human much of the time but with me he seemed to get overwhelmed and would occasionally lash out (teeth/claws) completely unexpectedly while cuddled up to me and purring like mad. This was when he was getting LOTS of love and attention. We complained to the breeder who said he was 'in love' with me and would grow out of it.

Found out we were pregnant a month after getting the kittens (we had only decided we wanted to try for a baby after our bereavements and then it happened very quickly - which we didn't expect as both pushing 40). I still managed to spend a great deal of time with the cats as when I went back to work I had one day a week working from home.

Fast forward - our baby was born prematurely in September and when we first brought her home I was very nervous about her being near the cats as she was so tiny and we had only 'known' them for 5 months, so we kept them in the (large) kitchen away from the rest of the house - plus we have built an enclosed 'cat run' outside for them.

But they have become quite naughty now - kitchen diner is shredded, they have chewed quite a few appliances, had a few 'accidents' from the girl indoors (litter trays are in a sheltered area outside) including a poop in the middle of the kitchen last night and - most worryingly - our boy still lashes out he used to just do this to me but actually prowled then jumped at my husband last week.

Our predicament is that our boy cat is so unpredictable - plus we feel we cannot give the cats their best life since we had our baby. There is no way I'd ever leave baby and pets unsupervised but I'm even worried about him being near her when I'm holding her. They seem to be more wild (more true Bengal?) than our previous cat and aren't getting the freedom he had either as we only let them outside if in the cat run (seeing as our cat was killed by crossing a road). We are now talking about having to return them to the breeder ☹️ I just can't decide if this is actually okay and the best thing for them.

Having written the above essay I don't know what I'm asking really. I guess just affirmation that this isn't a bad thing to do and whether anyone else has had to rehome a pet when baby has arrived.

Of course in hindsight we were WAY too hasty 'replacing' our cat but sadly we can't go back and undo that.

I bought home premature twins home to 4 Devon Rex cats just over a year old. Whilst in hospital my DH sent me a video of him assembling a cot with a cat net in our bedroom and the cats jumping from our bed onto the cat net using it like a trampoline. We have two left now 12 years later. Devon Rex are also 'personality' cats but nothing like Bengals.

I would say that your cats are still young and boisterous. Do you have outside space - have you looked into catios to give them a bit of a break and some outside space.

If you do have to rehome them, please charge a proper rehoming fee - I have heard that people look for Savannahs and Bengals in order to train illegal fight dogs. If someone wants a time consuming pedigree cat they will be prepared to pay for it.

There is a good rehoming page on Facebook Bengal Chausie and Savannah rehoming UK.

we recently rehomed our cats. It was devastating but the baby comes first. Very similar reasons to yourself, they deserved a better life and we just weren't able to give that to them unfortunately. Carpets were completely ruined, they chewed on the doors when we closed them. One started spraying everywhere, the other would hiss and swipe his claws whenever baby was near. Really the list was endless and after trying and failing, we had to give them up. I was in tears every day trying to cope with the baby and them. Before we had our LO, I would have thought very little of someone who would rehome a pet because of a baby, but no animal is worth your baby being hurt. I miss them every single day, but they are so much happier now rather than being shut away in a room.

You're best to rehome based on their temperament.

Your baby is your priority and if something happened you'd never forgive yourself. A bite could seriously harm your baby.

Thanks so much for your responses everyone. Sitting in the kitchen with our two now just feeling absolute dread.

To explain further re: not letting them roam, this was never our intention when we first got them as we knew it would be difficult to relax about roaming but hoped they would not reach the same fate as our previous Bengal (we moved house only 5 min walk away so he was crossing 4 roads to go hang out in his old 'hood'). But then we got spooked with notes through our doors about the Croydon cat killer, plus they are extremely beautiful cats so very desirable to thieves - add to this their complete lack of fear... you see where I'm going!

We did build a Catio (cost us over £1k), in response to a PP, and never thought about outdoor litter trays being mean :( but I do see what you mean. They've had the outdoor access since they were a few months old and LOVED it in the summer. The little trays are under a canopy to keep clean and dry - we really wanted the trays out the kitchen before our baby arrived.

My husband is going to call the breeder today. Our girl jumped up onto the counter (we have the hob side lined with coke cans to keep it clean for food prep, not that bengals take any notice!) and peed on a tea towel last night so she's clearly not happy. These two cost us £2k but we don't care about getting any money for them. Wouldn't dream of asking the breeder for money! Just want them in a happy home (with no babies).

Oh god, our boy has just jumped up on me for love and cuddles 💔 he's purring like mad and kneading me and I just love him. A bit anxious he'll turn on me again though

Yup I just got the claws - this is so shit!

*litter trays not little trays!

I'm another with a new born (premature) baby who has temporarily rehomed our cat and unfortunately she seems to be a lot happier at the new place. I was really hoping to have her back at some point but it seems that might not happen. I always said I wouldn't get rid of a pet because of a baby but you don't actually know how you will react until it happens. Do what you think is best for you, your baby and your cats. Good luck.

We just carried on as normal. We've got two cats. There's was nothing to 'cope' with

That’s usually the case, but the OP is suited for being a Bengal owner and I think the cats would be happier with someone with a lot more knowledge and experience and able to given them the time and attention they deserve. Fair play to the OP for recognising that.

Isn’t suited, not is suited

@user1486250399 that sounds so hideous for you. You haven't failed at all, you've done completely the right thing. It's a horrible feeling though so I understand :(

We are trying to get a call with the breeder this week but she hasn't responded yet. I feel like a horrible person every time I look at them now... at the same time I'm quite fearful of our boy snapping (the anticipation is probably worse than the actual act) and hate how depressed they both look yet it's so difficult to get proper time with them while looking after a 5 month old and being in and out of the house x

Just also wanted to say thanks for your similar stories, it's helps make me feel maybe I'm not a cruel person at this really stressful time. I am sorry that others have had to go through this though.

@Heyha congrats on your impending arrival! Good advice and I am keen to let them roam now but not sure that will take away my fear of our boy lashing out x

@KC225 amazing thanks for your post! Xx

I have seen many problems with Bengals over the years, and if you had moggies I would say persevere but in this instance I think you would be doing the right thing for all concerned to return them to the breeder.

If the breeder doesn't respond, try the Bengal Cat Club or a rescue that understands the value of these cats and the danger they can be in if allowed free, not to mention the destruction to wildlife. They are beautiful cats and need to go to the right home due to their temperament. They may also be happier if rehomed individually.

www.thebengalcatclub.com/rehoming--welfare.html

I had no issues except my cat alerted me whenever the baby cried as I didn't wake for baby number one he used to dig me out of bed (literally) other cat used to stay up high unless baby was ill then he would be right by her till she was better

But they were moggies 🤷‍♀️

I think you're right @SpringForEver - we thought we knew bengals as my DH had one for over 5 years but these two are quite different. We didn't go into this as blindly as it may seem (they cost a lot of money so we were clearly very keen) so I'm reeling as to how it's all panned out. Even though they have an outside area, we have just cleaned up yet another poop in the kitchen. This makes me dread letting them into the rest of the house where they could pee/poop in more hidden areas. I also wonder if they wind each other up a bit - in response to your comment about rehoming individually. Our previous Bengal was a lot more mellow x

Sadly a lot of the problems I have seen have been toileting and attacking, but considering their breeding it isn't surprising that some of them have the wilder traits rather than the domestic ones, like any other cat they will have a personality of their own, and even moggies can be difficult but the potential for problems with a Bengal is something I wouldn't consider as I couldn't cope with it again. It is hard work and stressful which only makes them worse because they sense the stress.

I truely feel your frustration and dilema ❤️Have had bengals for many years and I currently have two bengal cats the EXACT same age - a sister and a brother as well. They are really active and smart cats. They need a lot of activity and mental stimulation.
They definitely are a lot more wild than a "regular" cat breed, but currently it is also made a lot worse by the age. The cats are currently teenagers and because of this are even more filled with energy and mischief than perhaps your old cat, who was a little older and more mature (past the horrible age 🙈)

We combat it by acitvely engaging with them. We of course play with them (although not excesively, because they are really good at playing together and to try not to wind Them Up too much), we bought them some different activity toys to challenge their mind and wear them out mentally, and we take them for walks outside on a leash (we have a dog, so take them All to the beach and different Places and they are exhausted when we get home).
We have been doing this from the start, but really stepped it up once they seriously started their "teenage trouble" and it truely makes such a difference.
Obviously I don't know how much of this you have time for with the baby, but if you are set on keeping Them, then you could try to incorporate it and it should help tone their energy levels down a bit.

Do they have more than one litteratur box? It is usually recommended to have one for each cat +1. Although we Only have two,
you should consider that one might not be enough. We had a couple of accidents, when we tried to keep it at Only one litter box total. Since getting out the second one and being really vigilant with cleaning it, we have had no accidents since.

But you should definitely consider the fact that having Them confined away from everyone and not allowing Them free roam (doesn't have to be EVERY Room, just the Main rooms) with the family could be part of the problem. I understand your reasoning as you have to protect your child, but as well as being on the wild side, they are also a very social breed. I usually compare Them to dogs when explaining their Nature to people. They need social interaction and space to roam. Being closed off from parts of the house, presumably where you spend a Lot of time is going to cause Them frustration. I cannot go into any part of the house without Them following me All Over both floors. When i step into a Room for and close the door (eg to go to the bathroom) i can hear Them calling for me on the other side of the door.
If you feel like you can't handle Them there is No shame in taking Them back to the breeder. There are a lot of bengals from the age of 1-3 yo up for adoption, since this is a particularly difficult period for a time consuming (but oh so lovely) breed. Not All people are truely prepared for it, nor have a lifestyle that fits and that's okay. Your life changed suddenly and this has changed the dynamics of the house.

However I think you should keep Them together if you rehome Them. They have been together All their lives and would take great comfort in eachother, after going to a new place. They probably do wind eachother Up a bit, but that is the danger of getting two cats the same age. If this becomes the choice, I would do as much as I could to keep Them together if possible ❤️

@Justthoughts wow - me and my DH were so touched by your response. Thank you for taking the time to write!

You have described Bengal behaviour to a T!! I struggle finding time to dedicate to them since my baby arrived 5 months ago, which is clearly upsetting them. And DH is at work all day so he isn't here to play with them as much as they need. I know they are upset to not be allowed in the rest of the house when I'm on my own with baby but they are so naughty that I think
I'd have a breakdown looking after all three babies 😕

I think you're spot on that they are at a difficult age. What toys have you got them? We have a few but would be interested if there's something better out there.

As you have harness trained your cats, I wonder if you let them outside at all? We were so good at spending oodles of time with them before baby arrived and it's so difficult now. The biggest problem is our boy's unpredictable behaviour and that he's not grown out of biting us. The girl will be gentle in her play but he just goes for us occasionally to the point where I'm a little fearful.

We live in a mid terrace in London (zone 3, so not too central) which is why we are reluctant to let them out but I know they'd be much happier if we did. Not sure it would stop our boy from biting though. We have two litter trays so one each.

We are still waiting to hear from the breeder who I think will agree with you about keeping them together. They've only started really winding each other up since our baby arrived. They do still lie together and love each other xx

You went in to it blindly! Bengals are demanding cats. Beautiful, characteristic, demanding cats. I love them. I however, have a family and decided to adopt a rescue cat. I cant get my head around a breeder letting you have them. A rescue centre will rehome them properly. Plus you really should offer a donation to help with their care.

One of mine is a Bengal (now 14 and has NEVER toiletted outside the litter tray or attacked anyone) so it obviously depends on the cat. Having said that I am cat mad and am always looking at our local cat rescue pages, they quite often have young Bengals available for rehoming but very other few pedigrees.They can be hard work but you are also uptight about things like having litter trays indoors and cats walking on work surfaces. In my experience children will not go near litter trays and cats will walk on work surfaces and no harm is done.

@Marriedwithchildren5 - No we didn't. We owned a Bengal before these two, until he was killed at 5 years old. His death left such a gaping hole in our lives and home and no other breed came close to the Bengal personality for us. We were great Bengal parents but since becoming 'real' parents we have struggled with managing so many demanding babies.

I have a cat but tbh I find her hard work (and she really isn't !) since having my baby, she occasionally stands in her poops then leaves poop prints or sneezes and leaves snot splats and I absolutely cannot stand it around my baby. Once my mums cat dies she will be going to live at her house. If I were you I'd probably contact the breeder to see what can be done from their end , if she's a good breeder she will help you out of your predicament, but I do think they both need to go I'm afraid. My cat got worse around my baby when she could crawl, then worse again when walking...thankfully she runs off but your boy sounds like he may attack!

Sorry. Id love a Bengal but i know enough that the breed would not fit in with my family life. All im saying is when you give them up, give a little to the rescue centre. It will be appreciated. I read your thread. No one should get this breed unless they are 100% on board with their demands. You obviously had an amazing cat. You cant replace that.

@Marriedwithchildren5 we couldn't believe it when we fell pregnant. I'd never been pregnant in my life and was 37 at the time.

I don't think a rescue centre is the way to go with bengals. We are trying to speak to the very reputable breeder as she will have the best advice to get them the happiest life x

Just realised my first sentence in my latest post doesn't make sense - what I mean is that they fit in perfectly with our 'family life' when we were just two adults. Add a preemie baby and it's worrying - because our boy has a habit of biting which is more tolerable (though far from ideal) if you're an adult, but an absolute deal breaker when there's a child around. So our family life changed much, much quicker than we would ever have imagined. If we had taken longer to get pregnant the cats may have mellowed a bit but they are only 17 months old themselves.