Is it normal to hate family life sometimes? Is there something wrong with me?

[jsername]

I've always loved being a mum. My relationship isn't 100% and has its ups and downs but on a whole, we make things work very well.

Sometimes it's just expected that I go through these phases of being miserable now (every 3 weeks or so) where I am desperate to end my relationship, where I want to just go on nights out and have my fun, where I don't want any more children ever as I don't want to be tied down anymore than I am. I feel so guilty when I think this stuff.

It's not a constant, I then go through 'up phases' where I'm desperate for more children, and love my little family and can't think of anything more fulfilling.

Is there something wrong with me??

I think you should change your thinking about being a bad mum if you go out and have fun without ds.

Doing things for yourself, that make you happy is being a good mum. You need to look after yourself to look after others.

Also dc need to see us being people too. Not everything should revolve round them. Eat what you want sometimes.

I completely understand. DH and I have just been through a very lean couple of years where money has been really tight and there’s been no spare cash for treats or fun. We were housebound every weekend. Even having friends over got boring after a while. I craved a change of scenery and some fun. Just to eat a meal in a restaurant and not have to cook. Or a chance to put on a dress and some heels and have a cocktail in a nice bar.

It really ground me down after two years and I was bored and a bit depressed. I felt trapped and like life was a massive drudge.

Things have got better recently. We actually went out for a meal the other night! It was a breath of fresh air. It sort of reminded me that life could be fun and it wasn’t all housework and school runs and early to bed and up at 7.

Basically, you need a decent night out op!

Yes Licia…a housework fairy would be great. I have children a similar age to you and can relate entirely to the noise and mess and hiding! I found the step up from 2 to 3 children bigger than I anticipated = noise, mess, giving of attention, constant juggling, I seem to be lacking a pair of hands.

Alice, Best wishes for your IVF treatment. Believe it or not, I had some fertility issues etc. and do feel grateful to have the children - sometimes, it can make me feel guilty for feeling this way, they were very much longed for. I don't suppose I did a proper reality check, it was just what I wanted but I wouldn't be without the little darlings now that they are here. Hormonal shift and mid life crisis are probably very much wrapped up in all of this too.

I find myself on my knees looking at the heavens crying "what the FUCK is WRONG with me......"

Oh right - i'm due on.

It is so liberating to make that link and know it's hormonal and brief!

Thank heaven for this thread - so refreshing and honest, and has helped me feel like I'm not the only one who feels this way. And I only have 1 DC, AND I work full time AND I go out about once a month.

I remember being bored and depressed by the routine of family life as a child and realising there was nothing much to look forward to about it (or maybe picking up on how miserable my parents were) so I was kind of prepared for it as an adult. I make sure I get some time on my own every weekend (I work full time) even if it's just going for a run.

Yes, my parents were miserable most of the time too...weirdly, I hadn't put two and two together and realised that it might have been the whole family because me and my brother spent most of our time with our grandparents and my parents had ready made babysitters, day and evening/weekends, so actually could have done a lot more to make themselves happier probably. My mother got a part-time job after school and at weekends when she didn't really need to and was always threatening to leave (I think this sent out a very clear message) and I never wanted to be like her, ever and so I try to throw myself into this parenting lark and actually spend time with my children and create lovely memories but I'm realising that its not easy, especially with no extended family.

lavender I'm sorry that sounds horrible.

To be clear, I love and like and spend all of my time with my children.

I create lovely memories, my children tell me I am a funny and happy mom.

My post is about my internal dialogue and the drudgery that comes with managing it all.

I feel like this too sometimes, OP. I only have one toddler and I’ll definitely not be having any more. I love him but I am so fucking tired. I sometimes reminisce about my pre baby days when I used to smoke and could have a bottle of wine to myself and get through 20 silk cut. I even miss when I could work late and do a good job and feel all pleased with myself. I’m a wreck, I look ten years older than I looked a couple of years ago. I’m boring and I just want to sleep all the time.

I used to love just dicking about. You know when you could spend hours just focused on something silly like flicking though a recipe book and deciding what to cook or researching the best face cream or whatever. I don’t ever do that any more. I do get time to myself, but it’s such a small amount that i stress I’m not using it properly when I get it!