AIBU?

[Threeminis]

Dh and I have been together for 15.5 years. He knows I have trouble sleeping- if I am woken/wake up in the middle of the night I really struggle to get back to sleep. On Saturday the cat woke me at 2:30am and I couldn't sleep again till after 5.

He has been working away recently, usually Monday to Friday but sometimes different. I appreciate this is shit for him but it's not all singing and dancing for me. We have 2 ds' eldest with adhd, and I work.

Dh left for a two night work trip this morning - got up at 3, had a shower and then got dressed by the light of his fucking iPhone. He then opened the en-suite door again (which shines the light directly on my face because he had to pack a bag and couldn't see!! (I asked him before we went to bed last night if he had a bag ready and he said all of what he needed was downstairs already)

Anyway, I'm now wide awake - chances of me getting back to sleep are slim. When I woke up (as he was getting into the shower) I asked him to close the en-suite door - which he did but then got dressed etc with his phone light.

AIBU or selfish or is he?!
He also just left without saying goodbye and is obviously pissed off with me because I asked him to put his phone light off.
I know he hates being away but surely he doesn't need to wake me up too?

Sorry if this seems ranty.. I'm just so tired all the time.

Get those things you put on your eyes to sleep with

I wake up at the slightest noise at that time of night too. It’s frustrating. However it’s pretty hard to get ready in the dark. A packed bag is fine but it doesn’t help you get dressed. You probably are BU here. Try ear plugs and eye mask things.

How is he supposed to get dressed in the dark?

He should have gone the evening before.

I probably am being ur but surely it works have been easier to dress in the en-suite. We live in a new build so with building regulations it is really spacious.

I did have a sleep mask but it's lost it's elasticity. Maybe I'll order a new one now

How could he get ready in the pitch black and completely silently? I know I couldn't.

Surely he or you should have slept in a spare room or on the sofa if he had to get up so early - it was obvious it was going to cause you a problem. Be proactive and solve it before it occurs next time?

YANBU... that would drive me mad too.
But on the upside, you’ve got 2 whole nights of peace ahead and the bed all to yourself!

Hope you manage to get back to sleep OP.

I think yabu. Sorry.

Fuck. It seems I am being a dick.

We don't have a spare room or that would be what I would suggest.

I've ordered a new mask. I'll just have to suck it up.

Op if noise and light are going to affect you to the point that you wake up and can't fall back asleep, then get ear plugs and a sleep mask, they only cost a few pounds for a set from boots/super drug/Sainsbury's etc...

I can see both sides tbh, but it depends what the alternatives are for him as to who is most unreasonable.

In order to avoid waking anyone else on my work days I have my clothes, wash stuff and bags ready downstairs the night before. I get up in the dark and get ready in the downstairs loo. I then shower at work. It isn't ideal for me but it makes everyone else's life easier so I just get on with it.

Actually I don’t think you are being a dick at all! Sometimes I can’t believe what I read on here. I would have packed a bag the night before and made huge efforts not to wake my sleeping DH who was going to have to work and care for kids the next day. He should have been packed and m ready and why couldn’t he dress in the bathroom after showering rather than opening and shutting doors with main lights on and pissing about with phone lights? He was selfish, and petulant to go without saying goodbye after he’d woken you up anyway.

I get where you are coming from. Despite asking dh not to waken me yesterday, he shone his iPhone torch in my eyes to see if I was awake. He couldn't quite grasp why I was so pissed off.

I'd suggest an eye mask and ear plugs if it affects you a lot. Dh manages the rest of school holidays to not waken me so I have no idea what he thought he was doing yesterday.

He should have his bag already packed and dress in the bathroom

However you should take steps to help yourself - eye mask, ear plugs, white noise

You are BOTH unreasonable

Exh used to watch tv into the night, a sleep mask and some wax earplugs, Quies, meant I could sleep soundly through it!

Thanks for all the replies.

I've just read over my op and it is really ranty so I'm amazed anyone actually replied 😳

I have ordered a new mask but cannot use earplugs - for some reason the idea of them freaks me out.

I was just really pissed off, he had told me his bag was ready, and then he left without even saying goodbye!

As @NorthernBirdAtHeart pointed out I have two nights in my own so I should hopefully catch up on sleep. If only this week was our half term.

I don’t think YABU. I am the same as you so DH gets his bag packed the night before, has all his clothes hanging ready in the bathroom etc to minimise the impact on me. I do the same if I go anywhere early in the morning.

Yanbu. He should have had a shower and packed his bag the night before and left his clothes on the landing, he could have crept out of bed and brushed his teeth downstairs.

OP earplugs would help you enormously. I can’t sleep without them, I would just try some at least.

@SneakyGremlins Tue 12-Feb-19 04:36:23
How is he supposed to get dressed in the dark?

He could have organised himself better and put his clothes and toiletries in the main bathroom so he could shower and get dressed in there.

Historically, I have been the one to get up earlier and have always had all my stuff ready and got dressed etc in another room. I don't turn any lights on in our room. So it is totally possible and therefore more considerate. When the roles have been reversed my husband is never ready and always insists he needs the lights on and uses his phone light. Not really sure what my point is, just sharing your rant!

He was being very selfish. He should have prepared the night before to minimise noise and light for you.

When I’ve needed to wake up in the early hours, I have chosen to sleep separately from DH so that he’s not disturbed. He’s not particularly sensitive either.

I recently got a really lovely sleep marks from Oliver bonas. It’s completely transformed my quality of sleep. Passion flower tea also works well.

I'm sorry but i think you may be unreasonable,

He's getting ready for work and providing for your family. I agree its very annoying and totally sympathise with you on this as my husband gets up before me as we have different work start times and he turns every light on and makes every noise possible, Including using the hair dryer on his very SHORT hair for 10 minutes in the bedroom!

See it from his Point of view, if it was you could you get ready in the dark for work? But hes working and providing just like you, so give him a little time off the ear bashing on this point.

YANBU OP. He could have gone into the ensuite, closed the door and turned the light on. Assuming it's properly ventilated dress in there, light off, door open and straight downstairs. Bag packed night before.