AIBU?

[Threeminis]

Dh and I have been together for 15.5 years. He knows I have trouble sleeping- if I am woken/wake up in the middle of the night I really struggle to get back to sleep. On Saturday the cat woke me at 2:30am and I couldn't sleep again till after 5.

He has been working away recently, usually Monday to Friday but sometimes different. I appreciate this is shit for him but it's not all singing and dancing for me. We have 2 ds' eldest with adhd, and I work.

Dh left for a two night work trip this morning - got up at 3, had a shower and then got dressed by the light of his fucking iPhone. He then opened the en-suite door again (which shines the light directly on my face because he had to pack a bag and couldn't see!! (I asked him before we went to bed last night if he had a bag ready and he said all of what he needed was downstairs already)

Anyway, I'm now wide awake - chances of me getting back to sleep are slim. When I woke up (as he was getting into the shower) I asked him to close the en-suite door - which he did but then got dressed etc with his phone light.

AIBU or selfish or is he?!
He also just left without saying goodbye and is obviously pissed off with me because I asked him to put his phone light off.
I know he hates being away but surely he doesn't need to wake me up too?

Sorry if this seems ranty.. I'm just so tired all the time.

Having spent many years getting up early whilst not waking DH (who was working shifts at the time) I think your husband was being selfish. There is no reason why he couldn't have packed his bag the night before. If it was me, I would have taken my clothes, makeup etc into the ensuite - if my hair needed styling or drying then it would have been done downstairs. I would also have had a shower before bed, thus not needing anything other than a quick face swill and teeth clean - especially if getting up at 3am.

I did often apologise to my DH for disturbing him as I assumed I would do and he hadn't even heard me because I was so quiet! Its entirely possible.

However - my DH, when he got up for the early shifts used to wake me without fail cos he was so bloody noisy!! Couldn't tiptoe anywhere to save his life! And couldn't possibly shut a door - it had to be slammed.

I think he was being very inconsiderate.
I start work at 6am 4 days a week. My partner doesn’t have to get up until 7am to do the school run before he goes to work.
I have a shower the night before and make sure my clothes are ready in the en-suite.
I make sure I turn my alarm off quickly and then get dressed in the en-suite with the door shut.
I then do my hair etc downstairs, I am also careful with doors and things downstairs to not wake him or the kids.

I don't think you're being a dick at all. He's been monumentally inconsiderate! He should have packed his bag the night before and put it downstairs, then made sure his clothes and toiletries were in the main bathroom so he wouldn't disturb you. Rude AF, I'd be irritated too. Hope you get a good rest now!

I don't think you are unreasonable. He should have packed the night before and perhaps had a shower then too, and he wouldn't have needed a shower a few hours later. He could have just got up and left.

He's getting ready for work and providing for your family

Eh? When I get ready and leave in the dark it's because I'm providing for my family. It is perfectly possible to provide for your family without causing unnecessary disturbance in the process.

YANBU!

My sleep is easily wrecked by inconsiderate behaviour, and as this thread shows, the 'sleep through anything' brigade have a hard time understanding how easy it is to become suddenly, FULLY awake from minor disturbances.

The flip side is, I am so considerate of my husband! I set out my clothes for the morning outside the bedroom, and get dressed downstairs whilst my tea brews after I've used the bathroom.

Bedroom - for the purpose of sleep. Therefore dark and quiet.
Rest of house - for being awake in. May be light and noise.

Not fucking difficult!

Give earplugs a chance, they are a god send if you are a light sleeper.

I think he could have easily had the bag ready downstairs and got dressed in the main bathroom. He could have also pointed the light down to the ground.

He's getting ready for work and providing for your family**

I get that, but, so am I!! I still need to keep the house in order, make sure that the kids have everything they need for school/get there on time and still go to work myself.

I was so pissed off this morning, I think mostly because he didn't even say goodbye to me. I'm kind of over it now.

For those posters who have asked what I would have done - I would have had a shower the night before, had a bag ready and either dressed in the en-suite or bathroom next door. I don't expect him to be silent.

To be honest, I fully expected to be slated here. So hopefully I'm not coming across as one of those posters who ask AIBU then turn round and say "no I'm not"

I'm the one in our house who gets up at ungodly hours to travel for work. I leave all my clothes out night before, shower in the other loo, and dry my hair etc in the living room.

DH still gets up to make me a cup of tea and a flask before I leave, bless him.

Yanbu.When dh works away he packs bag night before and showers when gets to hotel room (He has a bath night before)

YADNBU. He should have sorted his shit out before bedtime, and used the other bathroom.

Frankly, I’m amazed at the amount of posters who don’t seem to realise it’s possible to get dressed in another room.

Why didn't he get dressed and showered in the family bathroom so he didn't disturb you YANBU he has being inconsiderate!

DH leaves just after five on two mornings a week. He always has bags packed the night before, clothes hung up ready in the bathroom and makes almost zero noise as he leaves.

It's called consideration and respect.

In our house if one of us has to get up v early we leave clothes in another room and get changed there so we don't wake the other up

Well I don't envy him having to get up at that hour! So IMO YABU.

I get up first and put my clothes outside our room and dress on the landing so I don't wake H up. It's bloody inconsiderate to not do that.

Really don't know why people share beds all day every day with work and kids. Obviously some people don't have a choice but i feel like people mainly working mums will decide on more bedrooms if they could.

You're not being unreasonable. I leave early and hate the thought of waking anyone unnecessarily. You can't be silent but you can be considerate.

My routine

• Pack everything I don't need to get ready in the morning the night before and leave by the door
• I gather everything I need to get ready and put it in the bathroom the night before. I then put anything I need to take from the bathroom in a bag.
• All the food I need for the day is prepared in the fridge, dump it in its cool bag.

I know my house well, don't need to turn any lights on in the bedroom or hallways, bathroom light is the only one I have to have on. Everything that is required is ready and in a logical place, once I've left a room there should be no need to enter it again.

He's an adult, there is no reason he shouldn't be able to get his shit in order.

OP, you're not being a dick.

I get up first for work by a long way. I get my work bag and lunch ready the night before, and make sure my clothes are ready. I can then wash and dress in the bathroom away from disturbing others. I manage not to wake anyone, including a light sleeper.

It's not hard and is considerate to others.

Mind you, I wear a sleep mask because the street lights are too bright. They work well.

Sleep mask and earplugs arrived today.
Looking forward to a proper nights sleep.