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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nanny and Nudity

47 replies

HeyNannyNanny · 11/02/2019 18:50

I swear this isn't some weird pervert troll thing, feel free to search my username.

Im genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this, as it's not something I've really talked to people about much.

Im a Nanny, and the nature of my job means that I'm often having to get changed with the children.
At the moment I'm looking after one 8 year old girl, and we often go swimming etc which means, particularly at public pools, it's impossible to get changed privately whilst also supervising her appropriately.
Likewise public toilets, so we often share the same cubicle.

When we travel, we share a hotel room.

My question is, AIBU to allow her to see me naked?

At the moment I don't make a fuss, dress/undress as modestly as possible without hiding myself, and would say expose myself within the realms of a 12A movie.

I do not want to teach her that we should hide our bodies (though obviously I teach her what is appropriate and safe) and I also think it's important to display body confidence.
Her mother is very very thin where I am a size 12. Part of me thinks it's good for her to be exposed to different shapes, especially as she is getting a lot of pressure that thin is important (different culture, whole other thread...). She has commented before that my breasts are much bigger than her Mums. She did this at dinner

Her parents are very laid back and I haven't thought to bring it up with them, and the language barrier would make it a VERY difficult conversation that would likely be misunderstood.

Interested to hear others thoughts

OP posts:

LilaJude · 11/02/2019 18:54

I don’t think I would be bothered by this - you’re in a position of trust, and it’s an inevitability given the care you provide. It won’t be long before she wants privacy herself anyway.

The only thing that strikes me as a bit odd is the sharing a toilet cubicle - it doesn’t seem like this is necessary if she’s 8, so I would probably stop that.

Lollypop701 · 11/02/2019 18:54

I have a younger teenage dd. I’d be fine with this. Bodies are bodies, and nothing to be ashamed of, whatever size they are. Crack on. If the parents objected I’m sure they would mention it!

Lifeisabeach09 · 11/02/2019 18:55

If your charge and her parents don't have a problem with it, carry on.
A lot of cultures don't seem to have an issue with nudity (amongst women and children) like the Brits do.

Original poster

HeyNannyNanny · 11/02/2019 18:56

The only thing that strikes me as a bit odd is the sharing a toilet cubicle I hear you but it's more so I can go to the loo without her hanging around outside by herself. Her parents are celebrities so I also act as her bodyguard, it's VERY unlikely she'd get grabbed but I basically need to be able to see her at all times

OP posts:

Gth1234 · 11/02/2019 18:56

I am sure an 8yo can wait for you to get changed. You surely don't have to get changed in front of her if you don't want to.

Redglitter · 11/02/2019 18:56

Id agree with pp. Sharing a toilet cubicle at that age is un necessary.

SaucyJack · 11/02/2019 18:57

I really don’t think you need to be sharing toilet cubicles at her age. YABU for that alone.

Smoggle · 11/02/2019 18:59

You can definitely start going into separate changing and toilet cubicles now, she's 8 not 3!

Original poster

HeyNannyNanny · 11/02/2019 18:59

That's true about nudity and culture. They do naked saunas here mixed sex ones!!! [clutches pearls]

OP posts:

Vicky1990 · 11/02/2019 19:16

I think every thing you are doing is ok, including toilet arrangements.
You are being responsible and protective, and if her parents are happy with you carry on.

User2019 · 11/02/2019 19:18

Ooh. A listers or Z listers?

I’m just curious

DoJo · 11/02/2019 19:22

Couldn't you send her into an adjacent cubicle and tell her to wait until you're done? Getting charged etc is one thing, but going to the loo is probably where I would draw the line, both ways!

Original poster

HeyNannyNanny · 11/02/2019 19:23

Erm, not sure on the letter but they are very famous in their country, but I imagine very few people on MN would know of them, so nothing to write home about!

OP posts:

Original poster

HeyNannyNanny · 11/02/2019 19:24

@Dojo I hadn't thought of that. Possibly. Though she often asks me to go in with her. For me, it is wees only and never anything period related. For her... Well. Let's just last time we went to the beach I caught her shoving sand where no lady would want sand... She has no real boundaries. (she's very young for her age)

OP posts:

Nomorepies · 11/02/2019 19:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Yougotdis · 11/02/2019 19:28

Look at getting a Robie if your worried. Used to have to change wet suit in front of students and my bikini underneath would often go awol. Not so bad when it’s little ones, when you’ve been teaching surf to a bunch of 15 year olds it’s awkward for everyone. A robie is basically and over the head towel

paintinmyhairAgain · 11/02/2019 19:29

do you turn your back to each other when you change ? us brits are very up tight about nudity it's true, if people were more open it would be so much better. it's like talking about death, it takes the mystery and awkwardness away.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 11/02/2019 19:29

Naked saunas makes me think it is a Scandi or Germanic country... or at least continental... in which case you have nothing to worry about. Women sunbathe topless in a lot of those places and the general attitude to nudity is much more relaxed. Nudity is not something sexual or something to be embarrassed about like it is in Britain or North America. (IME of course).

I think it's good that you are conscious of it though, you sound like a great nanny.

MrsMWA · 11/02/2019 19:31

I have lived and worked in China and there are very few boundaries among women to do with toiletting and periods etc etc of all ages. People literally converse while crapping. I didn’t grow up in the UK either so I wasn’t too horrified but it does take a lot of getting used to. And yes at the very upper eschelons of society, grown women still have their bottoms wiped by a maid. Totally, totally normal across Asia until the 20th century. Ever wondered why those fancy bum washing toilets exist, now you know. I had no idea.

MyBiscuitspread · 11/02/2019 19:33

I think there's nothing wrong with teaching her boundaries and the importance of privacy. I would go in the same toilet cubicle but make her face the other way and not watch you or give her your phone to occupy her for a bit.
I would definitely not leave her outside given the circumstances.

Haffdonga · 11/02/2019 19:33

If getting changed modestly or even being naked in a sauna in that culture sounds the norm I'd say it would almost be weird for you not to do that. But I'm imagining it's not the norm to share a loo with 8 year olds in the same country, so I wouldn't.

If the security risk to the child is so great that you feel it's inappropriate to use a public loo then don't. (Or do what a PP said and tell her to go in the next door cubicle at the same time.)

Original poster

HeyNannyNanny · 11/02/2019 19:35

I have some significant concerns about her attitude towards body image, she does ballet and her teacher has told her she needs to lose 2 kg because she is "too fat" (direct translation), her Dad regularly tells her she is too fat.
In the country we live, I am obese. I'm not, I'm a healthy size 12. Im trying to subtly drill into her that you can be healthy and still eat, and be fuller figured and still healthy. Part of that is not hiding my "fat" body as if I'm ashamed of it.
I'm not sure I've explained that properly. It's a really huge issue at the moment tho.

OP posts:

kitkatsky · 11/02/2019 19:46

Re the toilet issue it you want to change it, I let 7yo DD go into separate cubicle if she can show she can lock and unlock door and she has to stay in her cubicle til I come out of mine

MandalaYogaTapestry · 11/02/2019 19:46

If DD is doing ballet seriously the weight requirements can be different from what's acceptable on average. "Too fat" is a bad choice of words though.

Original poster

HeyNannyNanny · 11/02/2019 19:49

@MandalaYogaTapestry true however she is absolutely not fat and 2kg would make her seriously underweight

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