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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nanny and Nudity

47 replies

HeyNannyNanny · 11/02/2019 18:50

I swear this isn't some weird pervert troll thing, feel free to search my username.

Im genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this, as it's not something I've really talked to people about much.

Im a Nanny, and the nature of my job means that I'm often having to get changed with the children.
At the moment I'm looking after one 8 year old girl, and we often go swimming etc which means, particularly at public pools, it's impossible to get changed privately whilst also supervising her appropriately.
Likewise public toilets, so we often share the same cubicle.

When we travel, we share a hotel room.

My question is, AIBU to allow her to see me naked?

At the moment I don't make a fuss, dress/undress as modestly as possible without hiding myself, and would say expose myself within the realms of a 12A movie.

I do not want to teach her that we should hide our bodies (though obviously I teach her what is appropriate and safe) and I also think it's important to display body confidence.
Her mother is very very thin where I am a size 12. Part of me thinks it's good for her to be exposed to different shapes, especially as she is getting a lot of pressure that thin is important (different culture, whole other thread...). She has commented before that my breasts are much bigger than her Mums. She did this at dinner

Her parents are very laid back and I haven't thought to bring it up with them, and the language barrier would make it a VERY difficult conversation that would likely be misunderstood.

Interested to hear others thoughts

OP posts:

Blahdeblahbahhhhh · 11/02/2019 19:52

I don't think anything you are doing is inappropriate and I wouldn't be worried if I was the parent. In the UK and not being a celebrity (!) it would be totally unnecessary to share a toilet cubical, but I understand why you do.

What has made you question this?

Gottalovesummer · 11/02/2019 19:53

Hi OP. I think it's really difficult to ask for our views as you're in a totally different culture and environment (celebrity) to most of us.

I'm a cm, so have to deal with some of these issues. But I'm in England and I'm not a bodyguard to any of my children, so my take on it is different to yours.

But sounds like you're dealing with it really well though x

databreachname · 11/02/2019 19:55

Haven't you had to undergo training? Why are you asking on Mumsnet? Surely you have a safeguarding code of conduct you should stick to?

LilQueenie · 11/02/2019 19:56

I don't think its unreasonable at all. Sadly there was an incident of a mother letting her dd go to the public toilet as she waited outside the main entrance. Said child was sexually assaulted. I never let DD use the toilet alone and do share a cubicle. It was too close to home.

The child of a celebrity may be more of a target for anyone really if recognised to keep doing what you are.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 11/02/2019 19:58

HeyNanny, I'd venture to guess that the ballet instructor is not trying to be mean and would know what weight is acceptable for ballet dancers. Which will very likely be below what's normal on average.

Allyballybeee · 11/02/2019 20:09

Getting changed together - OK

Sharing a toilet cubicle - Not necessary.

My youngest daughter is 7 and I always expect her to go into a cubicle by herself. If we can, we’ll go into cubicles next to each other. But if not, she’s old enough to know, if she’s finished before me, to go wash her hands, dry them and wait for me.

quizqueen · 11/02/2019 20:10

Surely, you would discuss this with her parents and do whatever they feel comfortable with. It doesn't matter what mumsnet thinks.

Springwalk · 11/02/2019 20:11

I would simply ask the child you look after to turn away and look at rhe door when you are toileting. My children do this and it is fine. We chat whilst looking away. I wouldn’t leave my dds either as we travel to some weird and wonderful places and there is no way I would leave them.
Undressing modestly is fine, and quite frankly normal. You sound very thoughtful and considerate, lucky family for sure

amidaiwas · 11/02/2019 20:15

If DD is doing ballet seriously the weight requirements can be different from what's acceptable on average.

Not at age 8 it's not unless seriously screwed up

bevelino · 11/02/2019 20:26

If she is 8 now at what age are you going to let her have privacy using the loo.

Frogstaring · 11/02/2019 20:32

I'm curious as to what country this is- saunas suggest Scandinavian but I wouldn't have thought of them being the ones to have such an uptight attitude to weight? (Must admit that I know nothing about that, just my initial thoughts).

GetOffTheTableMabel · 11/02/2019 20:36

When my dd reached about this age it started to feel a bit inappropriate/unnecessary to share a cubicle but I wasn’t comfortable leaving her to her own devices. If we couldn’t have neighbouring cubicles, we would go one after the other. She would go first and then when she came out, I would go in but she would stand right outside with her foot sticking under the door so I could see her shoe and then we’d go and wash hands together.
I think your attitude to getting changed is entirely appropriate and far preferable to leaving your charge unattended, even for a few minutes.

cantbeb0thered · 11/02/2019 20:38

My guess is Japan. Or similar. I was a size 12 when I lived there and felt like I was tbe size of a house. They are so tiny. When you are pregnant they monitor your weight like a hawk.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 11/02/2019 20:40

amida you would be surprised. My DD used to ice skate at quite a high level. Her coach told her to watch how much bread she eats when she was 7 as this is the age when the future body shape is starting to form.

Aridane · 11/02/2019 20:42

Russia?

sizzledrizz · 11/02/2019 20:49

I would be happy for my daughter to see other peoples different size and shape bodies, in an appropriate manner. I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing.

CustardySergeant · 11/02/2019 20:50

I was thinking South Korea.

Iwishiwasapunkrocker · 11/02/2019 20:50

I wouldn’t do that and I’m a foster carer, its drummed into you for safer caring issues.

Tinkobell · 11/02/2019 20:58

I don't understand why you are sharing a toilet cubicle with an 8 year old. That is odd. I probably dragged my kids into the loo with me out of desperate necessity a handful of times Pre aged 5 - at airports or shopping centres etc. So why?????
In a changing room, you could slip into your swimwear at home and have your clothes on over the top. Then later put a towel around your waist. I don't think just allowing quite casually your charges to see your nude body is very appropriate OP. Sorry but I don't.

PentreBachCymraeg · 11/02/2019 21:29

What country are you in where a size 12 is considered obese?

LynetteScavo · 11/02/2019 22:00

How do you PM on the app? I would PM you OP, but can't.

What I will say is that I have been employed in a very similar situation. Taking her into a toilet cubicle at this age is totally appropriate. You may need to try to both go into separate cubicles at the same time in near future. Your concerns re public toilets are a conversation you need to have with the parents. They will either reassure you or employ extra staff for security.

I think the amount of nudity you'd have in a communal changing room is just as fine in a hotel room. I wouldn't sit around naked, but neither would I be hiding behind the bathroom door.

LynetteScavo · 11/02/2019 22:01

@PentreBachCymraeg Paris? (But not the rest of France)

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