to wonder if a counsellor would tell my partner he's abusive?

[lagalaga]

Or at least that his behaviour (belittling me, to the point that I am scared to say or do anything wrong) is wrong?

Or do they just do that annoying thing where they don't want to give a straightforward answer and just try and get you to talk amongst each other?

I'm fed up.

The advice is not to go together as others have said.

I did go and I was so lucky to get a sharp counsellor who saw it immediately. After the first session she asked us to come each by ourselves once.
When we went back in together she told him not to come again and asked me to keep coming.

She told me that I could stop now. I had tried enough and that I couldn't fix him/it.

I feel like she gave me permission to believe myself and I owe that woman so much.

Im sorry OP that you are asking these questions because it means you are in a horrible place.

He won't change for you or your daughter, it's not going to happen. So you have to.