to be fed up of mother's hospital appointments

[Ceci03]

so, my mother has multiple health issues - she was diagnosed with a heart condition about 2 years ago, so has regular check ups for that. she has a knee replacement which is becoming sore, so she has check ups for that - she had to have it re-done twice. she has a thing called alpha D which is like a chest/liver complaint, so regular checks for that. she had bell's palsy in her face, so has regular botox in her face for that, plus they want to do something about her eyelid which has gotten very droopy. she's just been diagnosed with uterine cancer, so she has a lot of tests to go to for that. she spends her life literally going to different appointments. this week she is at a different hospital every day. then there's my father's appointments too. Is there ever a time do you think where you just say 'enough is enough' and just live your life rather than spend it in hospital waiting rooms. Should say I dont have a good relationship with either of my parents. I@m just so tired of the drama and the hospital appts, and what was said or what needs to be done. I'm so tired of it. I guess I should feel more sorry for her but it's hard as I really feel nothing. Just thinking if I get to that stage I might be tempted to just stop going and 'let nature take it's course'. I hate hospitals :(

However whatever decisions she makes are hers, so do respect that. Whatever you decide.

And don’t ditch the relationship just because you don’t like hospitals. If that is really the case.

Only you know yourself.

I would find this very wearing, simply because my mother has never been there for me when I was the one in need. I also have perfect sisters, but I am the one my mum wants to listen to her (she talks at me, rather than having any sort of conversation).

I have gone out of my way for an elderly relative of my husband's (who we sadly lost a couple of days ago) and would have done anything he asked of me, because he was always lovely to me and had always shown that we were important to him. He loved us and our children and we all adored him. I just don't have that with my parents.

If you have got into a habit of talking at certain times, could you arrange to be out (or not answer the phone) for some of these times? If you have a difficult relationship then you are probably the wrong person to be listening to her so often. Is it because she wants some form of help from you, do you think, or more that she wants to make you feel bad or somehow punish you?

It sounds like you're the scapegoat of the family, that us really tough and painful...

Have you read up on toxic families?

thanks everyone. yes RandomMess I think I am the 'scapegoat'. I'm still struggling with it all. Can see I'm still very much in the 'FOG'. I get so caught up in it sometimes I cant see it. It was good to post here thx

I do have to take my mum to multiple appointments and i have to take my daughter to lots as well who has special needs and my mum expects to be taken out nearly every day and i have to do her bills etc.and i have to take her shopping. And i have to repeat myself constantly as she asks same questions. And i work and i get fed up with it.
But one day she wont be here anymore and that will be a whole lot worse than having to do all I mentioned.

@Ceci03

I am on the fence here. OTOH your OP sounds a bit callous and harsh (like you're annoyed by your parents just being ill!)

Then again I get what you're saying. Who wants a life of going to hospital appointments several times a week?

Maybe they like going/enjoy the attention? Who knows?!

Some people love the attention they get from being ill/going to hospital/being in hospital.

One lady I know is around 75, and has FIVE carers a day visiting her, (for about 45 minutes each time,) 7.00am-7.45am, 11.30am-12.15pm, 3.30pm-4.15pm, 7.00pm-7.45pm, and 10.00pm-10.45pm. The first one gets her up out of bed and showers her and gets her breakfast, and the last one gets her supper and puts her to bed. The ones in between, clean for her and cook her meals, and change her (adult) nappies 4-5 times a day. She doesn't leave the house to even go in the garden, let alone go to town, or for a walk around the village.

She has 4 kids who each visit her once a month if she is lucky. Apart from the carers, she is alone 95% of her life, watching TV, and waiting for the next carer to come. She regularly falls over, she can't go to the loo on her own, or shower or wash herself, and she is locked IN for her own safety.

Everyone around her (neighbours and acquaintances and people she knows) thinks the same thing... WTF is the point in living? It may sound harsh (to some,) but seriously?! What kind of life is THAT?

The same could be said/asked of your parents (and people like them.)

What is the point of a life where you are constantly ill and in hospital and having treatment, and battling pain, and pumping yourself full of drugs?

If were an animal, they would be put to sleep. Does make you wonder why humans go through what we wouldn't put animals through...........

of course you could do what my husband does when my MIL phones, which is basically watch TV and grunt every so often. Seems to work for them!