To feel nothing about unpleasant neighbour dying.

[Cherrypiefilling]

Our 70 year old neighbour has terminal cancer. He has been extremely unpleasant for the last ten years and his barking dogs and other incidents have really damaged our enjoyment of our property.
He's now dying and I feel nothing but relief which is also shared discreetly by another neighbour and with very vocal enjoyment by a third.
How do I handle his next of kin? He's been an utter bastard, I don't feel I could even say 'sorry for your loss'

also wondering why you have to have anything to do with his family?

Presumably the wife will remain living next door so that's why the OP will have dealings with her. They may share a party wall.

‘It’s a relief the suffering is over’

You don’t have to mean his

Have the family ever tried to help with the situation or have they been equally unpleasant?

This would be a non-issue for me, I barely interact with any neighbours, nice or otherwise!

Sometimes people are difficult when they're frightened or in pain. It makes them grumpy, snappy and nasty. An Ex of mine was like that. I couldn't stand it in the end and had to leave him.

Saying you're sorry for someone's loss is hardly "rolling the red carpet out". It's common decency.

Contact with the neighbours or relatives is all part of living in a small town. They lost one of their out of control dogs over a cliff edge and over the next month I got told by 12 different people.
We used to maintain a dignified silence but since we nearly lost a dammed good builder because he thought we were connected to them we've been a bit more straight forward.

I could have started a few parking threads about a particular neighbour who died. However his family were all extremely close and his wife was devastated when he died. I had flowers and a card delivered and genuinely felt sorry for their loss, even though I wouldn't miss him myself.

I hate to say it, but you are acting like a callous prat, because he isn't your cup of tea doesn't mean he won't have people who will feel his loss and some polite acknowledgement of that isn't hypocritical.

Having watched someone die very slowly and painfully of cancer i wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, let alone someone whose barking dog has cauded you minor inconvenience.

If you haven't got anything nice to say, say nothing. This seems appropriate in that kind of situation. What's to be gained by saying something crappy?

You don’t like him and you don’t like his wife. Just don’t say anything.

It sounds like your opinion of him is widely held so it's not a case of you being callous. We don’t have to feel sad about every death.

contact with neighbours - sure

it's just you said "deal" with his wife so I thought maybe there was more to it

Don't say anything. It's pointless pretending that you cared about him when you didn't. However if/when you see his wife you can ask her how she is and if there is anything she needs? You mention that she is also unpleasant, but I have seen the most unpleasant people become very frail and vulnerable once they have lost their partner. Perhaps, after he dies, you could knock on the door with some flowers, and it may be the start of a better relationship with her? If she's still unpleasant, at least you know where you stand!!

We had similar around here recently - very unpleasant neighbour died in quite unpleasant circumstances (died while her daughter was away on holiday and wasn't found till she returned). Neighbour had a history of being vile and abusive and vandalising people's property - but however unpleasant we'd found her to endure living alongside, her daughter was still a daughter who'd just lost her mother and so being polite was definitely the order of the day. If you can't say anything nice definitely springs to mind here.

be the better person

you lost any ability to be that when you started discussing with neighbours the relief you felt that someone was dying of terminal cancer and not being able to give any genuine consideration to his relatives.

this is one of these times where if you have nothing good to say you haud your wheesht (keep your mouth shut, discretely or otherwise) and give heartfelt condolences to the bereaved.

Saying you're sorry for someone's loss is hardly "rolling the red carpet out". It's common decency.
This ^^. Can't people be nice just for nice's sake? Would it kill people (no pun intended here) to be pleasant? Personally I always end up feeling happier when I've been nice, even if I detest the person, so even if you don't want to benefit them then do it for yourself.

We don’t have to feel sad about every death.

The correct human thing is normally to find a reason to be sad, sad for the relatives, grateful for someone's work ethic, etc. It hit me that I am really struggling to find anything but relief. I hope I never come across another human being that makes me feel like this.

You sound as vile as your neighbour, OP. I have horrendous neighbours that have driven me to the point of contemplating suicide. I still wouldn’t wish cancer on them.

Why don’t you take it one step further and encourage your children to bang the walls and cheer, as his body is being taken out? You don’t have to grieve his passing, but ffs, the man has cancer. You can even have a sense if relief, by all means, but gleefully taking about it to other neighbours is saying as much about all of you, as it is about him.

OP, what you can't bring yourself to offer in emotional support, you can offer in practical help if needed. That's one way around it.

But also, you are overthinking to some degree, a sympathy card through the door will probably be all they expect.

I hope I never come across another human being that makes me feel like this.

I hope I never come across a human being with so little decency that their primary feeling is relief when someone is dying of terminal cancer and their family is going through the hell of watching them slowly and potentially painfully die.

This person meant nothing to you all they did was make you upset and miserable you don't have to feel sad for him the wife or his family but dancing on his grave with other neighbours is not gracious (sp) surely a respectful shush is better than laughing at a persons death.

We had a neighbour who was a really unpleasant man, disliked by most of the people living round about. When he died suddenly I offered help & support to his wife as she was in shock and concentrated attention on her needs. This meant it was never necessary to say anything insincere such as "He was such a lovely man" because I was able to focus my comment on her, "You were a very loving wife," "You obviously cared for him very much" etc when she wanted to talk about him

Can't say anything nice keep quiet.

FunkyKingston I am truly saddened for you or anyone else supporting people through terminal cancer. I found the heartbreak involved overshadowed the good memories for far too long.

The dogs have never been a minor inconvenience, they attacked delivery people & visitors and at the time I had tiny children to protect. The worst moment was when one escaped and raced across a field to attack my dog. That afternoon I had a miscarriage. I'll never know if that would have happened just like many other women have experienced but I certainly did n't need to hear from him 'you can't have been that pregnant' or from her 'women are in car crashes and don't lose their babies'.
I was too nice at the time, in shock, I did n't call the police. Partly thinking these could be long term neighbours, we have to find away through it. Sadly they turned out not to be deserving of that sentiment.

No one is saying you and your NDN didn't have significant problems with each other. It still isn't right to say what you are saying to other neighbours. Your street sounds like an awful place to live if it has so many with no common or genuine decency.