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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Other people buying your baby essentials

51 replies

Cremeeggsareforever · 11/02/2019 07:13

Is it just mean that finds it weird how many people expect this? Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against it. If people want to buy any items (big or small) then it's lovely! I'd be lying if I said I had never gone shopping with my mum and picked up some bottles or something and she hadn't said 'I'll get those'. And if people offer to buy something then I'm not going to say no to the kind offer, as they obviously want to do this.

But am I the only one who finds it odd that people kind of....expect their family to buy the essential items (often the costly ones)? We have bought our own pram, cot, etc and friends have been baffled by this. Most have actually asked what pram we have and then said "oh that's nice, who got you it?" and then been surprised when we say we bought it ourselves.

Does anyone else think this?

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 11/02/2019 07:18

It certainly wasn't anything that I was expecting and it's not something that anyone I know would expect. I haven't expected my parents to buy me anything since I left home!

I wonder if it's an age thing? If you're in your twenties when having your first then maybe it's more of a norm? Compared to in your mid-thirties and upwards like I was when I had my first.

Cornishmum00 · 11/02/2019 07:21

I find it odd, i was a young mum and we still brought all the baby things ourselves so not an age thing in our situation

Original poster
Cremeeggsareforever · 11/02/2019 07:22

I'm in my mid 20s with my first and I still find it bizarre!

OP posts:
Seline · 11/02/2019 07:23

I didn't expect this, but it was really nice. My parents bought our cot and our pram, because they wanted to. I was very grateful.

ReaganSomerset · 11/02/2019 07:25

We bought it all ourselves too. Not met anyone that expected or experienced otherwise, but I guess maybe it just didn't come up in conversation.

gamerwidow · 11/02/2019 07:25

A lot of our big baby items were bought by family because they wanted too. We didn’t need them to but they would have put out if we had said no. It wasn’t an expectation but in some families it makes the in laws feel more involved if they can buy something and they’d take it as a snub if you refused. Different traditions for different people.

BikeRunSki · 11/02/2019 07:25

I didn’t expect it, and it didn’t happen!

Bibijayne · 11/02/2019 07:26

My parents bought our nursery furniture. But this wasn't expected. Various friends and family have bought toys and cute outfits. We anticipated this (first grandbaby, first niece/nephew on both sides) but were okay if not

Jackshouse · 11/02/2019 07:27

I knew my Mum would want to buy our pram she had bought one for my sister and her Mum have bought the pram for us but I waited for her to offer.

brookshelley · 11/02/2019 07:28

I don't know anyone who expected this from their families.

implantsandaDyson · 11/02/2019 07:29

Meh, it's just a different way of doing things. I was in my 30s when I had my three kids. My nana bought me my pram, my pils bought me a changing table, my parents bought me a cot and various other very close relatives bought me other bits and pieces.

To be honest it would be pretty standard to be bought a big item by your family where I am. It wouldn't really occur to me that it was odd. My mum bought each of my kids their first pair of shoes as well and she buys new uniform for them in September

Ohnonotuagain · 11/02/2019 07:29

I don't know anyone who would expect it to be bought for them but I do know a lot of people whose parents offer to buy larger items like the cot, pram, etc.

Squ1ggle · 11/02/2019 07:32

My parents bought our pram for dc1, we certainly didn't expect or ask for it but it was a lovely gesture and I think helped them to feel involved. We're now expecting dc2 and they have said that if there's anything we need they would like to help and that's lovely but again not expected

Hunter037 · 11/02/2019 07:33

I dont think it is an expectation.

I wouldn't be surprised to hear that someone bought their own pram, or that it was bought for them. I would probably assume they bought it themselves and wouldn't ask who bought it.

TickleMeEmo · 11/02/2019 07:34

Mid 20s pregnancy with my 2nd and we certainly didn’t/don’t expect anyone to buy us things for either child, nor do any of my similarly aged friends that I know of.
We got most things as hand-me-downs or bought 2nd hand though. We were genuinely overwhelmed by people’s generosity with gifts when DS1 was born... DHs colleagues went completely over the top!

Oysterbabe · 11/02/2019 07:36

I also don't know anyone who expected this and no one asked me who bought my stuff. Maybe because I was mid 30s when I had mine.

CocoLoco87 · 11/02/2019 07:37

Most of my friends had their pram bought by one set of grandparents. They were spending £800-£1000 on this!!! Neither mine or DH's parents have this kind of money and they have lots of grandchildren. My parents bought us something that cost £200 and we were very grateful. We used it for our next DC. They bought the same thing for the first babies in each child's family to keep it fair.

Bamchic · 11/02/2019 07:40

Pre DH, not something that would’ve occurred to me. It mil has bought all her children prams for DC and has said she will buy ours which is kind. But yeah would’ve just assumed I would get to be honest

Tink88 · 11/02/2019 07:42

I don’t think it’s an expectation it depends on your family and your relationship. My parents bought us pretty much everything because they wanted to. DH bought us nothing because that’s just how they are.

anniehm · 11/02/2019 07:47

Mostly we just received a few clothes after she was born (no grabby baby showers then) plus work collected for me and asked what I would like based on the amount they had. Mum bought my pram but only because Nanna had just died and left her a little bit of money (stuffed in an envelope), she had so little, living month to month, so no idea how she put it aside, mum thought it was fitting - and the right amount for a decent one (£400)

OwlBeThere · 11/02/2019 07:47

cant say i know of anyone who expects it. my mum bought me my first pram and then i paid her back weekly as we were very young and not well off at the time. but thats the only thing we ever had bought for us, and it cetainly wasn't expected for her to do it.

ladycarlotta · 11/02/2019 07:49

I don't expect anything, and our parents haven't offered, except for my mum who wanted to buy the pushchair and it would be more of a fight to refuse. We've had some lovely hand-me-downs and loans from family, and I know that people will get the baby little gifts when it arrives, but I certainly don't expect anybody to buy us the necessities. Apart from anything else it would be stepping on our toes a bit, since we'll be doing it our way and other people's ideas of what a baby must have vary hugely. I'd hate to feel obliged to use something that didn't suit us/baby simply because it was a gift.

Stormy76 · 11/02/2019 07:49

It’s not expected but it’s the norm that family pitch in and help out with a new baby and part of that is the expense. People generally buy bigger items as gifts

Petalflowers · 11/02/2019 07:51

I have seen threads on mn when expected mums have been disappointed because they expect family members to automatically buy xyz etc.

Some gp do like to buy a significant item - pram, cot etc.

picklemepopcorn · 11/02/2019 07:52

It's a tradition for GPs to buy a cot or pram, I believe. A young couple would have struggled to find the money up front for something like that.
I don't think people realise how much cheaper 'stuff' is, proportionally, now.