Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm f***ing disgusting

46 replies

ABeachInBarcelona · 10/02/2019 18:24

I just feel like I hate myself.

No matter how "beautiful" my partner tells me I am, I hate myself from the inside out.

I am constantly stressed and worried over what is probably little stuff to the point I get myself upset and worked up. I feel like I'm a horrible person who can't do anything right. My personality is shit. I am not funny. I don't have my patience before my brain goes into overdrive and I worry. I am over sensitive. The list goes on.

I hate my appearance. I'm too pale and freckley to be pretty. I'm ugly. I'm on the chubby side. I've been dieting and exercising to make myself feel better but it's made me realise I can't change my body shape. I'll never be skinny.

My hair is shit.

I just feel shit. Constantly.

OP posts:
Grumpbum123 · 10/02/2019 18:26

Ditto. It’s hard and I have no advice except I doubt you’re like you think

Dontcarewhatimdoing · 10/02/2019 18:27

Would you be as hard on anyone else as you are on yourself?

PocketsForMe · 10/02/2019 18:30

No advice sorry
I feel the same
Hope you’re ok Flowers

PositiveVibez · 10/02/2019 18:31

Well you can't be that horrible if you have a partner who thinks you are beautiful.

I'll bet you are very thoughtful and a good friend to people.

Easy to say, but be kinder to yourself.

This is coming from a very fat, 40 odd year old who is no oil painting, believe me.

I'm fact, I am waiting to be picked up to go to a gig and I look like an absolute fat cunt. But so what x. X

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/02/2019 18:32

Well, tell us all the compliments you’ve had, even if you don’t believe them.

Also...said gently: to focus on yourself so so much, and attack yourself so much, is a colossal waste of consciousness and atttention. Even if you can’t change how you think about yourself (and I think that you can ) you could focus your attentions on things outside yourself - some activities and tasks which are creative or fun or help others or are practical and useful or anything positive, really.

To train your searing attention away from attacking yourself on onto the world you live in, which you can engage in and enjoy.

Mrspiggy456 · 10/02/2019 18:32

Why do you think you're a horrible person? Do you have friends that you go out with? It sounds like you need a massive confidence boost. Try to think of any little positive thing about yourself and focus on that as much as you can. Everybody has something good about themselves.
BTW I'm a big lady, and suffered with depression so I know it's not easy.
Don't be so hard on yourself

Arnoldthecat · 10/02/2019 18:32

Its very very easy to be hyper critical of oneself. There is nothing new in heaven or earth and everyone probably feels the same at some time. Eventually if you are troubled by such anxieties, you learn to make peace with yourself.

Ironmanrocks · 10/02/2019 18:33

I feel like this too....getting older isn't helping. You are not alone. I used to be funny and kind and a nice person though. Then shit happened and I feel like I'm stuck. I also have horrible clothes.

How long have you been exercising/dieting? I started last year and thought I wasn't doing very well until I stopped and actually it had made a massive difference. Back to square one now though as I haven't done anything since the summer....got to keep trying.

I bet you're doing fine - and if you keep it up, eventually you will feel better. I did - so I am about to sort myself out again. Good luck.xxx

positivepixie · 10/02/2019 18:33

There's lots of positives in your post - you have a partner who tells you you're beautiful and you've taken positive steps for your health by exercising and watching what you eat. Being 'skinny' shouldn't be the thing that makes you happy.

Maybe get your hair done and find out which clothes suit your body shape.

But I'm reading into your post that the main issue is with anxiety. Have you seen your GP to access some help with this?

Original poster
ABeachInBarcelona · 10/02/2019 18:35

I don't really have many friends. I stopped going out loads when we had our baby and since then, my friends haven't really made much effort. They kind of stopped inviting me places as they just expected I wouldn't want to go anymore.

I don't have any "mum" friends. Don't get the chance to make any as I had to go back to work full time (there's another thing I'm pissed off at myself with).

Sorry. I don't even know why I posted. I just think I needed to let it all out as I don't really say any of this out loud!

OP posts:
Original poster
ABeachInBarcelona · 10/02/2019 18:36

@PositiveVibez have a lovey night x

OP posts:
Nodrama999 · 10/02/2019 18:38

You calling me ugly? You could have described me! Seriously, (in a lighter note) accept who you are, results don’t come overnight. Everyone has felt like this at some point. I joined a weight training class and dropped loads in three months. I’d look into a personal trainer, they know how to get it off and follow a strict diet suggested by them and after a while you will only have to maintain. Your diet will help your hair too.
Hope you feel better about yourself soon

GetOffTheTableMabel · 10/02/2019 18:39

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable to think you’re ‘fucking disgusting’. It sounds as though somebody loves you and offers you reassurance that you’re beautiful. They probably also do not think that you’re a ‘horrible person who can’t do anything right’.
Do you really feel all these things 100% of the time or is today an especially bad day? We really do all feel lumpy and useless from time to time but, if you really do feel as bad as this all the time, then it might be time for some counselling.
It’s not hard to get trapped in a spiral of despondency and negativity. Could you ever consider keeping a gratitude journal where you write down three things you’re grateful for at the end of each day? It doesn’t have to be things you like about yourself but it might lead that way.
Today I’m grateful that my headache has lifted, that my dear little cat is so chatty and that my husband made me a delicious roast lunch. Gradually, after a while you’ll find things you like about yourself too.

Nodrama999 · 10/02/2019 18:40

Also, I didn’t get any mum friends until my eldest started school. We NEVER see any of our old friends anymore. I think 4 times a year max, even less for the ones with kids believe it or not

GetOffTheTableMabel · 10/02/2019 18:42

You have a baby too?! See, you are loved and needed. To one person, you are the world.

Original poster
ABeachInBarcelona · 10/02/2019 18:43

Yeah my LO is amazing. He's 1.5 and he's the best thing in the world haha.

Thank you everyone x

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 10/02/2019 18:46

I work with the terminally ill. Seriously try to enjoy your life. Such a sad waste otherwise. Given me such a different perspective. I am 44 a stone overweight and lots of grey hair but still think I look flipping awesome!

SerenDippitty · 10/02/2019 18:51

OP be kinder to yourself. You wouldn’t speak to a friend the way you’re speaking to yourself, telling them they’re fucking digusting would you?

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 10/02/2019 19:04

You need to be your own friend, would you say the things you've said about yourself to someone else? No. Stop saying them to yourself. I'm pale and freckle too and I like it. In fact I'm quite disappointed that I'm not as pale and freckly as I used to be! It's nice. One of my children is also pale and frackled and I think they're beautiful.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 10/02/2019 19:08

You need to make an appointment with your GP and tell him/her all of this. The way you are living and feeling is not normal, OP, and there is help out there for you.

sussexman · 10/02/2019 19:08

Hey OP

Of course, you aren't how you described yourself. No-one is. If you consider that you have 5 trustworthy friends (and we know you have a DP) then ask them to complete the sentence "ABeachInBarcelona is wonderfully unique because ..." I bet you'll be amazed what they say.

my completion would be " she's prepared to risk ridicule from strangers on the internet to get her head straight"

MortyVicar · 10/02/2019 19:14

OP have you heard of body dysmorphic disorder? It's a recognised MH condition where the sufferer finds their body disgusting.

Even if you don't meet the full criteria, I'd still recommend this book The Broken Mirror to give you some insight and support.

Beechview · 10/02/2019 19:14

Nothing you’ve written would make me think ‘well that’s a disgusting person’
I know I can’t see you but I’ve never seen anyone and thought ‘how disgusting’ just from appearance.

You’d have to be mean, rude, selfish and inconsiderate to be even considered disgusting so unless you tell me you are those things, I’d find it hard to believe.
I believe your partner.

I do believe that if you’re unhappy with some things in life then yes, work at it. Find what makes you happy.

Stopwoofing · 10/02/2019 19:14

I get like this when I spend too long thinking. I do agree you should try and look outwards - however rubbish I feel my kids are always delighted to see me. Working ft - is this the source, are you exhausted? I did for years until recently and it has really run my health down - surprising hiany bad thoughts can be fed by exhaustion.

Cully · 10/02/2019 19:16

You need to see your doctor, you sound very low in mood and have lost some perspective of yourself.

Don’t compare yourself to fake Instagram people, you don’t have to be orange and skinny to be attractive. I would love to have pale skin and freckles... people tattoo or draw fake ones on! Please don’t be so hard on yourself x

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread