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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To homeschool my child

34 replies

ginpink · 10/02/2019 07:46

I never in a million years thought I would consider home schooling.

But.

My son has SN. He cannot talk and has a couple of other developmental delays (not potty trained and just very low maturity).

I think he'd love school. I'm not convinced he'd be able to access the curriculum but he is a gorgeous lovely boy and loves playing with other children in a class environment.

So here's my thoughts....

I know that pedophiles etc tend to work in any job they can that brings them close to children. I think my son would be a real target. They could do anything to him and he wouldn't be able to tell us. Even in a SN school, in fact I think that might be even more of a magnet for these horrible people as they would know how vulnerable these children are.

I am going insane trying to work out if I'm being selfish either way.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Hunter037 · 10/02/2019 07:50

Its not unreasonable to want to homeschool your child but I think your reason for doing so is a bit odd.

Homeschool because your child will learn better, enjoy themselves more or have better experiences. I dont think one should homeschool because there might be a paedophile in the school.

IceRebel · 10/02/2019 07:58

WOW Shock

By all means home educate if you believe it will provide your son with the best chance of learning, and a more accessible curriculum.

However your paranoia about schools and pedophiles is very worrying. Most people who work in schools, especially schools for additional needs are woefully paid, and do it because they want to make a difference. Schools have very strict safeguarding procedures, such as no phones in teaching areas, and lone working is very unusual.

Why not take a look around some schools, and ask about how they could support your son, you may find a school that's a great fit for him.

user1483387154 · 10/02/2019 08:02

Your reasons for homeschooling are worrying tbh. Have you always been so paranoid for his welfare in this way?

Hairyfairy01 · 10/02/2019 08:02

Nothing wrong with homeschooling but your reasons are bizarre. My Dh works in a special needs school and I would hate to think people are thinking such a thing about him. IMO abuse is less likely to happen in a special needs school as there are so many teachers / classroom assistants in one class due to the high needs of the children. Maybe have a look around schools you think may be suitable for your ds and get a feeling for them.

userwithnumbers · 10/02/2019 08:02

This is a joke, right?

If not, you have a seriously warped view of the world OP if you think our schools are full of paedophiles looking for their easiest target. Having worked in schools all my career, it actually really saddens me that anybody would have this thought.

Home educate your child if you feel that is the best way to meet your child's needs. Not because you're shielding him from society.

Hassled · 10/02/2019 08:07

There are safeguarding policies galore, there are whistleblowing policies, staff are trained, staff are very aware of the Serious Case Reviews of the incredibly rare occasions where there were abusers hiding in plain sight. Staff very seldom work alone and would all have an enhanced DBS check.

If your child would benefit from the social skills and experience of other children that would come from a school environment, not to mention the incredible skills of the SN teachers that I'm assuming you don't have, then you need to do the right thing for him, and not let your paranoia affect his life.

Original poster
ginpink · 10/02/2019 08:08

I don't think my post came across as I intended. I really don't think schools are packed full of pedophiles. I think most teachers are great and have full respect and gratitude for them.

But there is that tiny odd sicko who does go into education for the wrong reasons. I have heard of many cases that indicate so (though I am aware in the grand scheme of things it's very rare, luckily). But I just know that sadly it can and does happen

OP posts:
MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 10/02/2019 08:08

Statistically, your DS is more likely to be sexually abused by a member of his own family than a member of staff in school. You sound very anxious. I'm not anti-homeschooling, as long as it's done for the right reasons, but parental anxiety and over-protectiveness is not a good reason.

kmammamalto · 10/02/2019 08:08

What. The . Heck. I'm sorry I don't agree at all and think you sound nuts. I work with sn and have done for years, so thanks for letting me know people probably think I'm a pedo. Do you realise the checks people go through to work in special schools?!
Also you're not even giving your son a chance?! Surely you know the curriculum he will be following will be tailored to his needs and delivered in a way that he absolutely can access by people with masses of experience and passion for learning and helping those with SN.
You are being totally unreasonable to keep him away from experiences he could get so much out of. And you sound like you need help for the reasons you've given.

Original poster
ginpink · 10/02/2019 08:11

I'm grateful for the strong reaction. Shows I'm considering homeschooling for the wrong reasons. I agree he'd gain a lot from being in school and don't want to stop him for the wrong reasons.

OP posts:
Completelyfine · 10/02/2019 08:11

Sorry that is not a rational reason.

ZoeWashburne · 10/02/2019 08:13

Having a SN child is very stressful and difficult- I think it might be manifesting in your pedophile anxiety.

It isn't normal, and to make that the basis of the reason you want to home school, is very worrying. Please talk to someone about this.

Also, with homeschooling- what qualifications do you have? How are you going to ensure he is meeting his development milestones? Getting new experiences? Making friends? How are you going to support yourself? I think there are a lot of things that are necessary for homeschooling that people don't think through.

Nodrama999 · 10/02/2019 08:15

My children go to a ER school that combines children with and without SN. I think the blending of children like this is wonderful, it brings children together and normalises people with a vast range of learning difficulties.
I can say hand on heart that the children in my children’s classes who do have difficulties thrive (from discussions with parents) and I have met the SN teachers and I would never think they would be capable of such a thing, they are wonderful.
I would book appointments with the schools for a 1:1 tour with your child to get a feel for the school, I think it would reassure you massively

IceRebel · 10/02/2019 08:16

I have heard of many cases that indicate so

Op without wanting to offend lets turn this around, most abusers are family members / family friends.

One of your reasons for not sending him to school is
They could do anything to him and he wouldn't be able to tell us.

How would you feel if someone turned around and said you don't want to send your child to school because then you could do anything to him and he wouldn't be able to tell anyone else

IceBearRocks · 10/02/2019 08:17

What about the whole social aspect of school?
Improving communication, turn taking, play alongside peers!
I have a severely disabled boy who loves school! Join the PTA or board of governors for more insight into school;

Original poster
ginpink · 10/02/2019 08:20

Thanks you. I love my boy so dearly but I have never found anything so stressful as having a child with SN. It's changed my entire world. I think it has made me a bit crazy.

I actually work in education myself so am qualified to homeschool. I don't really want to, just because I'd rather go out to work and have him in a school environment. But if it was in his best interest to homeschool, I would find a way. Though from the reactions here, it sounds like I don't need to.

OP posts:
Jellycat1 · 10/02/2019 08:22

Given your reasons for considering it, yes I think you are being very irrational. At least give him a chance at school. I don't think you've mentioned his age. Is he due to start school soon?

Original poster
ginpink · 10/02/2019 08:23

@IceBearRocks I know I agree with you. But my biggest fear is that someone will hurt my son. His safety is just so much more important to me than the other stuff. It's sounds like this is completely unreasonable but the thought of it kills me.

Oh well, decision made, school it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
ginpink · 10/02/2019 08:23

@Jellycat1 he's due to start Reception in September.

OP posts:
IceRebel · 10/02/2019 08:25

If he starts this September then surely you've already looked around schools and applied, as the deadline was January 15th. Confused

Yogagirl123 · 10/02/2019 08:26

Ice bear rocks, has it exactly, school is so much more than about the education, the socialisation is so important. Being with other children will help your child develop communication skills. Just pick the right school.

SiblingDifference · 10/02/2019 08:27

I home educate- and I wouldn’t for that reason alone

Original poster
ginpink · 10/02/2019 08:28

@IceRebel yes I've sent off the application. We have a EHCP pending which, if granted, means we could change him over to a SN school.

You still have the right to withdraw and homeschool, if you wish.

OP posts:
Cyberworrier · 10/02/2019 09:04

Ginpink, I really think you need to address your anxiety about your child sooner rather than later. If he’s only starting reception in September he’s obviously very young and you have been able to provide all care for him within your family, so far- presumably. Will this be able to continue until he’s 18? What about after that? Surely at some point you will want him to go into the world?

To some extent, he may always be vulnerable according to your train of thought, because he doesn’t communicate verbally. But what a shame if he never gets to experience life outside his family home as you don’t trust (rigorously checked) adults to care for him. My relative with (multiple) SEN and physical disabilities has gone to swimming classes, helped at a garden centre, cared for horses. Rich and fulfilling experiences! His parents have been reluctant to let him out of their care at times but as they got older they simply needed the respite- and thank god they let him as he is so much happier having friends and doing activities as he did at school.

Please think about what is best for your son. You’ve said he’d love being with other children- let him go to school and have friends! Being wrapped up in cotton wool is not healthy for him or you. The longer it goes on, the harder it is- for you and your child- to stop.

formerbabe · 10/02/2019 09:11

I can understand you wanting to home school because you don't think his needs will be met...but in the kindest way of saying this, your 'reason' is ridiculous imo. The level of safe guarding in schools is incredibly high nowadays.

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