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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to feel lucky that DP cooks for me

33 replies

TheoriginalLEM · 09/02/2019 21:09

A colleague told me how lucky i am that my DP cooks every day.

Why is that lucky?? I work 10 hour days and am rarely home before 7. Physically and mentally demanding job.

He works hard too bit is home by 4.30 and often works from home. If we wait for me its going to be a late dinner.

I do most of the house work.

Yeah my DP is a good egg and i have actually got a bit lazy with the cooking but is it really still seen as the woman's role.to work AND cook? Fuck that shit

OP posts:

Original poster

TheoriginalLEM · 09/02/2019 21:11

Dont get me wrong. I feel incredibly lucky to have my DP but not because he does his fair share of stuff at home.

OP posts:

Floralhousecoat · 09/02/2019 21:14

Yanbu op. Women need to raise their standards in relationships. Men doing their fair share should be expected, not the exception.

KM99 · 09/02/2019 21:14

Totally agree, OP. I (and my DH) hate when people say I'm lucky that he does 50% of everything.

Why do people make such a fuss about someone doing the bare minimum they should be? It just fuels a way outdated view of gender roles.

Sparrowlegs248 · 09/02/2019 21:14

Well. It's one of those things that slips out easily I think. But you're right, it's nothing to do with luck. Presumably you chose to stay with a man who pulls his weight. I chose to stay with one who doesn't. (For years, not now though) and always thought others were lucky rather than me being an idiot.

QueenofmyPrinces · 09/02/2019 21:20

My husband cooks every night. I honestly haven’t cooked a meal for over 2 years. I feel very lucky

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2019 21:22

YANBU

Unless they meant your lucky that he's home/finished work early enough maybe?

Some couples have to get in around that time and then start cooking, so they can't eat until much later.

Skittlesandbeer · 09/02/2019 21:44

The only reasonable version of that comment is if someone says you’re lucky your man is such a GOOD cook. When seen as a household task, of course the person with more time/energy should do it. But cooking is a joy to some people, and a talent too. That part is luck of the draw!

lastqueenofscotland · 09/02/2019 21:49

YANBU but just a quick browse of AIBU usually shows so many women have the gutter as a standard for their other halves

DryIce · 09/02/2019 21:56

I don't know, presumably your colleague works similar hours to you - I would consider a colleague lucky to be going home to a hot meal prepared, by their husband or wife, as both my husband and I get in later so have to rush about for dinner.

As a general rule though, yes I think a lot of people have extremely low standards for men and housework.

Sunshine1235 · 09/02/2019 21:58

My husband cooks most nights and I’m a SAHM 👍😂 He’s just a better cook than me and enjoys doing it.

Babysharkdododont · 09/02/2019 21:58

Oh flipping heck, your colleague was probably just making small talk, it's the sort of thing people say...only the professionaly offended would take offence at a completely inane comment like that

ShrinkWrap · 09/02/2019 22:01

I think you are very lucky to have a partner that cooks everyday! My partner is usually back after 7 and I still expect him to do a fair share of the cooking

TooMinty · 09/02/2019 22:04

Yanbu - behaving like an equal partner is the bare minimum to expect from your OH.

peachgreen · 09/02/2019 22:05

I dunno, my husband cooks every night because I flipping HATE cooking and I feel very lucky!

FascinatingCarrot · 09/02/2019 22:07

Im lucky he does his own cooking and I do mine.
His cooking is rank. Think 'smashed potatoes'

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 09/02/2019 22:09

I know what you mean I do the cooking in our house (I don't mind as I work less and enjoy it). No one has ever remarked that DH is so lucky to have a partner who cooks. I have had lots of comments though that I'm so lucky to have a husband who helps with the kids. He can even look after them for an entire day and keep them alive - sometimes even leave the house - amazing! To be fair at least DH corrects people (quite often his mum) that of course can look after his own kids that makes him competent not superdad.

PennilessPaladin · 09/02/2019 22:11

My husband cooks every night. I honestly haven’t cooked a meal for over 2 years. I feel very lucky grin

Me too. I hate cooking and am bad at it due to concentration issues. I feel so lucky that he likes it and is good at it

And I also feel lucky because before I lived with him I would have been working all day, then getting home and cooking dinner for me and kids. Maybe colleague was just wishing they had someone to cook for them?

BeanTownNancy · 09/02/2019 22:11

I think there must be an element of luck to actually finding a man who pulls his weight in the house and is not completely hopeless in the kitchen (if the number of posters on mumsnet who seem to have settled down with overgrown toddlers are to be believed). You're lucky to have him in the same way some pregnant women are lucky not to develop morning sickness.

Maybe your colleague is one of the unlucky ones.

ShelleyMae · 09/02/2019 22:17

YANBU

zzzzz · 09/02/2019 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sobeyondthehills · 09/02/2019 22:29

My DP is lucky that I cook for him most nights.

I am lucky that if I cant be arsed he cooks no matter the shift he has just worked.

I am also lucky that he will eat bloody anything and no matter how burnt it is he will eat it

ADropofReality · 09/02/2019 22:31

YABU if you don't think you're lucky. Of course you're lucky. Many relationships do not work around one partner doing all the cooking.

Imagine this another way round:

" A colleague told me how lucky I am that my wife cooks every day.

Why is that lucky?? I work 10 hour days and am rarely home before 7. Physically and mentally demanding job.

She works hard too but is home by 4.30 and often works from home. If we wait for me its going to be a late dinner.

I do most of the house work.

Yeah my wife is a good egg and I have actually got a bit lazy with the cooking but is a man meant to do the cooking? Fuck that shit "

We'd say that was VU.

babysharkah · 09/02/2019 22:31

You are not wrong. I've just had a massive rant at dh because I'm sick to death of planning and cooking everyone's meals. He should fucking do half. I've put the shop through as all ready meals next week. He'll probably love it, I won't so will be back to cooking for me.

We both work ft.

Aridane · 09/02/2019 22:35

Oh flipping heck, your colleague was probably just making small talk, it's the sort of thing people say...only the professionaly offended would take offence at a completely inane comment like that

I agree

Nothinglefttochoose · 10/02/2019 04:44

No you’re not lucky, you just expect that your partner does the same amount of household duties (as he should) as you! Good on you for having a good standard. Some of my friends drive me mad with the way their husbands are so pathetic. But they accept it so why would their husbands change?!

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