To have called the police?

[imadethedecision]

Over a year now of listening to my neighbour verbally abuse his wife every single weekend without fail when he’s drunk.
He’s almost retirement age and the stuff he screams at his wife is vile.
I’ve asked for advice on here before and it’s been a 50:50 divide of some people saying that reporting it would make it worse for her and others saying I should report it.
I’m almost certain it is just verbal abuse, not physical from the things he’s screaming, and during his 3 hour rants she stays totally silent.
She’s pretty timid and won’t even look you in the eye out on the street.
Anyway tonight I made the decision to report it.
He’s been screaming at her solidly since around 2pm and his language is vile.
I hope it doesn’t make things worse for her.
Also selfishly worried he’ll know it’s me and I’ve got young kids in the house.

Call them every single time.
Record what you can here, and make a record of the dates fircas far back as you can remember.
Consider asking the police to come to your house and listen.
Poor poor lady. If she can’t defend herself then you must do it.

Wow! Nobody’s ever called!?!?! This whole British thing of minding your own business must have surely kept a lot of women trapped in dangerous marriages!!! I think if he kicks off again tonight keep calling and record him! Can you imagine if that was your “normal” weekend? Poor woman!

do you know the woman to talk to?
It's such a complicated situation.

I called the police when my then H was being abusive, just 'to log it'. Turns out there is no such thing (I'm in Essex and due to a bad rating in DV services they were really upping their game).

First they phoned a few hours later. I couldn't answer (ex was right there), then they came round.

Ex was out the back and had no idea they were there. I was TERRIFIED they would insist on talking to him. I know that speaks volumes in itself, but in that moment I just wanted (NEEDED) them gone. I convinced them I was safe. If I had had a friend with me I would have found the courage to let them in and speak to my now ex.

Maybe if you made a friend of this woman she would feel able to call on you when it happens again and she can get the ball rolling in getting the abusive arse out of her life.

In hindsight I wish I'd let them in. I would have got an incident number then which would have made subsequent situations in the divorce more straight forward.

OP, report, report, report.

If you're ringing five times a weekend, it doesn't matter.

A young woman in my area was murdered by her partner this week, a naice young girl from a very naice area.

She may one day get the courage to leave him if she realises people are on her side.

The poor woman sounds terribly abused and I'm sure is very conditioned to tolerate the abuse.

You're brave for reporting and I hope it makes a difference to her life.

I see her walking her dog but her head is bowed and she won’t even make eye contact.
She almost runs past me as if she’s worried I’ll try to talk to her.
I feel bad that this must be a usual weekend for her. There’s not a peep from the house Monday to Friday. Then every weekend all hell breaks loose.

More people should do this. I wish neighbours had done it for me.
Once, I heard my next door neighbour suddenly explode at his wife and throw something which smashed in their kitchen. Their kids were in the garden and went instantly silent. I knew that paralysis reaction so it wasn't an accidental breakage and guess it must have happened before, though it was the first time I had heard it. I told my now exH and he said "Good man".

Well done OP, and yes please keep reporting it every time.
I can’t imagine living with a barrage of abuse every single weekend, what a life :(

@pinkypie22 please read this whole thread. Please don’t let this be you in 10 years time xxxx

15 years ago I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic. I didn't have the strength to leave, but I wish someone had called the police. We lived in a converted flat, with upstairs neighbours and an adjoining house next door. They must have all heard, day after day, but no one called it in, no one asked me if I was okay when they saw me. I'm not saying that I expected others to do something to help when I wasn't helping myself, just that I wished they had. Having someone acknowledge that something wasn't right would have been a huge help to me, but as no one did I just kept on believing that I deserved it, or it wasn't so bad after all - despite the fact that I was being hit, raped, and having hot drinks thrown at me.

I would urge anyone who hears anything like this to please call for help or reach out to the victim.

The scared young woman I was thanks you OP for reporting this, please continue to do so.

I can’t believe in 14 years not a single person has thought to report it, when we’ve considered it weekly for a year. They may have "considered" it weekly for 5 years but no one called til now.

I just hope she gets the help she needs. Call as soon as it starts so the police have a chance of hearing it.

Can you record him doing it? His behaviour is intimidating to toy and your family, especially if you say you won't let the kids in the garden. Surely that's some kind of crime.

Well done OP for calling the police. It's unfair for you and your family to put up with that, it's obviously been an ongoig problem that no one has done anything about. It may or may not give him a fright, how are things today? Has he started again? My mum and dad always argued and shouted when we were young, no one did anything about it.

Consider speaking to the other neighbours? Admit you reported him. They may follow suit.
I have reported ndn more than once. They know its me. Still polite to us!!

No, I wouldn't report it.
My next door neighbour often shouts at his wife in a rage. It's loud enough to be heard all over my house and is accompanied with bangings and crashings. It sounds like he's smashing the place up!
I just get on with what I'm doing and ignore it.

I can't believe that people wouldn't report it. He sounds like a cunt and a bully

Ring them. Every single damn time. She might not have much fight left in her, that's why she's still there. But ring them.

Also report the noise to your local council noise enforcement team - usually part of environmental health. I used to work for them and it was a very common occurrence for officers to go round at a particular time and day to witness the disturbance where there was a pattern like this. We used to get the calls passed through from the police control room but some councils can get calls directly. It doesn't matter what type of house you or they live in as everyone has to obey the law. You are being denied use of your garden by his antics and he can be fined or receive an ASBO; our council has even managed to win a court case keeping an owner-occupier from a property for breaking previous court orders.

So, keep phoning the police at the beginning of his rants and also see if the noise enforcement team will come round as well. If they can't get him on DV, he can be got on noise.

I have been the woman with the police knocking on her door in similar circumstances.

I denied everything when the police were standing on my doorstep. But finding myself face to face with a police officer who looked genuinely concerned for my safety was the trigger for my whole life to change. I hadn't experienced that before. It was a huge shock and incredibly confusing.

The change wasn't overnight, it was a slow process that took a lot of support from other agencies (like Freedom Programme) but eventually that visit from the police led to me being free and safe.

All I'm saying is, don't despair just because she hasn't upped and left. There is a huge amount of brainwashing/conditioning inherent to abuse and it is not a quick process to break through it. You can't know the difference it might make to her in the long run that somebody has intervened.

She might have been drinking to cope with it all.

You did the right thing OP and please continue to do so

There was a man in our street who was notorious for this but towards his dcs, not his wife. He directly threatened my 10 year old ds so I called the police. They completely agreed he was out of order about my ds and spoke to him but wouldn't get involved in how he spoke to his dcs. I mainly called the police as a pretext for discussing how he treated his dcs. I was gutted they didn't bother

Call everytime every weekend as soon as it starts 2pm etc. Don't leave it so late. If she is drinking too they must both be alcoholics if the police said they were both blind drunk but that doesn't excuse his behaviour. How fucking dare he ruin everyone else's lives around him. I can't believe so many people have put up with it. Just record him and phone the police every single time. He'll soon either sort his fucking life out or something will happen to stop him doing it I.e get arrested.

So not a peep from him yesterday. Usually he’d be ranting with his fog horn voice from 2pm onwards.
In fact the car was gone all day too. Which is unusual as he’d normally be too drunk to drive.
Perhaps he planned a day out instead of a day sat in drinking.
But yes very unusual not to hear a peep on a Sunday. Not complaining though.
It’s really hard as we are looking to sell and any neighbour disputes or problems have to be announced to solicitors when selling.
So while I’m happy to call the police anonymously I’m not so sure about keeping a log for environmental health noise complaints.

No don't keep a lot just keep reporting anonymously to the police every single time. What a knob he is.

Maybe you spooked him by reporting him so he fucked off elsewhere for the day

He will probably think he is safe again next weekend and continue his ways, make sure you report as soon as it starts as others have suggested

Yes. We shall see what next weekend brings.
Funny how he manages not to drink all week, or perhaps just has a couple and doesn’t cause a scene and then on the weekend he acts like a complete pillock.

It’s so bizarre as she does not say a single word in response.

It's not bizarre. It's a normal reaction to being utterly terrified. I was the same. I instinctively knew that any response would be the excuse he was looking for to cross over from verbal to physical. So I did the same as this woman and kept silent.