People who provide a running commentary for everything they do.

[SoSaidTheHorse]

AIBU to want to bop them on the head with the nearest suitably pointy/heavy object? And do you know anyone who does the same?

I have a family member staying and he does this. He always has. He was just eating a takeaway and commenting on it as he goes 'Hmmm. Could be a little spicier. That's a good size piece of chicken there. Where is my napkin? Oh, yes, it's here. I think that I'll have the fried rice next time. I'm not sure that the sauce works with the noodles... He isn't on fucking Masterchef! There's no need for it.

He does this with everything though. If he cleans he has a running commentary on what he's doing and how seemingly difficult it is for him, as though someone supposed to say 'I'll do that'.

I play tennis with someone like this. 'Bend your arm Glenda', 'take a step back', 'ooh, the wind is blowing in your direction'. I have been known to mutter STFU under my breath. Ignoring doesn't work.

I envy your willpower. freerangeChocolateEgg. I'm not sure that I could resist giving her a good thrashing with her own racket.

God I remember people in the library doing this muttering under their breath "hmmmm that really is a difficult one, hmmm will have to think about it, aha I think I have an idea" NO ONE CARES SHUT UP!

I do this. Drives DH insane. In fact, he was just watching A Quiet Place with DD and he commented that I would have lasted less than ten seconds there.

I work with someone like this! And it is the most annoying thing in the world. Every time she does something I get a before during and after snapshot of how it's playing out. "I'm opening the post" "Mr Smith wrote a stupid letter" "I'll shred this one now" "the phone is ringing I'll answer it" it makes me want to beat one of us in the head with said phone.

And now I told him about this thread and my post and then said I’d need to post about that as well.

I have a colleague that does a similar thing , not so much while they are doing it but after even if i was in the room with them while they were doing it .
Me - what other work needs doing ( meaning other parts of the building ) ?
them - Well I unloaded the dish washer , put the cups . away put the plates away . them put the dirty cups in then the dirty plates in then wiped the work tops ( at this point I want to yell OK OK I GET IT , I was there FFS) wiped the tables , cleaned the fridge , mopped the floor

but they go on to list the tiny details .

it drives me nuts .

My MIL did this. Past tense because I no longer have anything’s to do with her, for other reasons but no longer having to listen to her is a bonus.

She would even ring and tell me what was happening out of her window ffs.

I do this. blush Drives DH insane. In fact, he was just watching A Quiet Place with DD and he commented that I would have lasted less than ten seconds there**

this made me lol

However my colleague who has to prove how hard she works by telling our manager everything she's going to do, commenting as she does it, then talking about what she's just done does my fucking fruit in. Not even complex tasks just fairly mundane admin.

Smacks of martyrdom sometimes too which is another thing guaranteed to grind my gears!

Another one with a colleague that does this, “I’ve got document A from the file, I’ll photocopy it now....I’ve photocopied document A so I’ll send it out with a letter to Mrs Jones now....”

I tried ignoring her but she just kept repeating “I’ve got document A now...” like she wanted me to know how fantastic she is for navigating a fucking filing cabinet!!!

I asked if I could move desks and it turns out several other people have point blank refused to sit near her

DS3 does this, from the moment his eyes open until the moment they close. It's so tiring some days.

My 9 year old does this. I really need to find a way to stop her before she reaches adulthood!!

My dh is like this. Drives me nuts.

My friend does this on fb. Luckily I can just hide her

I do this ALL THE TIME and I annoy myself.
DH: What are you up to today?
ME: well, I’ll sort the beds and then put a wash in, wipe the kitchen down, meet you for breakfast, go to gym. Need to get car cleaned and then I need to be home for online shop to be delivered...
DH: interrupts - so will you be home at lunch to have a butty with me?
Me: yes
DH: great, see you in 3 hours

I have someone at work who does this. She knows i only respond to her now if she says my name first. I find, with her, it's a way to get people to do something.
'Oh the photocopier is out of paper'
'hmm I wonder where the paper is'
'is it in the cupboard still?'
All the while glancing over at me/others. If she asks directly, she gets pointed toward the cupboard. Where the paper has lived for years! and no, i don't put it in the copier for her either!

The woman I sit next to at work does this. It drives me crazier a little not every day.

"Hmmm I think I want a cup of tea. Do I want a cup of tea? Yes, I think I do! Anyone else? Anyone else? I'll get the mugs. I'm freezing. I'll turn the heating on when I go to the kitchen. Do I need anything else from the kitchen? Oohhh what have I got for lunch? Ooohhh shall I have a snack? I'm so busy I won't even have time to drink my tea. How funny is that?"

This would literally be the constant monologue all day.

"Oohhh I think I'll have a wee. Hope no one is in the loo. And when I get back I'll open the post. Yes, that's what I'll do".

OH JUST FUCK OFF!!!! SHUT UP!!!

DH does this but not so much commentary but incessant question asking.

Where's my glass?
Did I leave a plate in here?
Where do we keep the woodscrews?
Shall I have a cup a soup?

I DON'T FUCKING CARE

My DH does this too - drives me nuts - stop narrating your life!!

Father in lawn and stepson do this ALL THE TIME!!! Drives me bonkers but they don't even realise they do it! Literally commentate through everything, what they're eating, what's happening in a tv programme and even when just driving along... oh look at that tree, that grass is cut well.... which is unbearable when we were on holiday and driving along the same section of road each day... we had the same commentary every day argh

I used to work with someone like this. It’s like they wanted my validation on everything they did. It made me feel like I was doing my own job & hers!!!
I just stopped responding. I got so fucking sick of it... I swear I knew her job inside out because she wittered on about it all the time..,. just get on with it without telling me!!!!

Can I add in people who sit at work reading their emails aloud. Or loudly laughing or sighing and then look around for someone to ask what that was about.

@fibonaccisequins yes! That is what mine does too!

Her: this document needs to be scanned
Me: The scanner is over there...
Her: I don’t know how to use it
Me: press the button that says scan
Her: oh, I don’t know, it looks complicated
Me: .......
Her: can you scan it for me?
Me: no, go over there, put the document on the glass and press the button that says scan

She goes over to the scanner and starts fannying around until someone nearby does it for her.

Yep my mum does this and will also as an added bonus send me lengthy texts to say what is going on outside her house or if the house next door has had any viewings and what car they arrived in, what ages they were, what colour they were (don't get me started on that one) how many of them they were and how long the viewing took. It's utterly bonkers.
Also dh has this annoying habit of reading out loud what he's reading, I can't keep it in for long before I shout JUST READ IT TO YOURSELF!

I have a dog walking acquaintance who does this. In sheer politeness, but with heavy heart, I have to ask them about their day/week then it's a blow by blow account of utter tedium:
Why they went into town
Who with and why they wanted to go
Long backstory to this necessity
The train
Waling round town
The train back
What X is having for dinner tonight
What I am having
What I'll do later
What time I'll do it.