People who provide a running commentary for everything they do.

[SoSaidTheHorse]

AIBU to want to bop them on the head with the nearest suitably pointy/heavy object? And do you know anyone who does the same?

I have a family member staying and he does this. He always has. He was just eating a takeaway and commenting on it as he goes 'Hmmm. Could be a little spicier. That's a good size piece of chicken there. Where is my napkin? Oh, yes, it's here. I think that I'll have the fried rice next time. I'm not sure that the sauce works with the noodles... He isn't on fucking Masterchef! There's no need for it.

He does this with everything though. If he cleans he has a running commentary on what he's doing and how seemingly difficult it is for him, as though someone supposed to say 'I'll do that'.

DD8 does this. I recently asked her to shush so I could put sunscreen on her face. She kept talking. I warned her the sunscreen was going to end up in her mouth if she didn’t close it. She looked at me sadly and asked ‘does it taste VERY bad, mummy, cos I think we both know it will happen’. She basically can’t stop herself and her running commentary.

My mum is the worst at this though, especially if you invite her somewhere. It triggers a FUTURE running commentary. It’ll be:

Me- Would you like to come for tea at 4pm on Thursday?
Her- Well lucky you didn’t say Friday because I’ve got to do A,B & C. Thursday I have to send that letter and wash the bed linen and at night there’s that show I want to watch and you know I don’t sleep well if I’m up late and there’s those tomatoes that need to be eaten by then and...and...and
Me- Tea? Thursday? 4pm? Actually let’s make it wine. I’ll need it.

And I once had a boyfriend who used to read out street signs and shop signs as we were driving along. A short-lived affair.

Oh good Lord!!

Are you all my work colleagues?

I do apologise! I have no control over my gob... my daughter is the same... and my dad... and my nan. Think yourselves lucky you don't have Sunday dinner at my mum's!

I had to get rid of a member of staff like this as it was so infuriating! Even when I asked her to be quiet so I could concentrate she made a weird noise like she was itching to speak but trying to stop herself....argh!

If it’s any consolation I don’t expect anyone really to respond

I do this!!!

But in my defence, I'm on ML with 5 month old DS and giving him constant chat keeps him entertained, even if it is just me telling him about what laundry I'm hanging out.

I am worried it's going to spill over into real life though, hopefully not!

Maybe they're lonely and want someone to talk back to them

I know a couple of people like this and it's ok until they become a "Repeater". I can tune out basic wittering but if you start telling me the same story again for the third time because you've run out of original material but... Just. Can't. Stop. Talking... Ama gonna have to punch you in the throat. Mother I'm looking at you.

I do this if I’m feeling a bit stressed or anxious. Stems from icy silences at home where often my parents wouldn’t talk for days on end so if just fill the silence “I like this water glass best, i like the way it feels, I might stop using it so it doesn’t wear out so quickly, maybe I’ll cycle the glass in the cupboard for even wear or maybe that’s a bit odd”. I keep going until I feel reassured, usually when DH says “you alright?”

But why do people do this? I'm a relatively quiet person. I will only speak about myself, what I have done or what I think if I truly think that the people around me will be interested (so a lot of the time I am silent). I'd hate to be that person who is deathly boring, wittering on about mundane rubbish, but surrounded by people who think it and are too polite to say anything. Don't the witterers have the same apprehensions? Or are they too arrogant to consider that what they are saying is incredibly dull?

YANBU. And I'd add people who make pronouncements for no other reason than just to say something. I have an acquaintance who - without fail - announces what the weather is like when she arrives.

"Oooh, it's a bit nippy!" "Oooh, that's quite a wind!" "Oooh, it isn't half raining!" "Oooh, it's too damn hot!"

Doesn't matter what you're doing or where you are, she'll bellow loud enough to make sure she's heard.

Thanks. Because without you I'd just have no idea why there's water falling from the sky or why the air seems to be moving around like that.

I also have a future (and present and past) commentator mother @Skittlesandbeer and it's awful!

We can never get to the bottom of any question, or finish any conversation, as she just incessantly says everything she's got coming up, as well as what's just been and is currently doing. It's exhausting. The worst bit is hearing stuff like the long pointless backstory about some random neighbour's best friend's sister's dog or whatever - which never has relevance at all to whatever I'd asked. Argh!

There are always people like this. Perhaps they are very un-self-confident?
But it is possible to "Tune them Out". It is even possible to fail to respond to direct questions (or no longer hear such questions).
The solution lies within ourselves. Frankly, if we are upset by "wittering", then we must train ourselves to ignore it.
It is possible with self-discipline. Otherwise it is our own fault.

My husband does this. It drives me crazy as I like peace and quiet.
I'm constantly asking him to stop narrating his life.

My DH, like several PPs also does this. It drives me insane. But it also makes me feel really guilty, because I think if I showed more interest, he'd do it less.

But it pisses me off so much, it has the consequence of making me more silent, so he probably does it more.

My DH is lovely. He's a really, really lovely man. But - fuck me - I hate the constant noise about nothing. I literally YEARN for him to go to bed so I can have some quiet time. Without noise about NOTHING

YANBU
MiL does this in abundance but then also goes into directors commentary mode and will talk about what you are doing to whoever else is in the room as if you can't hear her. Whenever MiL stays, by the end of the visit I'm convinced my name is "she".

My mother does this. She came with me and my kids to the cinema once - never again - I had to tell her to stfu as she was commentating on the film to ds. "Oh look, that's the Disney castle. Oh he's funny, he's a cow boy, that might be his girlfriend, oh nice dog, ahh poor thing he's sad, I had one of those once, look his funny face, that's not very nice is it..." I started off shushing her and literally had to say "can you stop bloody talking it's a cinema, people have paid to watch this."

I know a few people like this. It's like they have no internal monologue. Everything is out there. Like a pp I've found this makes it very difficult to find out even quite mundane information because they can't communicate in a linear logical way - it all just comes pishing out at random.

I also work with a woman who mutters. All day long. I ignore her, and yet she still mutters. I've worked with her for three years and that entire time she's muttered, despite me only responding maybe twice. I think we understand each other but it is a little strange.

I play tennis with someone like this
I used to (note past tense) play golf with someone who narrated her game. I just hit the ball, but her muttering about whether she had her weight on her right foot or the left made me wonder where my weight was, and that messed up my game.

My DH likes to read the menu out loud to me when we go out for dinner, in addition to all the other mutterings and mumblings that abound around him.
I can read very well and actually hate being read to.
I agree with PP, most of us have silent conversations with ourselves in our own heads but these folk just do it out loud.
They're often not speaking to us at all, just themselves.

DM: Shall I come over tomorrow
Me: Of course. When?
DM: Well, you know Derek who used to work with your dad? His daughter Jennifer... of course you know her! Yes you do! You played together all the time in the holidays ... - divorced now, terrible, she died - insert gruesome detail and distasteful speculation.
Etc etc.

Maybe it will come to us all. Perhaps it’s a fiendishly clever plan to stop your grown up children boring you shitless about the real world.

Yup this is me. Guilty!

Late mil used to do this. I called it 'whittering and twittering' and it reminded me of a combination of little bells ringing and a bird tweeting on. Constant irritating noise. I'm autistic and couldn't tune it out.

Xmas dinner in particular used to be fun because every single element of it had to be commented on and examined. How it was cooked, when it was cooked, what it tasted like, what the xmas dinner in 1973 was like etc. Absolutely every little aspect. It's a wonder the dinner ever got eaten due to the constant whittering on.

@cleverwittyusername my sympathies are with you, m’dear.

My dm’s dog died last week. She was (strangely) never very fond of it. For a whole decade I had to listen to (like, 40 minute a day) diatribes about the trials THAT BEAST put her through (sounded like basic care to me). The dog’s routine trumped everything else, when searching for conversation topics. As in ‘and then I had to feed it again, didn’t I. Like the day before. I’ll have to get it’s dinner tomorrow as well I spose.’ Tut tut tut. And take it to the groomer while her only grandchild was being born. And take it to the beach for a run when I was looking for childcare so I could go to hospital.

If no one was around I’m sure the running commentary was directed at the dog. I feel quite glad poor dog has gone to a better place. And a bit fearful of where the added nattering will land.

I didn’t notice I’d turned into a grumpy old man (in my 30s) until realising that I don’t tolerate this anymore, especially at work. If someone starts to faff or ramble on unnecessarily I will cut them off and tell them I don’t need to hear their life story, I just need an answer to the question that I asked.

Really irritates me when someone gives me a running commentary of what they are doing, plan to do or what they are thinking. I don’t care!

Some people witter when they are nervous and I have been guilty of that in the past. The office I used to work in was a viper pit, with cliques and often an awful atmosphere which would make me incredibly anxious and I would talk to myself and just chatter to fill the frosty air! I wasn’t the cause of the atmosphere, it would be because the seniors were whispering and gossiping amongst them selves, one of the staff who has a tendency to be extremely ignorant and selfish would be ignoring one of us over some perceived slight. Another one would be running to the boss every five minutes to report someone and encouraging new staff to do the same. A truly nasty environment