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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To worry about DC going on holiday with GP

52 replies

CoffeeDeprivation · 09/02/2019 17:43

Just that, really. We get along well, they love the kids (6&4) but they have never looked after them on their own. Occasionally, they have done babysitting (once or twice a year) in my house. They have taken them to the park a handful of times on their own. They suggested this year that they could take them on a holiday in summer (a week) down to the beach. On the one hand, it sounds great, we rarely have time as a couple and never had a full day together without kids, so it would do us good. The kids love their GP and would love to go. But part of me is worried that GP have underestimated how tiring it is (they are healthy but have the occasional blip due to old age), that they won't be able to keep an eye on both and the youngest might run off into danger (you have to keep all eyes on this one), that after two days they will have more than enough and will resent offering or would just not have the energy to look after them, etc.

The kids have never slept anywhere else either, I don't think they will miss us but have very different bedtime conditions (ceiling light / dark room, music/silence, reading/straight into bed) and I am not sure how they will deal sleeping together in the same room.

I don't know, I'm worried that they will injure themselves or put themselves in danger, either because GP don't reach them on time or because tiredness takes its toll.
I also know that this might be a tricky issue for me because this fear happened in my family, when my GM could not reach my cousin when he run into the road. They had gone out for the day and neither were familiar with the surroundings. I was a toddler myself when it happened (so I didn't experience the trauma directly) but the story has followed me since. No one took anyone on holidays on my family. Days out when older and rarely.

So am I afraid because of my childhood story or is it reasonable to think these are not optimal conditions to take kids on a holiday?

OP posts:

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 09/02/2019 17:45

Unless they have had experience of sleepovers with dgp it would be a def no from me.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 09/02/2019 17:55

If it were my DC’s grandparents (both my parents and DH’s) the big problem would have been sunscreen as all of them were either slack or outright deniers.

Little kids are relentless and you have to be “on” all the time. Are the grandparents able to do that?

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 09/02/2019 18:23

It's quite a jump from virtually nothing to a week away. Maybe a long weekend or a sleepover at GPs' to see how it goes?

On the same room concerns, what have you done when on holiday as a family?

loveyouradvice · 09/02/2019 18:27

Yup, lovely idea but do suggest they have them for a long weekend at home over half term first! They willl learn a lot and then you can explore if really is feasible

Sirzy · 09/02/2019 18:27

I would want some sleepovers before agreeing to a holiday

Jackshouse · 09/02/2019 18:30

I would say to them that it’s a lovely idea for when the kids are little older and tell them about some of ypu concerns and suggest the kids start having a few sleepovers at GP’s house to build up towards a holiday.

Oblomov19 · 09/02/2019 18:32

Why are you even worrying about this? Can't you talk to them? Honestly and say your worried they underestimate how tiring dc are?

Plus have a one night sleepover now.

You are making a mountain out of a molehill, when it so doesn't need to be.

GoFiguire · 09/02/2019 18:32

Don’t let them do it.

Cwtches123 · 09/02/2019 18:33

YANBU. They need to have experience of having them overnight before trying a week!!!

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/02/2019 18:35

I'd suggest a weekend over Easter at their house as a test for a few days in the summer. As it stands it just too much too soon.

Jamiefraserskilt · 09/02/2019 18:37

Used to send biggest with grandparents for the week. They only had both for a weekend away.
One at a time was fairer on them.

PerfectlyPetty · 09/02/2019 18:38

If your kids have never slept out then it’s probably not a good idea for the first time to be a week away.

I’d suggest a couple of single nights then weekends first.

Original poster

CoffeeDeprivation · 09/02/2019 19:03

Thank you. We have been thinking about building up to it. At the moment it looks like it would be 2 overnight stays in different weekends (so one night per weekend) but with only one child. Then try both one weekend before the holiday. This is early summer, so in just a few months.

However, I think these sleepovers would have to be something like looking after both for a full day/weekend, as that's the only thing that would give them an idea. At the moment they have only dealt with fun days to the park (and about a handful only) or babysitting at home during the day or the evening. No baths, bedtime routines or actual day to day stuff. I feel they really underestimate the work and how messy/noisy can everything be. Neither of them is very hands-on, so I think that they will get tired very quickly once they have to follow after the kids wiping faces, clearing floors and cleaning tables. In my opinion, they have a romanticised idea of taking kids on holidays, like one of those commercials with kids running in the park with their parents/grandparents looking lovingly without having to do much. I don't think they appreciate the work, I really don't. My MIL had childcare at home when she had her kids and she's always baffled that I'm so tired or that we can't go out.

For the PP who asked about what we have done about sleeping arrangements whilst on holiday, well, we don't. We have not been able to afford one since the youngest was newborn, but then we had a cot in our room so we managed that way. I don't think we would be able to go on holiday for a couple of years, so we have never thought we needed to get them to sleep together or work towards that, as they both have their own room and this came all of a sudden as a Christmas present for the kids.

OP posts:

Original poster

CoffeeDeprivation · 09/02/2019 19:08

Sorry I posted too soon. Those arrangements come from the conversation with MIL today. She keeps saying how we will have time for ourselves once she takes one of the children (not sure how, we still have the other one) and I feel like it would be a great imposition to suggest to take them both for longer. I have the feeling that she sees this as a massive favour for us (as well as lovely time for them) and that it would be seen as CFuckery to ask them to take both kids before the holiday, other than maybe just the one sleepover before the time.

I just think it's a bit bonkers to go from zero to a week, and that they really don't understand what they are getting themselves into. My kids are lovely and all that, but they are exhausting, like any other active 6&4yo. Plus is the constant feeding, cleaning, wiping, answering questions, dealing with upsets, etc

OP posts:

SingaporeSlinky · 09/02/2019 19:27

Is the holiday already booked, or could you put it off until next year to give yourselves a bit more time to work up to it?
If it’s booked, I’d ask her if you could sit down and have a chat about it, and ask if she thinks they’ll be ok with the 24/7 aspect of it. I think sometimes GPs can be sensitive on this, as they would respond “I have raised my own children, I’m perfectly capable!” but forget that they’re a lot older now. And as you say, they aren’t familiar with your Dcs routine.
My in-laws offered to take our DC on holiday with them but I actually politely declined. To me, a family holiday is really important, and my favourite part of the year, so I don’t want to miss out on that. I want to build family memories, so I’d rather keep saving and all go together.
Would it be possible for you to go with them all?

CherryPavlova · 09/02/2019 19:32

How old exactly are they? I’d think most grandparents would be perfectly capable and many do take little ones on holiday very successfully. Let them do a couple of weekends first but try to remember most grandparents were perfectly competent parents.

hidinginthenightgarden · 09/02/2019 19:39

My MIL has the kids pretty regularly but I still wouldn't let them have a week away. Kids are much harder for long periods of time and MIL cannot cope for more than 24 hours with the 2 of them.
I would say start with sleepovers and suggest a long weekend instead of a week this summer. If it goes well and the level of contact is maintained (maybe a sleepover every 6-8 weeks then I would consider longer the summer after.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 09/02/2019 19:44

Could they take the children away for a few days? Maybe you could join them for the second half of the week?

I would not have left my children with my parents, still wouldn't, thinking about it. My parents are lovely but feckless. My husband's parents have had DS1 for three days and have never offered again! We have three children. Yes, they were all competent parents but some for some combinations.. it just doesn't seem possible. I do know lots of people who do send their children to grandparents for weeks at a time.

Notcontent · 09/02/2019 19:48

I wouldn’t be comfortable with that either. I mean, I am sure they would survive, but it might be a difficult time for all involved...

borntobequiet · 09/02/2019 19:52

I’m a grandmother who frequently looks after grandchildren for one or two days (and is competent and enjoys it) and I think they’re crazy. Why don’t you all go away together and have GPs look after children for a day/evening/whatever while you have some time off.
However, it’s amazing how even the fussiest of children will behave well when told bedtime, in you get, no messing about please, go to sleep now.

JennyOnAPlate · 09/02/2019 19:57

I would say no op, a week is too long. My parents find a weekend of my dc very tiring and they are 9 and 11 and pretty self sufficient! Dps are late 60s and in good health etc.

nombrecambio · 09/02/2019 19:59

I agree that a long weekend is probably enough.

However... I do think your family history is clouding your opinion on this.

I assume they raised their own children so I doubt they underestimate it.

Do you mean literally your children have not slept anywhere other than at home with those exact conditions?

I totally understand the nerves. I had to leave my kids when they were 22 months old and 7 months old with my parents for two nights. My parents were nackered at the end of it but they had a wonderful time! They whatsapp'ed me constantly with pictures as they knew how I felt. Once the kids were back home my parents had a week's worth of lie-ins.

What surprised me most was home completely adaptable kids are. I was very much "DS needs this particular set of conditions and DD needs this exact thing" but they didn't. They both slept well and when they woke up in the morning they didn't cry for me as they were so thrilled to see their grandparents!

... but yeah, not a week!

goldengummybear · 09/02/2019 20:07

I agree with the advice that you've had about needing a trial run of both kids for a long weekend. (Could do this over half term or Easter holidays?)

trilbydoll · 09/02/2019 20:11

Could you all go? We went away Oct half term, PIL joined us for Mon-Thurs and it was perfect, they did bath and bedtimes which was a nice break for us and we went for days out all together which was just easier because we outnumbered dc!

User10fuckingmillion · 09/02/2019 20:19

I opened this thread because I was confused why anyone would be concerned about their child going on holiday with their general practitioner

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