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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to take offence at this?

33 replies

Wtf2019 · 09/02/2019 16:35

Chatting to my DP of a year today and I said I wanted to be something and he said you can’t youre too fat. For reference, I am a bit overweight but not huge. A size 14 mostly.

I said oh you do think I’m fat don’t you and he said you do need to lose some weight, I’m just worried about your health. He said a similar thing 6 months ago.

He is severely overweight but has previously gone out with girls who are very fit, lots of makeup etc, don’t let him see them without it and so on. I’m not into always dolling up for him. It’s all just left me quite fed up but more than that I do feel he is awfully shallow.

OP posts:
BrilliantDarling · 09/02/2019 16:46

Fuck that! What a cheeky cunt Angry
I would have immediately brought up the fact that he is an obese twat and has no right to talk about anyones weight!
By the way size 14 is not fat!

GreenThing · 09/02/2019 16:46

Are you too fat to be the thing you wanted to be?

What he said doesn't sound too bad, as you did ask.

BrutusMcDogface · 09/02/2019 16:47

How dare he if he is obese himself?! Twat.

GreenTulips · 09/02/2019 16:47

I’d have said - I’m not too fat to be single

BrutusMcDogface · 09/02/2019 16:48

“I’m just worried about your health”!! Wtaf. You should have said he can worry about your health when he is healthy himself.

Bombardier25966 · 09/02/2019 16:48

Size 14 may be too fat to do some things. What was the activity OP?

origamiunicorn · 09/02/2019 16:51

Size 14 may be too fat to do some things. What was the activity OP?

Grin You don't have to be fat at a size 14. You could have someone who is muscular and a size 14, I'm not sure what the word would be but too fat isn't it. You wouldn't tell a rugby player he was too fat for ballet, wrong build or too heavy maybe...

cfmagnet · 09/02/2019 16:55

Greenthing and Bombardier I'd be interested to know what you think a size 14 might be "too fat" to do/be?Hmm

OP, it is offensive. Using "your health" as an excuse is ridiculous, unless you have health problems related to your weight (which I very much doubt at a size 14!) Weight is not a reliable way to gauge health! I'd say the only weight you "need" to lose is his.

ChairmanMiaow123 · 09/02/2019 16:56

@wtf2019

He is severely overweight but has previously gone out with girls who are very fit, lots of makeup etc, don’t let him see them without it...

Hmm... 🤔 I call bullshit with this comment.
I wouldn’t believe a word of that (from him), personally.
Perhaps that’s just my black, cynical heart talking, though...

Handsfull13 · 09/02/2019 16:57

There is a big difference between saying I think you need to make healthier choices sometimes or you should look at loosing a little weight and saying your fat.

If he's over weight that's even worse because you have to keep the better nicer person and not throw it back at him.

I would be reconsidering if you want to be with him.

Original poster
Wtf2019 · 10/02/2019 00:17

Yeh it’s all very hurtful. I’ve had more messages this evening now saying he’s sorry for being insensitive and can we be friends and do I want to come round. I’ve told him to jog on. No reply so that’s that then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wtf2019 · 10/02/2019 00:19

I was just being silly when I said what I wanted to be. I said I wanted to go into space and he said without missing a beat you can’t because you’re too fat. I didn’t ask him whether I could or anything about my weight. And his messages to me after I left for most of the day were just “sorry you’re upset” and “I was just being honest”. No real consideration that actually he just shouldn’t be so rude/derogatory/shallow

OP posts:
Bobbycat121 · 10/02/2019 00:20

what exactly is it you wanted to do? i just cant think of what it could be that a size 14 would be too fat to do!

YeOldeTrout · 10/02/2019 00:20

Sounds like he's projecting his own problem onto you.

Insomnibrat · 10/02/2019 00:24

What a horrible twat!!! I'd be backing right away from this particular horror show OP!

hastingsmua1 · 10/02/2019 00:31

I hate men that are extremely critical of women but aren’t exactly stunning themselves - he has a problem with your weight and he’s bloody obese? What a joke

Original poster
Wtf2019 · 10/02/2019 08:30

The relationship really wasn’t working but I feel so sad and low this morning about it.

OP posts:
Ragnarthe · 10/02/2019 08:37

I once joked to a male colleague who I thought was my friend that I would get a job as a grid girl on Formula one if I got made redundant. It was a joke, I wouldn't want the job, I'm too old/fat/unattractive/have kids so can't go around the world to F1 events and think the whole thing of having grid girls is sexist nonsense. It was a joke.
He clearly thought I was serious and started to tell me why I couldn't. Not a nice moment.

brighteyeowl17 · 10/02/2019 08:40

If he has said it once he will say it again, and is an idiot. I went out with someone like this who was farrrr from perfect himself but constantly criticised me. It’s a form of control get out now.

Auntiepatricia · 10/02/2019 08:45

You’ve chosen a certain type of guy. For some men their partner is an accessory. So how their partner looks is the most important thing to them. I hate those kind of fuckers, like the women who choose men for their bank balance. A relationship built on sand. It never ends well because the love and respect just isn’t there.

Original poster
Wtf2019 · 10/02/2019 15:38

Having a real wobble about not going back. Read his messages from yesterday and he did say sorry.

OP posts:
GruciusMalfoy · 10/02/2019 15:43

He's a dickhead. You've only been together a year, and he first made an issue of your weight only 6 months into the relationship. Don't sell yourself short by settling for someone who doesn't pay you the respect you deserve.

RandomMess · 10/02/2019 15:47

He could have said lots of reasons why it wasn't possible but he picked on your weight...

He's horrid do not go back!

woolduvet · 10/02/2019 15:51

He did say sorry but he was still rude and told you he was just being honest.

MumW · 10/02/2019 15:52

He is severely overweight
Just wondering what you saw in him. It clearly wasn't his charm. 🤣

Sorry you BF has turned out to be a massive twat. You're obviously too good for him.
Flowers

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