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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To offer to pay the difference

78 replies

NormaTheHippo · 09/02/2019 16:22

Friend and I are going on weekend away together. She is fairly skint at the moment, whereas I am (relatively) flush. She would rather go to a perfectly nice but cheaper hotel outside of the town centre, whereas I'd rather go to a fancy place in a great location which is about £70 more. WIBU to offer to pay to make up the difference? Or do you think that would be rude/make her feel uncomfortable?

NB - at the moment we are both being vv polite saying we don't mind either way but it's pretty obvious that we both have our preferences!

Thanks!

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 09/02/2019 18:00

OP says she can’t lie though.

anxiousbundle · 09/02/2019 18:12

If you are great friends then I'd be happy with it! I treat my best friend/boyfriend when I can and vice versa.

I certainly wouldn't take offence if someone offered to make up the difference if they wanted us to stay in a nicer hotel, but I definitely wouldn't expect for someone to cover my share/upgrade me. It's lovely to offer though and I hope she accepts and you both have a luxurious time!

Weebitawks · 09/02/2019 18:15

Has she got a birthday or something coming up and you can say this is part of her present?

bikerclaire · 09/02/2019 18:18

I really like how Kolo worded it - "offering to upgrade both of you". This is a great way to put it and if the place is in town you can argue that you'll both save money overall too by not paying for taxis/buses. Mind you, having said that, you often get better service and free parking with the more out-of-the-way places.

Crystalintheeyes · 09/02/2019 18:20

I’d offer to do it for a friend and it wouldn’t bother me if someone done it for me.

I presume your good friends so I can’t see any harm

BlitheringIdiots · 09/02/2019 18:20

I always pretend I've found a deal

TimeIhadaNameChange · 09/02/2019 18:23

I’ve holidayed with a richer friend in the past. I took control of transport (booked cheap, but decent flights) and she paid for (ridiculously expensive but lush) hotels. Could a split like that work for you?

PeachQueen · 09/02/2019 18:25

Just book it. It's a lovely thing to
do & you may end up spending the difference from the cheaper one in taxis etc anyway.

nokidshere · 09/02/2019 18:25

If she's a really good friend why can't you just discuss it with her? Tell her you have money burning a hole in your pocket and you'd like to treat her.

I have two really good friends. We are always treating each other, or not, depending on who's got money at the time. I'll say "if it's my turn to pay we are having fish and chips cos I'm skint" or "it's my treat tonight coz I'm flush". I've bought them a spa treat because I can. I want to go and I'd like them to come with me. One of the others bought a night out To something we couldn't afford but she wanted to go to and wanted us to go with her. None of this causes offence, why would it? If we are all skint, we stay in and watch tv and natter over a cheap bottle of wine. There is nothing we discuss that any of us take offence at.. if we don't like it we say no.

Just ask her

Crockof · 09/02/2019 18:31

If you like each other enough to go away then def offer. I've done similar recently and been on the reverse in the past.

Island35 · 09/02/2019 20:38

Apologies RAOK and not ROAK because I made that one up :/

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 09/02/2019 20:46

You got it right the first time Island

Ironmanrocks · 09/02/2019 20:58

I would always offer to treat my friends in this way. I would also say it's my treat to you for being such a bloody good friend. It's my way of saying thank you. There have been times where I have had no money - and there are times when Ive been comfortable. When I have more money I like to share my good fortune.xx

Ontheboardwalk · 09/02/2019 21:01

I’d do it for a friend and would accept it from a friend if I was skint and we wanted different things. As people have said what goes around comes around with friends.

Being in the centre of town can make a bit difference. If you’re outside of town you could end up spending money on taxis getting around and about.

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 09/02/2019 21:05

If she's a good friend I don't see the problem. In fact a friend did similar for me recently. Ive bought her a meal out before when she's been in a tight situation, swings and roundabouts.

louderthan · 09/02/2019 21:07

I am always the poorer friend and I'd be over the moon if someone did this for me

Bluelady · 09/02/2019 21:15

None of my friends would have any issue with this. I wouldn't either. Surely it's the kind of thing friends do?

FirmlyRooted · 09/02/2019 21:22

I have done this with a friend, in fact I paid the full cost of a nice hotel for both of us. I said my husband was paying as a belated birthday treat. Don't think my friend bought it, and DH and I have joint finances anyway, but it gave her a reason to accept without any embarrassment.

TyneTeas · 09/02/2019 21:23

I would feel really awkward about it if I was your friend, like what I could afford wasn't good enough for you and that the material item was more important than spending time with me. I can see that this isn't the consensus and you know your friend

certainlymerry · 09/02/2019 21:40

Your friend may say she is fine with it, but don't you think she would feel embarrassed and beholden to you? If you go to the cheaper hotel she will know you won't be happy now, so she is obliged to go with your choice and either offer to pay when she can't afford it, or accept you paying. Even if she says she doesn't mind, i would guess that at some level she does. No one likes being made to feel like the 'poor relation'. It does depend on the friendship, but there is a lot of potential for awkwardness here. Can't you just go with the cheaper option and make the best of it?

anniehm · 09/02/2019 21:46

I would simply book it as my treat and say I got a good deal and she could pay for dinners.

OlennasWimple · 09/02/2019 21:48

Whatever you decide to do, don't lie to her. Even the best intentioned little white lies have a habit of coming to light, and that could be embarrassing for both of you and she could be very upset by it.

Ontheboardwalk · 10/02/2019 00:52

Why on earth would you feel a poor relation if a friend, who you want to go away with so surely must be a good friend, wants to do something nice for the two of you!

fusioluxe · 10/02/2019 00:54

I’ve done similar a few times. Of course you can do it! You just say “My treat because I love you!” and that’s that.

What has the world come to if you can’t treat your friends? Hmm

Baby2namehelp · 10/02/2019 00:56

I think this is fine. I’ve paid for flights for a friend to come and visit me who couldn’t afford it.

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