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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

There was 3 in the bed and the mummy bear said...

34 replies

FunkyColdMedina19 · 09/02/2019 01:26

...stop fucking snoring and kicking me you pair of wild animals.

The noise. Oh my god, the noise. Dp is snoring like a herd of elephants. I'm going to smother him. I'm so angry right now looking at his bloody mouth hanging open and the sound of a thousand bees having an orgy coming from it. All while he's a farting a hole in his pants, in my lovely new bedding.

Dd (20 months) has decided there is no place she'd rather be tonight than with her foot in my neck and giving me the occasional kick while snoring along with her dad.

Aibu to either murder Dp, dispose of the body and transfer dd to his side of the bed so I can actually get some sleep?!

OP posts:
Fancyacuppaluv · 09/02/2019 01:28

YANBU.
Hope you manage to get some sleep

User2019 · 09/02/2019 01:30

My toddler is currently singing loudly down the baby monitor.

Nothininmenoggin · 09/02/2019 01:31

*Funky given your circumstances I think that is a totally reasonable way to get yourself out of this awful predicamentGrin

Reallyevilmuffin · 09/02/2019 01:32

In these scenarios I used to happily take myself to DDs room and have an empty bed and leave the snorer and the kicker be.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 09/02/2019 01:34

Pinch his nostrils

Poke him between the shoulder blades

Give him a hefty slap then place DD hand on his skin.

Feign sleep and innocence

Original poster
FunkyColdMedina19 · 09/02/2019 01:36

@User2019 are they singing anything nice? Tbf the foot in the neck isn't as bad as the glorious renditions of peppa pigs bing bong song that I'm usually subjected to Grin

@reallyevilmuffin her bed is too small Sad stupid toddler beds!

OP posts:
Original poster
FunkyColdMedina19 · 09/02/2019 01:38

I've been kicking him for the last hour but each kick only gives me about 30 seconds relief and then he's off again.

He thinks he's off to get his hair cut early in the morning, how cute! He'll be seeing to Dd while I catch up on my sleep!

OP posts:
TooManyGlasses · 09/02/2019 01:41

Is the bugger lying on his back? My DH only seems to snore when on his back. The only way to stop him in my experience is to nudge/kick him gently and say “Turn onto your side.” At which he will mumble but not move. So two minutes later: “On your side.” Harder nudge. No response. Then just kick him and stage whisper “ON YOUR SIDE!!” repeatedly until he turns over, complaining about how you’re keeping him awake. The cheek of it!

I love your writing style - “farting a hole in his pants!” This is my DH too!! Are they all the same?!? GrinHmm

Original poster
FunkyColdMedina19 · 09/02/2019 01:47

@Toomanyglasses do we have the same partner? Grin

Even when he rolls over tonight though the snoring continues. And if he rolls my way one more time and snores his stale breath in my face, I won't be responsible for my actions. Usually I can sleep through almost anything but the sound is making me feel violent!!

OP posts:
Original poster
FunkyColdMedina19 · 09/02/2019 01:54

Think I'm gonna save him a trip to the barbers and cut his hair off while he snores away. He's makong me feel stabby!!

OP posts:
Reallyevilmuffin · 09/02/2019 01:55

Now copying my mother we never did a toddler bed - a mattress on the floor instead. Safer for rollers like me when I was a child and although seems weird lasts longer as you stick a bed around it later and has more versitility if you need to host people.

barleyreed · 09/02/2019 01:58

Definitely NBU! Night from hell here too, staying at my parents with DCs thinking it would be a lovely break, in reality DS 3 woke up crying with ear ache which woke DS 1, everyone in my bed, a rainy dash out to the car to get Calpol I had foolishly left in there. DS 1 now thinks it's party time :( I think 1.5 hours sleep might be my lot tonight!

TooManyGlasses · 09/02/2019 02:01

Good luck OP! My DH is currently in our DD’s single bed as she’s not well and is in bed with me...but she sleeps in silence! Bliss! I’m going to make the most of it while it lasts. Try and resist getting those nail scissors out! Toddler beds can be surprisingly comfy if you have no other option...

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 09/02/2019 02:05

I was having a lovely sleep then OH came in drunk from the pub and woke me up. He's now snoring away and I'm wide awake. Grr!

Allfednonedead · 09/02/2019 02:06

My DH snores to waken the dead, and if he’s woken, he can’t get back to sleep and is grumpy all day. Luckily DD(5) comes in every night at 1am, so he’s decided to sleep in the spare room for the moment.
Sadly tonight DS (8) is awake with night fears and other DD also woke up and wanted me. So I’m into the DDs’ bedroom, freezing cold, while DD1 and DS are snug in my bed. Grrrh.

Original poster
FunkyColdMedina19 · 09/02/2019 02:08

@reallyevilmuffin I wish I'd thought of that! Dd has got a lovely, tacky unicorn princess bed that makes me want to throw up every time I look at it but she loves it! (Not enough to actually sleep in it but she often tells me she 'lubs it much' Hmm )

@barleyreed oh that sounds awful! There's nothing worse than when they're sick! Hopefully the Calpol will work it's magic and you will all get some sleep Cake

OP posts:
Original poster
FunkyColdMedina19 · 09/02/2019 02:11

@toomanyglasses I think I may have to bite the bullet and go and become queen of the unicorn bed. Hope your Dd is feeling better soon, enjoy the sleep while you can!!

OP posts:
Fluffytheevil1 · 09/02/2019 02:18

My DH is on his best behaviour at the moment sleep wise. He constantly wakes me up with his snoring like an asthmatic pit bull, 'sleep' nose blowing and throwing himself around the bed. It's honestly like a wrestler jumping into the ring. The amount of times I've almost had a heart attack being bounced out of the bed.Angry so now I've told him no more nudges or kicks he's going straight on the floor. I'm awake tonight as my IBS is flaring up but he may as well have the blame anyway Wink

FenellaMaxwell · 09/02/2019 02:23

I’m sat in an armchair, pinned under a snoring toddler, who isn’t well and wakes every time I attempt to transfer him. I can hear DH AND the dog snoring from our bedroom. Life is NOT FAIR.

Original poster
FunkyColdMedina19 · 09/02/2019 02:24

@allfed they've well and truly done you there! Grin
Take both blankets and snuggle down, enjoy the peace while you can

OP posts:
Original poster
FunkyColdMedina19 · 09/02/2019 02:26

@fluffy oh I know the ibs pain well, i hope you're feeling better soon! Yes best to blame Dh, no need to let him know it wasn't his fault just this once Grin

OP posts:
Sladurche · 09/02/2019 02:27

Husband is snoring a treat here, but the thing keeping me awake is that I'm very, very angry. He kept DD up until 11.15 so she could finish watching Moana and then got cross with me for chatting to her while she got undressed for bed and keeping her up late and stopping her going to bed when she has gymnastics club tomorrow. He then stormed up to bed when I protested. Then refused to kiss me good night because I was a "grumpy sod". I am fuming!!!!!Angry

Original poster
FunkyColdMedina19 · 09/02/2019 02:32

@fenella oh that sounds horrible, I hope your LO is feeling better soon and you manage some sleep. Deploy calpol and put dog and dh on toddler patrol as soon as you can and get some rest. Its never easy when they're sick. Cake & Brew for you

OP posts:
Original poster
FunkyColdMedina19 · 09/02/2019 02:34

@sladurche it's amazing how their minds work isn't it, they're never in tbe wrong! Smother him with a pillow, there's nothing else for it Grin

OP posts:
FenellaMaxwell · 09/02/2019 02:35

Thank you! He’s calpolled up, doused in tixylix and smeared in snufflebabe. I’m going to attempt another transfer. #prayforFenella

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