There was 3 in the bed and the mummy bear said...

[FunkyColdMedina19]

...stop fucking snoring and kicking me you pair of wild animals.

The noise. Oh my god, the noise. Dp is snoring like a herd of elephants. I'm going to smother him. I'm so angry right now looking at his bloody mouth hanging open and the sound of a thousand bees having an orgy coming from it. All while he's a farting a hole in his pants, in my lovely new bedding.

Dd (20 months) has decided there is no place she'd rather be tonight than with her foot in my neck and giving me the occasional kick while snoring along with her dad.

Aibu to either murder Dp, dispose of the body and transfer dd to his side of the bed so I can actually get some sleep?!

Ah, the bliss of divorce. It's so worth it just to sleep alone in a king size bed and the only snoring is my own. That and not having to buy presents for his 14 nieces and nephews.

LTB all of you, save yourselves!

@fenella my fingers are crossed for you here. You can do this!!

@thighofrelief that sounds so tempting right now. I'm very jealous!

I've took (another) kalms night tablet, made a cup of decaf tea and put some old episodes of mock the week on although i'm struggling to hear it over darth vader here! Praying sleep finds me soon

Nope. Fucked it up. Tripped over the dog on the way out of his room, who’d come to see where I was. I’ve been up for 3 hours, and NOW she comes looking for me.

Oh nooooo
Wake dh up and tell him it's his turn. Is there no way ds will go in to bed with you?

He’s never been willing to sleep in our bed - I wish he would! He views it as party time, wanting to bounce around and cuddle the dog and sing A LOT.

Unfortunately DH’s job means that he leaves before DS wakes up and gets back after he’s asleep, which means DS categorically will not let DH put him to bed as he’s so used to it just being me and him. Ok, one more episode of America’s Got Talent and then I will try again. How’s the unicorn bed?!

Oh what a nightmare, I really feel for you! Hopefully next time will be better, just beware of dogs skulking round for a nose!

Once I got rid of the stuffed animals and the peppa pig figures that were shoved everywhere (I hate that pig!) Its actually not too bad. Cramped, but quiter so thats something

SUCCESS!!!!! Here’s hoping we both get some sleep!!

For once DH snoring isn’t keeping me awake. That’s only because he’s now on the pull out bed in DS1’s room, as DS2 has woken, as he does every night (sob) having his nightmares/night terrors - he’s awaiting asd diagnosis and has been like this since starting school. He’s been tossing and turning and trying to wedge his legs under me, we both finally went to sleep then I got woken by the fucking doorbell 20min ago! Luckily not an axe wielding maniac! No, it’s the torrential rain we now have that’s actually so heavy it’s making the doorbell go off!! So now the universe is conspiring to rob me of sleep. At least DS2 has finally settled and pumping away in his sleep. He does have redeeming features though, when I got back into bed I tucked him back in, he opened his eyes, smiled at me and said “aw thank you Mam!”