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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you have/had PTSD, can I ask your opinion whether this is it?

27 replies

Seline · 08/02/2019 23:59

I've posted before on here about my traumatic twin birth at 26 weeks that resulted in me nearly dying and one twin nearly dying multiple times. Don't want to discuss the details but that's the important part.

I thought I was fine but...things keep happening. At first I thought mild PND or sleep deprivation but I don't think it is, I don't feel depressed and this isn't really like what people describe.

Every night, when it gets to a certain time, I get very tearful and frightened. I start hyperventilating and thinking something awful is about to happen. This only ever happens at this particular time and lasts until a certain time. I've recently realised the time coincides with when I started hemhorraging until the time I lost consciousness. Every night this happens without fail.

Again during the night I get angry at everything. I end up crying and whinging over really stupid petty things that I would normally not even register.

I can't sleep by the babies. We have to take it in turns doing shifts as I don't want anyone to be asleep while they are in case they stop breathing. When the house is quiet I wake up on alert thinking the babies are in danger. I also don't like the babies ever put of mine or my husband's sights

I feel like I am being watched and attacked. By whom I don't know but I see threats everywhere. I feel like my kids lives are at risk and that I need to protect us but I can't articulate who exactly I am protecting us from.

Any time I see articles or stories about prem babies I go cold and struggle to breathe. I can't look say ceiling lights anymore because I see the lights I saw before my emergency cesarean.

These issues mainly arise at night during those times. In the day I have barely any of this and function fine. But at night I get...this. I have had two flashbacks but haven't had any for weeks.

My husband thinks I have PTSD from the birth and I also think I may do. Does this sound like PTSD? What did you do to help? Thanks.

OP posts:
Goposie · 09/02/2019 00:06

Could be. Try e m d r. I found it very effective after just three sessions for birth trauma.

Original poster
Seline · 09/02/2019 00:09

That's the light therapy isnt it. Did you have to go private?

OP posts:
EatsFartsAndLeaves · 09/02/2019 00:12

Could well be PTSD. Ask your GP for a referral to mental health services.

Goposie · 09/02/2019 00:13

Not light therapy.you can get it in n nhs but quicker to go private

bridgetreilly · 09/02/2019 00:14

You need to see the doctor. It may or may not be PTSD, but it is definitely serious enough to get some help. Good luck.

Original poster
Seline · 09/02/2019 00:15

I feel a bit silly going to the doctor because some people have crap like this all day long and for me it's just a few hours of it. I sort of feel like maybe I should just power through it but it is very upsetting.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/02/2019 00:18

I believe you are suffering from anxiety attacks from the trauma you've suffered, and there is no shame in that. You've been through a terrible time, of course there are lasting effects. I lived through a very traumatic experience many years ago and I know how you feel. You've got to fully acknowledge your anxiety and get therapy as soon as humanly possible. It will help tremendously.

Original poster
Seline · 09/02/2019 00:22

Goposie interesting thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Seline · 09/02/2019 00:23

It is like an anxiety attack but it's more intense, it feels like there is a threat nearby. It's really odd.

OP posts:
RainbowMum11 · 09/02/2019 00:24

Def go to your GP although there are really long waits for any mental health treatment so it is worth investigating private, but def see your GP in the first instance anyway.
It sounds like a very traumatic experience, there's no wonder at all xxx
How old are your babies now? X

Original poster
Seline · 09/02/2019 00:25

They're 16 weeks Smile both gaining weight and happy!

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 09/02/2019 00:25

Sounds like PTSD. What you went through was huge. You need and deserve support, for as long as you want.

Flowers
CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 09/02/2019 00:33

Yes it sounds like it may be. I've been successfully treated for PTSD with EMDR.

Applesandpears23 · 09/02/2019 00:34

It sounds like how I was after my first birth. I struggled on for months and it didn’t start to get better until I had counselling. I wouldn’t get hung up on the diagnosis, focus on the fact that you are distressed at night and you need help to relieve that. Talk to your GP or look for a counsellor who is experienced with birth trauma. Do either you or your partner have accesa to counselling through an employee assistance program with work? If you do that can be a faster way to get counselling.

YouBoggleMyMind · 09/02/2019 00:39

Defo see your GP for support and if you can, counselling/support to deal with the birth directly, this might be via the hospital. I'm so sorry you've had such a horrible time Thanks

Original poster
Seline · 09/02/2019 00:48

Thank you. I don't think we can access counselling at work. It's a really horrible skin crawling sensation. It's that time now and it's my turn to be awake and I'm just sitting here feeling horrible. It lasts until 6am Sad

OP posts:
PRoseLegend · 09/02/2019 00:55

To be honest that sounds like a combination of PTSD and possibly Post-natal Psychosis, especially if you are experiencing paranoia.
Please, OP, talk to your GP. Also please contact PANDAS UK, they specifically support parents with post-natal mental illness.
A friend of mine accessed counselling through them and said they were really supportive.

www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-help/

Nothininmenoggin · 09/02/2019 00:59

Hi Seline so sorry to hear of your traumatic birth experience. Have you had a debrief with your hospital consultant or a senior midwife. If not please ask for one as this might help a bit in processing your feelings. I would definitely go to see your GP about how you are feeling as this does sound like PTSD and there are treatments out there to help you. You do not need to go through this alone and please do not think you are wasting anyone's time. You have had an extremely traumatic experience and you need to make sense of what happened and why. Please get help and I really hope you can get some sleep tonight. I feel for you so muchFlowers

Original poster
Seline · 09/02/2019 01:00

I don't think it's postnatal psychosis. It's literally always just between these times and it's more a feeling of imminent danger than paranoia? As if someone is about to attack me and the kids, the sort of feeling you get when you're on a rollercoaster and it's about to drop.

OP posts:
Original poster
Seline · 09/02/2019 01:02

I did have a debrief but it was literally the same week I gave birth and mainly was there to fill in the gaps as I was under GA and very confused when I woke up.

OP posts:
worriedunimum · 09/02/2019 02:22

Well I can only share my experience, but that sounds like my (diagnosed) c ptsd symptoms
Huge hugs and xxx

Siameasy · 09/02/2019 02:24

Definitely go to the GP. I had the fear of being attacked thing, it was PND in my case and I had anti-Ds and beta blockers and I’m fine now. You don’t have to live like this. I never went until my DC was older, I should’ve gone sooner.
Is there something you could watch on TV or a tablet like something benign (a cheesy film?) that might distract you a bit and clear your head so you can sleep?

Siameasy · 09/02/2019 02:26

Also would add that my experience of PND wasn’t being “sad” or “depressed” which is what people think it is but more like scared, brain fog and feeling like I was going bonkers...anyway do get help x

Walnutwhipster · 09/02/2019 03:10

It's definitely not silly to go and see your GP. I have PTSD, health anxiety and a phobia of hospitals, all of which only began with a specific event. In my case the hospital have admitted negligence. Your symptoms are very similar to mine. Please seek help. This is robbing you of joy.