I've posted before on here about my traumatic twin birth at 26 weeks that resulted in me nearly dying and one twin nearly dying multiple times. Don't want to discuss the details but that's the important part.
I thought I was fine but...things keep happening. At first I thought mild PND or sleep deprivation but I don't think it is, I don't feel depressed and this isn't really like what people describe.
Every night, when it gets to a certain time, I get very tearful and frightened. I start hyperventilating and thinking something awful is about to happen. This only ever happens at this particular time and lasts until a certain time. I've recently realised the time coincides with when I started hemhorraging until the time I lost consciousness. Every night this happens without fail.
Again during the night I get angry at everything. I end up crying and whinging over really stupid petty things that I would normally not even register.
I can't sleep by the babies. We have to take it in turns doing shifts as I don't want anyone to be asleep while they are in case they stop breathing. When the house is quiet I wake up on alert thinking the babies are in danger. I also don't like the babies ever put of mine or my husband's sights
I feel like I am being watched and attacked. By whom I don't know but I see threats everywhere. I feel like my kids lives are at risk and that I need to protect us but I can't articulate who exactly I am protecting us from.
Any time I see articles or stories about prem babies I go cold and struggle to breathe. I can't look say ceiling lights anymore because I see the lights I saw before my emergency cesarean.
These issues mainly arise at night during those times. In the day I have barely any of this and function fine. But at night I get...this. I have had two flashbacks but haven't had any for weeks.
My husband thinks I have PTSD from the birth and I also think I may do. Does this sound like PTSD? What did you do to help? Thanks.