to think parental gender disappointment probably plays a big role in the increase of "trans" children?

[Valanice1989]

An FB friend shared this article about "gender disappointment and grief". The author writes about having a baby of the "wrong" sex as though it's on a par with the death of a child, using phrases like "I've just lost my girl" and saying that she's looking forward to finally getting a daughter when she goes to Heaven.

She has a stereotyped, fetishistic idea of girls: "I’ve always dreamt of having a daughter. I fantasized about the pink bows, sheets and nursery walls. I imagined the shopping trips, mani/pedi outings, and the hair braiding. I thought about our heartfelt conversations, her first kiss, first love, and first heartbreak. I imagined the tears we would both shed as she found the perfect wedding dress. I pictured the look on my husband’s face as he walked our baby girl down the aisle. I dreamt of the moment she would become a mom and finally know the depth of my love for her."

It doesn't seem to have entered her head that a daughter might not like pink things or shopping (I'm one of them!), or want to get married, or want to have children. And seriously, who cries when they find their perfect wedding dress?

She criticises the people that she feels weren't sympathetic enough to her and says that she's learned to stop hiding her gender disappointment. She writes that she "lost the one person I cherished most" - more than her sons. And at the end of the article, she includes her real name and a link to her blog. So it's entirely possible that her sons will one day read the article and discover that she loves her fictional daughter more than she loves them.

Is this part of the reason so many children are now being diagnosed with gender dysphoria? Now that it's becoming more socially acceptable for parents to talk openly about gender disappointment, what impact must that have on their children? If you knew that your own mother was so disappointed in you when you were born that she actually spiralled into grief, wouldn't that leave you with very low self-esteem? Wouldn't you want to change yourself?

There was a poster on here a some years back who posted about gender disappointment after learning she was having a 4th son when she desperately wanted a daughter. A few years later... same poster, asking for advice with helping a 3/4 year old boy transition to girl. Bloody tragic.

I don't know if there is anything in it or not OP, but I do know/have known, a large amount of people who crave a daughter. In the western world anyway. In non-western cultures, they seem to want sons.

Weirdly, when I was a kid (1970's and 80's) boys seem to be preferred by mother, and grandmothers, and aunts and so on, and the boys in my family were always favoured, and given special treatment. My brother could not put a foot wrong; same with my female cousins brothers. They never had to lift a finger, and all the chores were allocated to the girls only.

So I wonder sometimes, if that is why many people - women moreso than men crave a daughter? To try to somehow create the mother-daughter bond they never had with their own mother.

That said, I do know several women who have good relationships with their mothers, who are desperate for a daughter. So I'm not so sure that theory pans out!!!

It has to be said though, that there are a MASSIVE amount of transfolk now compared to a 20-25 plus years ago. There has to be SOME reason why.

I wouldn’t say gender disappointment is new, or more expressed. It’s just that it is getting directed at boys more when it used to be girls.

I think it’s appalling to create a new life knowing there’s a 50% chance you’ll resent your child for being the wrong sex.

As a mother to 5 boys gender disappointment is a thing.Not to me,but the amount of people disappointed on my behalf was astounding.I wasnt bothered if they where a boy or girl.

Im sure the rate of kids wanting to be trans has gone up.And like everything else a fair few are doing it for the wrong reason.

Honestly? I just think that whenever anything unpleasant, uncomfortable or out of the ordinary happens a lot of people instantly default to blaming the mothers because they are an easy target.

Why noble on fathers whose daughters transition?

Gender disappointment is not a new thing. It’s probably far less pronounced today than in the past when boys were required for inheritance, keeping the family name going and caring for female family members in case of the patriarchs death. If it was because of mothers’ gender disappointment, this would have been going on for hundreds, if not thousands of years at this level or worse and it never has.

It’s much easier to blame mothers for the current situation rather than look at the place of TRAs, LGBTQ+ or whatever they’re called this week) activists, charities like Mermaids, hard left wing activists and student organisations, campus censorship, press promotion and the acquiescence of the public sector to promoting the TRA agenda. Most of all the police labelling any action which does not conform to TRA orthodoxy as a thought crime.

But yeah, let’s just blame it on the poor mothers who find themselves in a frightening and scary situation where people who have no real concern for the welfare of their child are queuing up encouraging them to take their snake oil cure as some sort of magic fix.

Well she would have been very disappointed if she'd had a girl like me. I flatly refused to wear dresses or skirts until I was in my teens, had my hair short and preferred typically boyish activities as a child. I expressed a desire to be a boy at a young age and may well have been considered trans these days.

I'm now a married mother of two teenage boys, both of whom are more than happy to go shopping with me (particularly if there is the possibility of lunch and my buying them some clothes)!

Someone made a point at the beginning of the thread that has always puzzled me. You often get men over 40 transitioning to women, but never/rarely get women over 40 transitioning to men.

Why is that? I have seen literally multiple dozens of male to female transgender over the age of 40, but have never seen a female to male transgender over 40.

It has to be said though, that there are a MASSIVE amount of transfolk now compared to a 20-25 plus years ago. There has to be SOME reason why.

Well TRAs would argue they’ve always been there but never had the courage to be out until it was better publicised and accepted.

There’s probably a grain of truth in that. But I think a lot of it is just pure publicity. It’s extremely high profile at the moment and receiving heavy press coverage. It’s being sold as some sort of magic fix which will cure all ills and suddenly make all your problems go away. Of course people who are vulnerable will buy into that message.

That article is awful! Having all boys is worse than not being able to have a child at all? Cherishing the daughter you imagined more than the sons who exist?

I always wanted a daughter but I have two boys. I was disappointed to begin with but they are both amazing and I wouldn’t change either of them for the world. Can’t imagine how awful it will be for those poor boys to read that article when they get older

When my second son was born I admit to a fleeting disappointment as I really wanted a girl but soon got over that and loved my gorgeous boy who looked just like the Milky bar kid growing up. He was just like his older brother, both geeky rather than sporty. And more like his brother than his little sister (who I was sure was another boy and weirdly felt my third son was missing for a few days. Hormones I think!). I had absolutely no idea of my middle child's struggle for self understanding until age 22 she told us she was trans and is on the journey from male to female. I look back and still can't see any clues that this was on the cards at all. She has always been quite a private, withdrawn person but is definitely much happier in herself and although I am surprised (still, almost 3 years later) I am as full of pride and love for my daughter as I was for the son I thought I had. And I am pretty sure it has nothing to do with that disappointment I had when she was born. Which in itself seems kind of ironic now....

I definitely agree with what you’ve said about her having a totally stereotyped idea of girls. I’m pregnant at the moment and in a Facebook group of people due around the same time and several members have talked about gender disappointment and said things like “I’m devastated I’m not having a girl, I always imagined taking my daughter to dance lessons.” Or “I’m devastated I’m not having a boy, I always wanted to cheer my son on in football.” I always wonder what the reactions of these parents would be if they had a girl, but she didn’t want to do dance lessons (or a boy who didn’t want to do football), would they be “devastated”? And then there’s the obvious criticism that maybe they could consider the possibility of cheering their daughter on in sport, or their son doing dance, or (god forbid) letting their child choose what they’re interested in, rather than choosing it for them based on their own daydreams of parenthood.

NottonightJosepheen

Autogynephiles are not genuinely dysphoric about their naturally sexed bodies. They are heterosexual men. They have a fetish. They are opportunistic. They can be stunning and brave where once they were creepy, deviant, perverse.

They enjoyed male privilege, impregnated women, exploited job and social opportunities as straight men. Until, the current climate legitimised their fetish.

Do you think that's all true? It does seem very odd that so many men transition in middle age to women, but very few women transition to men. As you say, it's very convenient that they enjoyed all the privileges of being male, and were seemingly happy to be male til 45-50, and then decided to identify as female. Very convenient.

People like India Willoughby do my head in, with her 'I. AM. A. WOMAN!!!' stance that she had on big brother. She was around 50 when she transitioned, and did not grow up as a woman, with all the trials and tribulations and drawbacks of being a woman. (Periods, pregnancy, childbirth, being second best in almost every workplace, being sexually harassed on a daily basis from around 13 to your late 30's, being sexually abused.)

So sorry, but she is not a woman. She is transgender. Same with Caitlin Jenner. Both piss me off and I wish they would both fuck off tbh.

My dd is 8 this week. Yesterday her dad took her to Asda after school to choose a new lunch box and couldn't believe how the lady on the checkout was over her choice.

Dd is a typical girly girl. Glitter, sparkle, pink, unicorns blah blah but also loves so called boy stuff too. She has inherited ds's vast lego collection and loads of other stuff. She also loves dinosaurs and chose a Jurassic Park lunchbox and beaker. It's black and blue and features the character "blue" who she loves.

Thank god she knows how to handle things like this as when the lady asked why she was getting a "boys one" my dd said that it certainly wasn't a boys one. She loves dinosaurs too and why is that wrong? Dp was very proud of her, as was I when they told me.

She's a little girl who is being socially conditioned to choose typical girls stuff ( like she has already, LOL, shopkins etc ) which is wrong. I also remember ds being around 4 and wanting a Barbie doll so he got one. Hasn't affected his life one bit!

Nah, it's not the reason for the increase. I am sure there will be one or two emotionally or mentally unbalanced adults who would try to encourage their child to see themselves as the sex they aren't, there will always be disturbed people, but the reason for the increase lies elsewhere.

For this theory to be correct there would have to be a much higher incidence of trans people from families where all offspring were the same sex.

I don't think this is necessarily true. I've been on various parenting forums over the years, and actually, some of the most extreme gender disappointment has come from parents who already have at least one child of their "desired" sex (ugh). One woman refused to hold her son when he was born because she'd wanted a second daughter.

Another woman had two daughters and a son (he was the youngest). Even though they were all adults now, she still felt disappointed every day that her youngest was male instead of a third girl. She said that she missed her daughters if she didn't speak to them for a day, but could go for ages without missing her son.

We’re headed down a dangerous road by medicalising gender non conforming kids, the vast majority of whom will grow into perfectly healthy gay or lesbian, or just GNC adults. I do fear for them, because it would’ve been me if trans had been a thing 25 years ago. It’s being pushed so aggressively atm that many kids will be swept up by it, and by the time they realise what’s happened and what’s been done to them, it’ll be too late and the damage will be done.

This.

I was a stereotypical tom boy. I was a late developer socially and never really got 'girly' thins like crushes on pop stars, make up and pretty clothes.

Turns out I am not gay, I'm not a man, I'm just not a very feminine woman. I am a perfectly well adjusted adult who has many female friends and I enjoy a wide range of activities, including getting muddy on my mountain bike (for example).

I read a study in which it was discussed that families with very strict concepts of gender norms are more likely to accept a trans child than they are homosexual/gender non confirming one.

So, for example, they would accept a trans”daughter” more readily than they would a gay or simply “effeminate” son. This is often seen amongst working class families.

mindutopia I always find it suspect when people claim to have “lots” of friends from a very tiny group. Even if you do come across a few in your work, you shouldn’t be making friends with them?

We also need to look at countries such as iran where homosexuality is illegal.

Trans is acceptable, so if you are a homosexual male transitioning to female means you won’t get imprisoned or worse.