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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my 8 year old DS to not eat with his hands anymore?

82 replies

LittleBoot · 04/07/2007 10:09

I screamed and shouted and ranted at him this morning.

Honestly, I have tried everything. Star charts for eating nicely. Ignoring it when he uses his hands as maybe it's a way of winding me up. Praising his sister (5) for using her cutlery and ignoring that he isn't using his. Ranting. Joking. Disappointment. Threats. Promises. Rewards. Sanctions.

Nothing has worked, what am I doing wrong? How do I get him to use his cutlery as a default?

OP posts:
duchesse · 04/07/2007 10:23

Two of my 3 still do this. They are cough14 and cough 10cough cough.

Apparently they have beautiful table manners at other people's houses (has been commented on many times, and not by eople who live in zoos either).

I reckon it is part laziness and part winding me up. Have NO IDEA how to deal with as have been trying same things fruitlessly for 13 years now. That's a definition of madness, isn't it?

If you do find out, please tell me...

Enid · 04/07/2007 10:24

I have said to dd1 (7) that as long as she uses a knife and fork beautifully in front of grandma/other peoples parents, I dont care mucha bout her using one at home

she doenst use hansd though - a spoon or fork only usually

venusinfurs · 04/07/2007 10:27

Oh Littleboot, we thought it was only our eight year old DS! His table manners are awful and we can't work out how it has happened. We have a plan at the moment to concentrate on one thing at a time, so we're starting with the hands business and then moving onto the getting up/pushing chair back/stuffing food in gob.
I can only sympathise.

SweetyDarling · 04/07/2007 10:34

I would have been told to leave the table without my dinner. Harsh, but my table manners were pretty impecable.

Original poster
LittleBoot · 04/07/2007 11:14

Hmm, that's one way SD I suppose I could starve him.

He's already quite thin though and fussier about food than DD.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleBoot · 04/07/2007 11:43

It is reassuring to know he's not the only savage untamed 8 year old around

Maybe I can do that deal with him - I will not hassle you at home if you eat properly outside and when we have guests.

But my thinking has been that if he's used to doing it at home, he won't have to think about it when out and about so will be more comfortable.

OP posts:
barney2 · 04/07/2007 11:50

If he's a fussy eater and he eats despite using his hands I wouldn't worry about it. Atleast he eats!! I think it is an attention seeking thing - kids can be clever and if they know its winding up the parents they'll do it all the more!

midnightmagpie · 04/07/2007 11:50

I'd be tempted to grit my teeth and ignore his table habits what an amazing way to get attention at least 3 times a day. personally i'm not bothered by my daughter eating with her hands its considered acceptable in many culters there are worse things that they can do at the dinner table

doughnuts · 04/07/2007 11:52

My ten year old still eats from time to time with his hands which drives me demented !!! One of his grandparents never helped by declaring that 'fingers came before knives and forks' - grrrr !

duchesse · 04/07/2007 11:55

Blooming grandparents! Anybody would think they were trying to undermine the parents... (my ma in law just the same- I am too hard etc on the children...)

barney2 · 04/07/2007 11:57

My dd(8) uses her hands quite a bit when she's eating her meals which tbh I don't mind because providing she's eating that's fine with me. My younger dd (3) eats the same but we do encourage both of them to use their forks and spoons (both useless with knives!) but I don't get cross with either of them - there's no point. There's nothing worse than a stressed out mealtime. I've even gone beyond the tut-tutting when they drop their food on the floor - I just tell them that when they've finished they can go back into their cages with the monkeys!

Speccy · 04/07/2007 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LittleBoot · 04/07/2007 11:58

I have started to make them hold the pan while I brush up the mess

The thinking being that if they're inconvenienced by their savage eating habits, they might civilise them a bit

Not working yet!

OP posts:
barney2 · 04/07/2007 11:58

....and I bet he went off to school this morning with a big grin on his face thinking 'I've wound Mum up today and I won! Ha ha!!'

snorkle · 04/07/2007 11:59

As well as the eating properly outside & with guests, could you have a day (or a meal) once a week when you insist on proper eating too so he gets some practise & gets comfortable with it? That leaves 6 days a week to let him get on with eating in his own fashion.

Speccy · 04/07/2007 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LittleBoot · 04/07/2007 11:59

But that's the thing - I'm not sure he does know what to do with them when out and about.

Am going out to lunch on Saturday, will observe him then

OP posts:
Speccy · 04/07/2007 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

barney2 · 04/07/2007 12:13

He just doesn't want to do what his Mum WANTS him to do...simple case of being an 8yr old!!!

If I told my dd NOT to use her knife and fork she would!

barney2 · 04/07/2007 12:15

I agree with Speccy....if he's not a brilliant eater don't make the situation worse...it's just not worth it. Be glad he eats. It must be far more worrying for parents if their kids simply won't eat.

Original poster
LittleBoot · 04/07/2007 12:18

But that's another thing. I'm not sure if it is a "little thing" to me. I really hate bad table manners.

I had no idea I hated them until about eight years ago when I had someone staying at my house who repelled me so much by his disgusting slurping noises and chewing with his mouth open, that I had to leave the table sometimes when he was there.

OK I know that may be a bit extreme, but some people hate farting, some hate runny noses, etc. etc. I just hate bad table manners.

Am I mad?

OP posts:
midnightmagpie · 04/07/2007 12:19

your a mum of an 8yr old have you nothing more important to get stressed about personly I'm more concerned that you use the word saveage when refering to your boy i think i'd rather have him to lunch than you look at the bigger picture and ask yourself what example are you setting him generally

duchesse · 04/07/2007 12:21

I frequently call my children's behaviour "savage". They seem to find it funny, but I suppose they could in fact be concealing the terminal hurt and bewilderment they feel...

Speccy · 04/07/2007 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlamingTomatoes · 04/07/2007 12:23

Got a baby, MM?