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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that very sick children should not attend activities?

55 replies

firsttimemummy17 · 08/02/2019 12:41

My DD who is 15 months now has just been diagnosed with bacterial tonsillitis last night in A&E and given yet another course of antibiotics. This has been happening since Oct when she turned 1. This is the third course of antibiotics this winter, previous 2 being chest infection and ear infection in both ears. In between she had terrible colds.

We are going to classes and play groups a lot, well in between her illnesses, and all the time I see these sick children with bad coughs, runny nouses and sneezing around, AIBU to think that they should be kept home for their own sake and the sake of other children? Every time my DD gets better and we are out to play groups she catches something straight away. I’m all for building immunity and a bit of germs but this winter has been non-stop Sad. We spent last night in A&e and today she is the most unwell she’s ever been, throwing up, not eating and unable to take her medication Sad

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 08/02/2019 12:42

I agree.

However you’ll get flamed.

RoryLeighGilmore · 08/02/2019 12:44

Very sick children should stay at home, I agree.
But a cold and a runny nose is pretty much most toddlers all winter! If they're happy in themselves and it's something minor I don't personally see the issue.

BIgBagofJelly · 08/02/2019 12:45

Poor DD it's horrible when they're sick. My eldest has got Strep a number of times (I caught it off him once and it was bloody awful).

I think coughs and runny noses and sneezes are actually OK for the little one to keep going to activities as long as they're OK in themselves. Temperatures, tummy bugs or generally feeling tired and unwell then yes the child should be kept home.

I imagine if you sun had a bacterial infection he probably didn't catch it from one of the sneezers at playgroup who probably just had viral colds.

Hospitaldramafamily · 08/02/2019 12:47

I agree. I'll be keeping DS home from a baby group tomorrow.

RevRichardWayneGaryWayne · 08/02/2019 12:48

I think it depends what you mean, being really sick or have something seriously contagious of course they shouldn't - but if we stayed home every time one of our kids sniffed or coughed we'd be hermits!

I guess it's a judgement call on how bad they are, but if they seem OK in themselves I wouldn't left a stuffy nose keep me home.

Hospitaldramafamily · 08/02/2019 12:48

Meant to say: keeping him home because he is miserable with a horrible cold and now has gunky eyes

MrDarcyWillBeMine · 08/02/2019 12:51

Throwing up, or very unwell- yes keep them home

Runny nose and bit of a light cold- 🤔 I mean I can’t skip work for that so no my kids would still go to activities!

It teaches resilience and frankly is good for building immune systems. It sucks when your child is unwell but unless you want sickly adults who can’t hold a job because they need a week off for every ‘sore throat’ then let them be exposed to a few germs!

Plus, when they get to school you’ll find that you have no choice but to send them in with runny noses or coughs else you’ll be able to paper your walls with ‘attendence’ letters 😡

Kaykay06 · 08/02/2019 12:53

Babies and toddlers tend to pick up colds and coughs all the time, coughs can linger on too once the original illness has got better. I have 4 kids so my older ones used to bring home germs from school to their baby brothers. Was constant that one wasn’t very well over the winter.

Your daughter just sounds like she’d prone to tonsillitis as some kids are and might need them out later on in life if the flare ups continue. Hope your baby feels better and her immunity builds up, my 7 year old has had so many colds over this winter and they all affect his asthma so he’s off again on steroids etc coughing and feeling miserable.
Roll on spring

GloryforGloves · 08/02/2019 12:55

I don’t think I’ve met a toddler than doesn’t have a runny nose during winter. There would be no one at playgroups.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 08/02/2019 12:55

I'm so sorry your DD has tonsilittis, I had it a few years ago and it's bloody awful!

And yes, very sick kids should be at home, but if it's only a cold then life has to go on as normal I'm afraid.

MrMakersFartyParty · 08/02/2019 12:56

Try sambucol

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 08/02/2019 12:57

When children are very poorly they absolutely should be at home, but it really doesn’t bother me seeing children with colds/coughs/sneezes at playgroups etc. Some of the children I see at groups seem to permanently have a cold at the moment, they’d be stuck in all winter.

Although my ds is quite lucky. Despite requiring a couple of courses of antibiotics in his first year (one prophylactically for 3 months) he seems to have developed a good immune system and isn’t often ill. I might feel differently if he was always getting poorly.

WetWipesGoInTheBin · 08/02/2019 12:58

Coughs, sneezing and runny noses are normal with children under 6. My many nephews and nieces had constant runny noses until they were about 7. Plus they are normal viral infections NOT bacterial infections.

So YABU.

And I'm saying this as an adult who has been prone to bacterial infections since babyhood.

I suggest if your child keeps getting bacterial infections especially in summer ask to be referred to a pediatrician to confirm there is nothing wrong with her immune system. To cut a long story short I was diagnosed as an adult as having an issue by of chance by a nurse practitioner but for decades GPs kept fobbing my family off.

Original poster
firsttimemummy17 · 08/02/2019 13:00

The thing is, she gets unwell as soon as we start going for activities again. I kept her home after Christmas until about mid Jan and she was really well. As soon as we started activities she got a pretty bad cold and after a cold she usually gets an infection. I don’t know how unwell these children are as it’s not always obvious and I agree a little runny nose or a little cough is not a problem, but I can’t explain why she gets so unwell. My DH and I have been pretty well this winter and we don’t have many people around our house.

OP posts:
SleepWarrior · 08/02/2019 13:03

I always found it so frustrating too as I had one that got bronchiolitis after every cold -- neither of would sleep properly for 2 weeks and it's awful seeing them so poorly.

But at the same time I'm sure that a very high percentage of toddlers at a group are either brewing, recovering from, or actively experiencing a cold, all of which are contagious. So it's not just the obviously snotty ones spreading it around.

Totally agree when it comes to norovirus and similar, absolutely unacceptable.

Bambamber · 08/02/2019 13:07

I agree that very sick children should stay at home. However I certainly don't count a cough, runny nose nose and sneezing as very sick. I always stuck by the rule that if my daughter had a temperature, we stayed home.

Bambamber · 08/02/2019 13:08

It sounds as though she keeps getting bacterial infections after simple colds, in which case have you spoken to your GP about it?

BIgBagofJelly · 08/02/2019 13:09

firsttimemummy17

I sympathise. Unfortunately this just happens with some kids - they pick up everything going. My youngest was like this as a toddler and now she's started school is rarely ill. My eldest was the other way round, rarely had even a cold when he was little and was off school every other week in reception with one thing or another. Kids are often infectious before they get symptoms so unfortunately avoiding the kids who know they're sick wouldn't be enough.

All you can do is be extra careful with hygiene and wait for it to pass.

BIgBagofJelly · 08/02/2019 13:10

I do agree about speaking to the GP about why she keeps getting bacterial infections. Is it always tonsillitis? Some kids are very prone to that.

ReaganSomerset · 08/02/2019 13:11

Coughs and colds are contagious before symptoms emerge too, so even if all children with a slight cold stayed off, your DD would still pick them up. I'd be seeing a doctor. Are you giving her vitamin d supplements?

EstrellaDamn · 08/02/2019 13:19

But every single one year old on the planet spends the winter with the cold. That lasts until they're about school age. They can't be quarantined for months on end!

TchoupiEtDoudou · 08/02/2019 13:19

Some kids pick up everything going and get it worse than others. Sounds like your DD is one of them.

DS1 (7) has gone from illness to illness since last September.

Same time period, DS2 (4) had one slightly raised temperature that lasted less than 12 hours.

KatnissMellark · 08/02/2019 13:22

My DS has a runny nose from October to April. Maybe we should hibernate Blush

BluthsFrozenBananas · 08/02/2019 13:32

I had a similar experience with my DD so I do understand, but the thing is these children aren’t very ill, they have bog standard winter colds. Unfortunately when your DD gets one it often triggers tonsillitis, however that’s not what’s happening with the other snotty toddlers, most of them will only experience it as a regular cold.

Absolutely people should keep children at home with ant d and v bug or something highly contagious like chicken pox, but colds are different.

HomoHeinekenensis · 08/02/2019 13:39

Could there be an underlying cause such as an allergy. I was like your DC when I was young. It was discovered that I was allergic to the cat and thus I was predisposed to everything going.

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