AIBU to think that very sick children should not attend activities?

[firsttimemummy17]

My DD who is 15 months now has just been diagnosed with bacterial tonsillitis last night in A&E and given yet another course of antibiotics. This has been happening since Oct when she turned 1. This is the third course of antibiotics this winter, previous 2 being chest infection and ear infection in both ears. In between she had terrible colds.

We are going to classes and play groups a lot, well in between her illnesses, and all the time I see these sick children with bad coughs, runny nouses and sneezing around, AIBU to think that they should be kept home for their own sake and the sake of other children? Every time my DD gets better and we are out to play groups she catches something straight away. I’m all for building immunity and a bit of germs but this winter has been non-stop . We spent last night in A&e and today she is the most unwell she’s ever been, throwing up, not eating and unable to take her medication

It’s a pain but some kids just get sick more easily. My dd was constantly ill last year from November until about May. It was constant viral infections and sickness bugs. We had a couple of ambulance trips and hospital admissions and were late in getting vaccinations as he was too sick to get them. It was a nightmare.

I honestly think it’s just their age and the first time they’re exposed to so many different bugs, they just do t have the immunity to fight it off.

This year (touch wood) has been so much better. I think he’s built up some immunity now.

I agree with most pps here; a cough and a cold shouldn’t stop children attending groups. Nobody would leave the house for the entire winter. We go to groups unless ds is not happy in himself or has a temperature. If he’s been sick, we also stay away for 48 hours and don’t swim for a week.

Should say ds not dd

Unfortunately your only option may be to not take her and just do activities at home. If she gets a bad cold every time you take her to an activity, is it really worth it?

My DS had this, he had tonsillitis, pretty much every 2 months from when he was one until he had them out at 4, (they wanted to take them out at 2 and a half. He had it summer and winter regardless of whether any other dc had any coughs or colds. He never gave it to any other DC ie. he was the only DC who regularly got it.

He has been as healthy as an Ox ever since he had his tonsils out. My DD on the other hand never had tonsillitis but had to have her tonsils out at 7 because they were so enormous they were restricting her breathing.

I think your DS is just unlucky, sorry.

Is your OP saying that you should keep your DD away because she’s prone to bacterial infectios? If so, YANBU.

YABU if suggesting that DC with ordinary coughs and colds should be kept away.

I think this is a hump you need to get over and once her immune system is stronger she'll be able to fight off more. I suffered from repeated bouts of bacterial tonsillitis for years as a child. The more antibiotics I was given, the more cases I seemed to get. They are really reluctant to prescribe it now and I hardly ever get it as I've had to fight it off myself - maybe once your daughter's older she'll be the same.

DS1 had a permanently runny nose from 1-2 years, either from a cold or hayfever.
DS2 was a cougher because of asthma. They've rarely been properly poorly with fevers, sickness etc.

Thanks everyone.

To answer some of the questions, this is the first time she got tonsillitis, so not sure she’s prone to it. She only had a few minor colds until she turned , 1 then all this madeness started. She has a good diet, takes vitamin supplements daily and her hygiene is pretty good, perhaps too good. I just hope that this is just a phase she is going through and will help her build her immunity and just like one of the posters here, she will hopefully be a lot stronger when she’s older.

I just don’t know whether I should cut down on playgroups and activities, she loves them so much. Can’t bear to see her sick anymore.

Two things which might help are

1. play with just one or two or three children rather than in a big group. The more kids there are, the worse the chances are that somebody will pass something to her.

1. Play outdoors. Little kids are very touchy and also like to put hands etc in their mouths. When they are crowded together indoors, germs spread like crazy. Outdoors there is more space, they don't breathe on each other so much, and they don't touch each other so much.

I've know a few parents whose children had chronic conditions which tended to land them in hospital every time they caught anything, and reducing exposure to large groups of young children indoors was their priority.

@saracen

That sounds very sensible.

In my experience (admittedly limited to my own children) the first winter when they are properly interacting with other children is one that is full of colds, viruses and bugs but then they do become much more robust. As they get older, they really do need to get out and do something most days and distraction is a great painkiller for them - hence the fact so many toddlers with colds are at playgroups.

I think that really ill children should stay away but I disagree about a cold being enough to stay home.

Yabu, colds don't mean stay at home. I have a dd similar to yours, but I can't blame other parents that she seems to be unlucky

Op you do know bacterial tonsillitis is not contagious don’t you?

This is totally normal. Once the child starts creche/playgroup/regular contact with other children they'll be sick about 6 times in the first year.

I work with kids. If you stop contact with other kids you'll just delay the year of sickness until then.

After that year their immune system will be pretty good in most cases.

I agree. I hate seeing kids with thick green snot running down their faces or gunky infected eyes, spreading their germs at toddler groups. Fair enough if it's just a mild cold with a bit of sneezing/coughing, but not a bad one.
If they're leaking snot uncontrollably keep them home, it gets all over the toys.

Same if your child has crusty sores on their face (active chicken pox/impetigo/cold sore) keep them away from other kids until it clears up!

@OneStepSideways that’s what I’m talking about. I sometimes see these children with green snot all over their faces and hands that gets wiped on the toys and books, usually accompanied by parents who don’t seem to mind and who don’t even bother wiping their noses and hands. I really don’t understand that.

It's unfortunate your daughter is recurrently so poorly, and I hope she gets better soon.

However, there comes an age (about that age actually) when if you said toddlers shouldn't go anywhere when ill, you wouldn't leave the house for two or three years.

As an aside, my DD at 15 months used to get nasty chest infections at the drop of a hat, around 4 she spontaneously grew out of it and has hardly been ill since (now 7).

It is SO usual for toddlers of this age to get recurrent infections. Of course it’s not nice for you but really, it’s life. Often as PP have said, it changes again when they are past 2 & they might be strong as an ox.

As an aside, children with healthy diets do NOT need vitamin supplements and they have no demonstrable effect in preventing illness.

OP PLEASE try optibac probiotics for children. My ds kept getting tonsillitis and other infections requiring back to back antibiotics. I think the probiotics have definitely helped, sickness episodes are much less frequent now. Pricey but so worth it.

@EarringsandLipstick

Vitamin D supplement is needed esp in winter

@Confuzzled19 thank you, I’ll try that. Never heard of them before.

"Very sick children"
Are you actually this much up your own arse?
These are normal coughs and colds ALL children get
I am being very precious but I thought when I saw a thread about "sick" children it would be about those like my child, and many others, with low immune systems, and how to keep them safe.
Not to save a child from the fucking sniffles

Yabu

We have immunisations now for all the bad illnesses. So I don't think children going out and about with a cold or cough is any cause for concern. Perhaps years ago before immunisations but nowadays just relax

And it sounds like your dd has a poor immune system. Most dc do not need antibiotics and are not commonly prescribed for young dc. So I don't think you should blame all the other parents and children. It is just bad luck. Similar to how some dc are unlucky and have asthma, anaphylaxis, diabetes etc.

My dd now 10 didn't have an antibiotic until she was 2 when she had a chest infection. She hasn't needed one since.

My ds now 7 had his first antib when he was 3 months old. He has asthma, diagnosed when he was 1. It felt like he was aways sick. He had the usual cough and colds. I didn't stop going to play groups though.. thankfully now he rarely even gets the common cold!