To revert to babying my DD sometimes?

[RainbowStripe]

She’s 3, and tells me regularly she’s a grown up girl now. I am separated from her dad and I find when she comes back from contact with him she’ll say she’s a baby, she’s clingy wants to be rocked to sleep, needs a baby book (like one of the That’s Not My books) at bedtime, and tends to sneak into my bed in the early hours of the morning (she was breastfed so I would dream feed her in the early hours by moving her from her cot into my bed).

So I do it. I wrap her in a blanket (she used to be swaddled between feeds as a baby) and sit rocking her until she’s asleep, I read her the story she wants, and let her co-sleep. She sometimes asks for a bottle, and I give her a Sippy cup with milk in.

It’s just me and her (and a cat) since my husband left. And I feel that if she needs that comfort then why not?

I told a friend with a similar aged DC and she said she’d not do it, she says DD needs to learn she’s a big girl now and that it’s behaviour of a baby. She’s also a single parent, so wondering if I’m setting my DD up for future problems.

It’s not every night, it’s literally the night she’s had tea with her dad and then the night she comes home after being overnight, so at most twice a week. I don’t think her dads harming her in anyway, I just think because he literally sees her twice a week and nothing else she is clinging onto me in the only way she can in the hope I don’t disappear too (I do everything else alone)

AIBU or do I need to stop treating DD like a baby?

Aww sounds like its exactly what you should do. It must be wonderful for you both. I miss the blanket cuddles.

My 10yo DD will still have a blanket snuggle if she is upset (hormonal I think) and my 8yo DS has a soft side that he will only show me. I get a proper cuddle once a week when his big sister is at an after school activity.

They are only little for such a short time so take all the cuddles you can!

3 isn't a big girl! She's still so tiny.

My 7 year old still asks to be held like a baby when she's upset. She's getting a bit big for it now (pyhsically) but it's still lovely that she comes to us for comfort.

It's loving and affection. You'll miss it when she stops. Enjoy it while you can op they grow up so quick

She is only 3 OP, enjoy that stuff while she is little. Nothing wrong with it at all.

Aww OP I think that’s truly lovely and just pure love from her mummy. Three is NOT too old for cuddles, milk, stories (whatever they may be, whatever vessel she’s drinking from). Yes she’s a big girl as in can feed herself & might be potty trained but she really is still a baby and the love you’re giving her is what she wants and needs. Don’t even question it. Tween/teen years will come so quickly and this is just a snippet of time while she’s so little, give her all that love.

Never compare your parenting to others. It’s easier said than done but if you can adopt that way of thinking now you’ll be much happier in the long run. When they’re at school and all the show-offy bragging or whatever, if I allowed it in my head I would be constantly questioning what the hell I am doing and it would suck out all the pleasure and living in the ‘now’, so I chose not to.

I know another mum who announced to her 5 year old one night that he was too old for bedtime stories and told him to watch YouTube. How heartbreaking is that. Children are children for a blink.

You sound like a wonderful mummy.

OP. After XH left, DD often slept with me and at one point it was every night. It is due to insecurity and anxiety. Everyone told me, don’t worry she won’t still be there when she’s 15 .

It didn’t worry me, she needed the security. She was back in her own room full time by age 9. I didn’t have a partner so didn’t bother me.

Never stop the snuggle! its what makes life as far as I'm concerned

Wait until your the one chasing your child around desperate for one while they say 'mumma no! I want to go and make pom poms for my barbies!'

Cuddle as much as humanly possible

You sound like a really lovely mummy it goes so fast, enjoy every moment.

I thought this was going to be about a teenager - and even teenagers need babied sometimes. Your dad is moving between two homes, of course she needs reassurance. And even if she wasn't it's totally fine what you are doing, you are meeting your child's needs. Don't compare yourself to your friend, children are different and parents are different, so as long as you and your dad are happy then keep hugging her for as long as she needs it.

My 12 year old DD will sneak in to bed with us if she needs to - maybe once every couple of months these days

Ignore, your judgmental friend. In fact if she ignores her children's needs she may be the one storing up problems for the future.

I still baby my 11yo DS at times! Sometimes he wants to sit on my lap and have his teeth brushed, sometimes he wants me to do his suncream for him, sometimes he wants to crawl into my lap and hide from the world in a big snuggle. There's nothing wrong with it - he's perfectly self sufficient most of the time, but 11 is still a child and when the world seems big and scary and overwhelming, sometimes it's good to be reassured.

At 3 your DD is only a toddler, barely out of babyhood. She has years ahead of her to be grown up, adult and cope - why force it on her any time sooner?

This is the best bit about being a single parent- you can decide what's best and there's no-one to undermine you. You don't need our approval either (but you obviously have it ).

Aww, I have almost 4 and 5 year old girls, and they both like to be babyed at times! They sleep in our bed sometimes, read baby books, ask to be carried, are spoon fed occasionally etc. I think it's totally fine! I'll feel quite sad when they don't.

I opened this thread thinking your were going to say she was 18 or something.

I know a couple of other children who regress when returning from contact.

I also have a 15 year old who has just curled up against me for a cuddle after having a tough day at school and not seen me for 36 hours.

I know there are some people who think that the way to make children resilient is to push them away and force them to act more maturely. They're wrong. Children thrive most when given the love and affection they need, when they need it right through childhood and teenage.

Thank you everyone, needed that reassurance.

She's generally a happy child, and pretty independent. She runs into Nursery without a backwards glance so I know it won't be forever.

I do love our snuggles.

That sounds so lovely and sweet and I would do the same without thinking twice what anyone else thought about it.

She’s not a big girl, she’s 3. You’re doing just great x

I think it sounds lovely, you're providing your DD with what she needs. As other posters have said, even as a 33 year old adult I still want and need a cuddle from my Mum or Dad sometimes.

Aw gorgeous. My super independent nearly 7 year old still likes to be picked up for a cuddle, I'm making the most of it while I can still lift her it lasts.

Your thread has made me miss my late mum. I need a hug and would love to babied occasionally. I am 38.

You’re doing the right thing.

My 8 year old is a bit anxious at the minute - she’s reverted to wanting me to read Julia Donaldson books at bedtime and has been appearing in our bed sometimes too.

You're perfectly fine.

My mum still does this. And we actually live it. My sister and I are 36 and 34 respectively.

That's sounds lovely!

My dd is 7 and climbs into my bed after sleeping at her dads - she also wants me to hold her hand like I did when she was a baby and cuddles her baby comfort teddy while she sleeps.

If it makes them happy - why not?

Meh, I thought you’d say she’s 27... my “baby” is 8 yo - very independent at school, among friends, at home but she’s promised me she’ll be always my baby even when she’s 35.