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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I really in the wrong?

36 replies

whitechocolatespaceegg · 07/02/2019 17:36

My husband finished work early today so we did the school run together. DS2 had an after school club so I went to pick him up with DS1 leaving DD1 (8 months) with husband in the car. Waited for club to finish then for DS2 to get ready, chatting to one of the mums (who is a teacher; I am a parent governor) about going in to help with the reading. We were about 10 minutes. Walking across the playground, my husband beeps the car horn at me shouting at us to hurry up. When I get to the car, DD is crying in her car seat. Husband has a go at me for taking so long as she was crying. Apparently it was 'obvious' that this might happen as 'she is a baby.' He didn't think to get her out of the car seat and try and settle her because he thinks that always makes her cry more.
He then drove really quickly home ranting at me and other drivers. He wouldn't pull over for 5 minutes so I could calm her as the DSs had another club to get to although there was plenty of time.
AIBU to think that it was only 10 minutes and he could've done more to help her. I'm sure that him being wound up in the car didn't help either. He thinks I should apologise for taking so long. I can't remember the last time he changed a nappy, I think it would've been before Xmas. He has looked after her a handful of times, if I'm having a nap, when I went to the shop and the longest when I had a dental appointment.

OP posts:
DeloresJaneUmbridge · 07/02/2019 17:39

No not in the wrong at all. He sounds an impatient idiot as my hubby can be at times. My hubby has never been as unreasonable as this though.

Is this unusual for him?

primoestate · 07/02/2019 17:40

Nasty bastard.
Your future is bleak with an arsehole like that.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/02/2019 17:45

He’s a dick for not seeing to her that’s for sure. Does she have a dummy or a bottle he could have given her? Maybe you were more than 10 mins? Sometimes time runs away with itself when you’re chatting and sorting kids out, but that’s said he shouldn’t have reacted like that.

Fiona0x · 07/02/2019 17:47

Wow, what a knob. It sounds like you're out of his league

Original poster
whitechocolatespaceegg · 07/02/2019 17:47

Thanks for your responses. DS1 was quite upset when we got home too. DH is very impatient. He picked up DS2 from the after school club last week and went in to the class to pick him up rather than waiting for him outside. I should have done the same and wasn't thinking of others. This is what he was saying to me on the way home.

OP posts:
Original poster
whitechocolatespaceegg · 07/02/2019 17:48

No dummies or bottles. We've not used them at all with our 3 children.
It may have been more than 10 minutes, but definitely no more than 15.

OP posts:
33goingon64 · 07/02/2019 17:50

Of course you're not BU. He's her parent, he should be able to cope and has no right to be angry with you for taking a very short time to carry out a task. You're entitled to take a longer break from your baby than that, never mind that you were also doing something really worthwhile with that time. You should feel you can have regular time out from being the one who does everything otherwise you'll go mad.

EKGEMS · 07/02/2019 17:52

No you are not in the wrong there-he's exactly how my own father behaved who was an angry narcissist and a bully. I'm very concerned he drove like a maniac and refused to soothe your daughter. Not acceptable-it's time for an ultimatum for your children's' safety and mental health

Iggly · 07/02/2019 17:56

He’s got very little patience for normal things. Babies cry, you soothe them. Sometimes you have to wait for kids to come out of school.

Does he expect the whole world to jump to his beat?

GnomeDePlume · 07/02/2019 18:03

So his solution to a crying baby was to beep the horn and drive angrily.

I would hate to see what his response to a real crisis would be. 'Oh no, there's a fire, quick put petrol on it!'

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 07/02/2019 18:04

Tell him to step up and be a father to his upset child, and use his pea sized brain!

Original poster
whitechocolatespaceegg · 07/02/2019 18:04

He's sent me a text apologising for rowing with me.

OP posts:
Wintersnowdrop · 07/02/2019 18:06

Why didn’t he get the baby out of the car seat and go for a little walk to find you?!! He sounds like a complete knob.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/02/2019 18:06

I'd imagine 15 minutes in a car with a crying baby felt like a loooooong time

Still no need to be such a knob about it though

humblesims · 07/02/2019 18:11

He's sent me a text apologising for rowing with me
aw thats sweet.
Still a twat.

Geminijes · 07/02/2019 18:15

He does sound impatient but maybe he thought you were talking and not in any hurry to return to the car hence the beeping. Your daughter crying probably added to his impatience in waiting for you.
If he hadn't beeped and shouted would you have talked to the teacher for longer?

Stinkytoe · 07/02/2019 18:19

I think it was unreasonable to leave an 8 month old in her car seat for, what 15 mins? She was bound to get cranky and I wouldn’t have got her out either in the hope you wouldn’t be taking your time about coming back. I think that was unfair on your part to your daughter, not your husband. That being said husband was also unreasonable getting so grumpy about it.

FairyMoppings · 07/02/2019 18:19

Ffs

Why have you haf 3 kids with a man who has no idea how to parent?

You need to force more parental responsibilities on him. He's behaved like this like a twat because he lacks experience.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 07/02/2019 18:41

Stinky are you for real? Shock

Stinkytoe · 07/02/2019 18:45

Yes, my daughters hate their car seats. If I left them in them for 10 mins just sitting in the car I know they’d be distraught. I wouldn’t fanny around chatting with people knowing that they might be upset and I wouldn’t expect my husband to unbuckle them and stand around in the cold trying to console them when I could be back any minute.

Dieu · 07/02/2019 18:47

My ex husband would have been like this, OP Thanks
Playing the blame game was a speciality of his (plus he was easily stressed out to fuck).

Original poster
whitechocolatespaceegg · 07/02/2019 18:48

@Geminijes he needed the horn whilst I was walking towards the car so it didn't make any difference.
@stinkytoes I didn't know she was crying but yes it was unreasonable to leave her in the car seat doing so, which was part of my post?!

OP posts:
RedSkyLastNight · 07/02/2019 18:48

Not sure why you all needed to go anyway. Wouldn't it have been so simpler for one parent to pick up and the other to stay at home with the other DC?

Stinkytoe · 07/02/2019 18:51

I don’t think you understand my point, you were in the wrong to leave your child in the car crying. It’s not unreasonable to assume she would cry and it wasn’t unreasonable of your husband to expect you to not take so long and therefore not want to get her out for all of 2 minutes.

Your husband was a dick but you should take more care about your choices, you didn’t all have to go out. Your poor little DD could’ve stayed home.

MostlyBoastly · 07/02/2019 18:53

He needs to strategise better. He’s aware of his short-fuse and needs to plan well. Why didn’t he go to get your other child?