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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I really in the wrong?

36 replies

whitechocolatespaceegg · 07/02/2019 17:36

My husband finished work early today so we did the school run together. DS2 had an after school club so I went to pick him up with DS1 leaving DD1 (8 months) with husband in the car. Waited for club to finish then for DS2 to get ready, chatting to one of the mums (who is a teacher; I am a parent governor) about going in to help with the reading. We were about 10 minutes. Walking across the playground, my husband beeps the car horn at me shouting at us to hurry up. When I get to the car, DD is crying in her car seat. Husband has a go at me for taking so long as she was crying. Apparently it was 'obvious' that this might happen as 'she is a baby.' He didn't think to get her out of the car seat and try and settle her because he thinks that always makes her cry more.
He then drove really quickly home ranting at me and other drivers. He wouldn't pull over for 5 minutes so I could calm her as the DSs had another club to get to although there was plenty of time.
AIBU to think that it was only 10 minutes and he could've done more to help her. I'm sure that him being wound up in the car didn't help either. He thinks I should apologise for taking so long. I can't remember the last time he changed a nappy, I think it would've been before Xmas. He has looked after her a handful of times, if I'm having a nap, when I went to the shop and the longest when I had a dental appointment.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2019 18:53

Tell him how absolutely pathetic it is that he can't figure out how to deal with his own child for ten fucking minutes. Then he has the nerve to abuse you because of how stupid and useless he is. Both he and his "apology" can fuck off.

FairyMoppings · 07/02/2019 19:26

"Your poor little DD"
Don't be so pathetic Stinky
10 mins sat in a car seat in a stationary vehicle isn't going to harm the baby fgs. Her father could've easily consoled her while mum was away for just 10 mins. He is equally a parent and equally responsible for her care.

"Out in the cold"
Again, if adequately dressed, this is another pathetic OTT reaction. Not to mention OPs DH could've settled the baby IN the warmth of the car if his body temperature and the baby's clothing was insufficient.

Mollycoddlying kids from the get-go will do them no good. If it was -10°C and the baby was dressed in just a nappy I'd be with you. But come on, you're being ludicrous.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 07/02/2019 19:27

So there you have it OP. According to Stinky you should take more care of your choices because clearly having a husband being a dick is all your fault.

Original poster

whitechocolatespaceegg · 07/02/2019 19:34

My husband isn't bothered by the cold at all. He happily shovels snow in t shirt and trousers. Wears shorts most of the year and rarely a coat. DD had warm clothes in the car and a blanket.
We all went because the boys like it. We live about 2 miles from the school. DD doesn't mind being in her car seat at all.
I took that as a non apology as he said he was sorry for rowing with me which isn't an apology for the way he spoke to me as a row implies an interaction.

OP posts:

Lizzie48 · 07/02/2019 20:12

You were definitely not in the wrong. Your DH could have soothed your DD himself, he's her dad after all so he should act like one. I gather that he hasn't changed her nappy at all this year? He really isn't doing enough and is expecting you to do everything.

SteelRiver · 07/02/2019 20:22

I wonder if your husband's impatience might have been picked up on by your daughter, OP, and this is what started
her crying.

I don't think you did anything wrong. Parenting isn't solely your responsibility. I hope you get a proper apology from your husband and that he starts to step up as a proper dad to the kids.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 07/02/2019 20:27

I know a man who beeps the horn at his wife any time she doesn’t dance to his schedule the instant he decides she should. It’s not a pleasant life for her. She’s currently going through chemo and supportive he is not. He’s a bastard really.

No idea what planet stinky is on.

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/02/2019 20:34

WTF..

He's a dick.

He could have decided to stay home with her, he could have asked you to take her with you, he could have got her out and come to find you, he could have got her out and amused her, instead he sat in the car beeping the horn...

Dick.

MidniteScribbler · 07/02/2019 20:37

I assume this bloke must be a fantastic lay, because he doesn't seem to have any other redeeming qualities.

2019Dancerz · 07/02/2019 20:42

I’d be so bored sitting in a car for 15 mins, and if I wasn’t the one with the boobs I’d find the baby hard going too - but I wouldn’t behave like a twat afterwards. If he’s hardly ever had his dd alone he won’t be great at soothing her. That’s his fault but it’s always yours if you never leave the two of them alone together. You can make some time for yourself away from the baby (even time to spend with your other dc) - if he isn’t willing to facilitate this then you’ve got bigger problems.

letsdolunch321 · 07/02/2019 20:53

Has he not got any common sense?!?!

Stupid idiot.

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