To ask what your DH does?

[UnlikelyFinancialGuru]

Not by way of career, but in terms of childcare.

I am on Maternity leave and we have one child, aged 8.5 months.

Monday to Friday he’s my responsibility, obviously, since I’m off work to care for him. I very much enjoy this role and have a reasonably full week seeing other mums locally.

Every evening I cook all dinners for the baby and my DH and I. I do all the laundry and keep the house tidy, except for 1-2 loads per week that DH will hang up when asked.

Baby goes down from 7-7 each night but usually wakes 3-4 times each evening. I do all wake ups past 10pm through the night.

In the morning we’re up at 7 to start the morning routine despite DH WFH 4 days per week.

On the weekend DH plays golf on either the Saturday or Sunday. Usually leaving the house at 10am and arriving home at about 5/6pm. On these days I will do all naps / feeds / bath etc.

DS eats meals but doesn’t take a bottle (), so is solely BF.

Having asked DH to be a bit more present I have been informed that he already “does more than most dads”, which feels like a total load of bollocks to me.

But perhaps I am wrong? Tell me, what does your DH do to care for your kids and family? How many hours of dicking around time do they have? AIBU to want DH to want to hang out with us more?

Doesn't really sound like he's being an active Dad I'm afraid.

My DS is 18mo. OH is currently on backshift from 3pm -11.30pm. Our routine goes like this:

7am - DS wakes up. OH takes him downstairs, feeds him, gives water. Puts a film on and tries not to fall asleep.

9am - I get up. Get washed, changed and ready for the day. Then OH goes upstairs to nap and catch up (were big sleepers in this house).
Play time.
Few bits and bobs of laundry on. Or dishwasher.

11am - nap time. We all go up to nap 😂 but I feed DS to sleep so this involves me staying with him for a while anyway.

1.30pm - wake up. Lunch cooked/assembled by me. OH will quite often feed him if I need to do something in the house. Usually sort his foodbox for him to take to work.

3pm - OH gone to work. Snack time.

4pm - start chores.

5.30pm - cook dinner.

6pm - eat dinner

7.30pm - bath

8pm - bed and numerous wake ups dealt with by me.

I'm quite happy to take on most of the load to be honest. Just as long as I get a bit of time out to meet people or time to myself. And as long as I get a lie-in in the mornings. OH is more than happy to help with anything and says so multiple times during the week. Can't fault him.
On weekends we really like our family time so we'll go to OH's parents or have my parents over. We like going for walks together or to the park. Weekends are pretty sacred even though he works Saturday mornings.

The important thing is finding the right balance for both of you. Obviously this is not working for you so your OH should be stepping up to help you. This is a team work thing. Communicate. If he still doesn't help you after you've spoken to him, then he's an arse and needs a lesson in how hard you work.

Dh is the main breadwinner. 4 days a week he is out of the house 7am -7pm.

1 day a week he works from home and does the school runs.

Every day he gets up early and makes everyone's packed lunch and packs ghe dishwasher.

From 7-9pm he does household chores (did bedtime when they were little).

We share taking time off to cover sick days and school hols.

At weekends all childcare/household stuff is shared.

The only negative thing I will say is that the entire mental load for house and children is mine.

For the first year DH took 2 days a week parental leave. On those days he acted as primary carer. When he went back full time he just kind of did the same at the weekends. He wanted to spend the time with DS. He wanted to have the same bond with him as I did.

(We're not in the UK so had a lot more flexibility about parental leave)

Sorry for the delay in responding, but I have been reading all of these. It’s eye opening to see how others work it (particularly to see that there’s a Dad who doesn’t even live with his DC but sees them every day!).

Conversation (AKA burning golf shoes) to happen this weekend.