Couples who both work FT - tell me your secrets!

[ohthursday]

DC is not even that young but my god, life feels like a never ending struggle.

The house is constantly messy (clean, we have a cleaner), but messy.

My car has needed screen wash since Monday but I haven't had a chance to get any between work and then rushing back for DC.

I seem to be constantly on the back foot with remembering to send birthday cards, keeping up with replying to texts, firefighting finances, has the DC remembered their homework, blah blah. Dinner times are almost always a case of opening the freezer and seeing what's easy to cook.

Honestly I feel like I'm on the edge of collapse and come the weekend I'm declining invitations as I don't want to be doing anything bar being at home.

Is this normal or am I somehow making this too hard?! Tell me how you juggle everything, PLEASE.

Dc eat at childcare. We only feed them cereal or toast weekday evenings. Obviously all meals and snacks at weekends.

Top up screen wash etc on arrival at work or just before I leave work.

Dinners midweek are just dh and I so we make quick meals (cous cous, bit of salmon etc).

Enough clothes and uniform to last all week then we do laundry at weekends.

No cleaner so we do cleaning at weekend and a 20min evening tidy daily.

Food shop is done online in my lunchbreak and click and collected as I pass the supermarket that evening.

I'm a fan of work and school and home being really close together and in easy cycling or walking distance.

Meal planning and batch cooking, get your groceries and everything else delivered.
Dry cleaning and ironing collection service.

Haircuts and beauty appointments at home.

Spend 15 mins each day on laundry.

Have a planning session every week with DH to sort out your meal planning and what needs doing that week.

Get your kids pulling their weight.

Honestly it just is hectic. Getting small children home at 6pm when they’re really tired and squeezing dinner etc around that is knackering and overwhelming at certain times. I’ve got family who’ve never tried both parents working ft and they have zero understanding of why we aren’t always on the ball with birthdays, presents etc.

I find it is hard. DH and I work full time, toddlers twins who arent in nursery yet, very lucky in that 1) we have family who take them during the week and 2) I recently switched jobs to somewhere I can self roster to lessen the days together during the week. DH can work from home sometimes also if we're struggling for childcare.

Our house is messy all the time. Just all time. We badly need to decorate but we just don't have time and it feels pointless when the house is just so cluttered. I say house, we live in a flat which we have massively outgrown and are saving for a deposit. Should be able to move in around 2 years which is just so so so far away when we have absolutely no space.

Meals wise I do breakfast and dinners, DH does the teas. We have a lot of frozen food and the same stuff all the time, have tried meal planning and cooking from scratch but it's just not something we can keep up.

No advice whatsoever but hand holding as we're the same!

Actually the one thing that keeps me semi sane is my bullet journal. I don't have a fancy arty one, it's purely the original method and I use it to mark down my daily to dos. Helps me clearly see what needs done and what I'm not achieving/struggling with so helps me to find solutions. I have all birthdays/anniversaries etc at the front which I check at the beginning of the month and I have a monthly to go list for stuff that needs done that month but not on a particular day.

Most couples I know both work full time. I only know two people IRL who have cleaners, neither are in couples. You just get on with it, don't you? I'm more tired than I'd like, my house is much messier than I'd prefer, I have less time with the dc than I'd like, I have no real 'me' time, weekends are very busy and full of rushing around doing food shopping, laundry, cleaning etc, banking etc is done on my phone on my commute to and from work, but that's just life. I'd rather be in this position than when I was unemployed- I had plenty of time then but no fucking money and was crying over the post because I couldn't pay all the bills. When I am feeling overwhelmed by the life I have now, I remind myself that it is far better than the life we had when we were broke and looking for work.

(Re your screenwash, when you get home, get your DC to get in the car and go and get some together).

It's not my experience. Things I've done:

1. after school club, they do dinner, so I'm only cooking for DH and I (I'm happily the cook, DH clears up after) obviously need for childcare but the dinner helps! Family sit down dinners Friday-Sunday, proper home cooked stuff.
2. DH and I both do all the tidying, laundry etc , as we are out 5 days a week it just doesn't get that messy tbh. We had a cleaner for a while but they changed jobs and we haven't replaced them as of yet, we seem to be managing although DH does a bit more than me as he knows I'd just rehire a cleaner happily and he'd rather save the money ha.
3. I have utilised flexible working as best I can, I go in after school drop off, DH picks them up so I can make up the time. I work from home one day a week which mentally gives me a quiet day at home without kids or employees nagging me! I can chuck a load of washing in too.
4. I meal plan and online shop, I haven't regularly shopped in store since 2011...! Absolute god send. I work in a city centre so will run errands in my lunch break if I need to, work the time back.
5. I am very organised, everything noted on calendars, spreadsheets, plan as much as I can in advance (not always easy with my husband's work) as mentioned meal plan etc. Think about Christmas, holidays and birthdays months in advance, especially to plan financially.
6. breakfast: over night oats, best thing ever, healthy, easy to change up, kids grab them when they get up at a stupid hour so I'm not dragged out the shower or whatever!
7. I do not do packed lunches under any circumstances, school dinners all the way! I have also started buying my own lunches, it gets me out the office, yes it costs me a bit more than home made but tastes better that what I pre make and the time saved is more valuable IMO!
8. audio books on the commute to work, 1/2 hour to myself, love a crime novel, I don't have as much time to read now so this means I still "read" 2 books a month.
9. make time for myself: yoga class once a week, quiet bath once a week, DH and I get 1-2 nights out a month together, DS1 is in his bedroom by 8 to read before going to sleep (DC2 younger therefore bed earlier anyway)

This is thrown in the air a bit when my husband works away, but having a DH who does his fair share (and frankly more sometimes!) is absolutely pivotal. Giving myself head space so I don't feel like a mad woman running around everyone else is also really important. Weekends and school holidays are family time, if we both chip in just 1-2 hours each with house stuff the rest is for family time.

Having taken on the "joy" of being class parent this year as well, I can relate!

1. Flex time work schedule. I work 7:30 - 4, which lets me do the school drop off and get to the office with an hour before anyone else shows up -- often the most productive hour of my day. I do the school run in the afternoon too and bring the DC to the office for an hour while I finish up. They get their homework done just about by the point when I am ready to go.
2. Meal planning and online shopping. I did do a meal kit delivery service which was nice (I love cooking) but it generates so much packaging waste, so it's back to having meals planned. i try to shoot for 5 "cooked" meals and 2 "freezer-to-oven" meals like lasagne, etc. for nights when I can't be bothered. One of my DC gets school dinners and one does not, and they both need to bring a snack as well, so all of that gets packed the night before (and yes, I do tend to pick up a lot of "pre-pack" nonsense to make my life easier.)
3. Cleaner. I love mine and it keeps me from needing to spend time deep cleaning. We do the basic tidying and keeping surfaces clear (lots and lots of baskets to hide the mess!) and she comes in and does a deep clean for us.
4. Project management software we use Trello at work, and I have my own "Home" board with my to-do lists on there. I use spreadsheets to track the household expenses and savings sometimes things get a bit behind but at least it's all written down somewhere!

I’m on maternity leave at the minute but will be going back to FT in 3 months.
Online grocery shopping is a god send! My commute to work is 30 minutes by bus so on a Monday I will do an asda online order to be delivered on a Thursday evening which means if I’ve forgotten something I can just add to the order. As soon as anything is half empty- shampoo, screen wash, washing up liquid I either add to the order or chuck it in the basket ready for the next order that way there’s never a oh shit moment.
At the start of each month me and dp sit down together and run through what we need to do in the month ahead and divide jobs equally. This month the car and home insurance are due so I will sort out shopping around and renewals. Dd needs some new school shoes dp will sort them out. Work out who’s doing the school runs, if dd has any after school activities, social stuff etc. It’s all put on a calendar that we both check every morning without fail.
I have a present cupboard which we keep stocked with wrapping paper, cards and random presents. Especially helpful when dd is invited to kids parties.
I order things online and I’m incredibly lucky that my dad is retired and doesn’t mind me getting things delivered to his house so I don’t need to worry about being in for deliveries.
We tidy as we go so the place is never really messy. Bathroom and kitchen are wiped down daily. Because everything is put away where it belongs a proper clean of the whole house takes a max of 2 hours. If we have a weekend at home I’ll just blitz the place right through. If not I’ll spend 20 minutes per room as when I get a chance.
We make sure we each do our equal share, and that we trust each other do what we said we will.