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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inviting someone else on holiday

94 replies

Carbosug · 07/02/2019 07:51

I've arranged to go abroad with a friend of mine for a few days over. Easter. The plan was to have some time on our own to catch up without family etc. She's now invited another friend of hers that I've never even met, saying she knows we'll really get along and friend has been a bit down lately.

AIBU to be really annoyed and feel she had no right to do this without consulting me?

OP posts:

Mitzimaybe · 07/02/2019 12:51

Tell your friend that she needs to either tell her other friend no, she can't come, or else she needs to refund your deposit. One or the other, her choice.

OVienna · 07/02/2019 13:00

We had friends that did this, pre-kids. They invited a couple with a child. The thinking was because we were planning to have kids eventually ourselves (they were not) we "liked kids so much" having other people's children on what might have been one of our last child-free holidays was something we'd welcome.

It was almost like a PA move - "I'm angry you're not planning to stay child free like me, so I'm going to start punishing you now."

Lol. Woman of the couple mooted that I come down and help look after the child. Spent quite a while blowing my hair dry that day.

MrsJane · 07/02/2019 13:00

Your friend is out of order but it's shame that you'll miss out on a holiday and potentially lose your deposit though.

Could you maybe invite another friend so there's four of you to make it a bit more of an even playing field?

WarpedGalaxy · 07/02/2019 13:27

Can’t say I blame you for pulling out, it’s one reason I never go on a ‘girls’ trip anymore with one friend. Friend always has this other friend in tow. ‘Oh she’s down, needs a break, she really wants to come.’ Fine, you go with her alone because I’m not putting myself through her neediness and jealousy and her not being able to get up before fucking midday and getting butthurt if we so much as go down to the hotel lounge for a coffee while we wait for her to wake up. ‘You went without meeee!’
Oh and the whispering in friend’s ear. Even 12 year olds know it fucking rude to whisper in someone’s ear when there’s someone else right fucking there. No, I don’t care what you’re saying but if you have something private to say then wait until you’re in private. She’s a nightmare!

Oops, sorry to “merail”, OP, I think I just needed to get this out. Bottom line: don’t be me, just don’t go!

Rafflesway · 07/02/2019 16:43

Has the "Random" friend actually booked yet, OP?

Important you find out ASAP as, if she hasn't, your friend needs to do a name change, random needs to pay the amendment fee and refund your deposit as she will in effect be using it so needs to pay you back.

If she has already booked then unless your friend feels very guilty and generous you will lose your deposit which I would REALLY take her to town over. . Why should you be out of pocket because of friend's thoughtless, rude actions?

Consolidatedyourloins · 07/02/2019 18:47

You shouldn't lose your deposit as it's friend who has changed terms.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 07/02/2019 18:58

Read your update OP. You definitely shouldn't lose your deposit so as your friend changed the terms of the holiday, she can ask her friend to refund you your deposit or she can do that herself and get her friend to pay her back. Either way you shouldn't be out of pocket due to her changing the terms of the holiday.

Best of luck!

Mummymummums · 07/02/2019 19:08

I would definitely pull out. Tbh (and I'm not trying to make this worse) I'm not buying your friends excuses. She wanted this other friend to come. If the friend repeatedly dropped hints she had time to run it past you first. But she didn't because she knew you'd say no and she wants the friend.
I'd re-examine the friendship and I would 100% bail (or invite a fourth person to hang out with as a PP suggested). But in truth I wouldn't want to go on holiday with someone I don't know. Also sounds like this other friend might prefer to have your friend to herself which could cause friction.

PrismGuile · 07/02/2019 19:35

It's annoying but I think she's just being a good friend if the other woman is struggling. Have an open mind and be generous

whiteroseredrose · 07/02/2019 20:09

I'd also cancel but I'm not very sociable!

Foraminutethere · 07/02/2019 20:12

I'm going against the grain and wouldn't be that bothered. If she's your friend and you trust her she will know who you would and wouldn't get along with.

Dimsumlosesum · 07/02/2019 21:13

And that was just a day out. Imagine a few days or a week like that. That would be my idea of hell

Oh god, yes.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 07/02/2019 21:34

I would cancel, even if the friend doesn’t come the friendship is already strained, even if it is just for the time being.

I think it unlikely she will offer to return your deposit and I don’t think the friendship will survive if you ask her to pay you instead.

I would lose the deposit and won’t go. If she doesn’t care enough if you go or not to try to sort this, you are not going to have a good time and it would cost more.

Yesicancancan · 07/02/2019 21:45

I would not go.
I realise that’s not your question therefore YANBU. At. All. Shitty friend.

showmewhatyougot · 08/02/2019 07:29

Lucky escape there! Now you scan book a nice treat for you!

Hittapotamus · 08/02/2019 10:52

Why can't the new friend pay the deposit you paid to you and you can walk away?

SamSpade · 08/02/2019 10:56

I think she just got a better offer, sorry.

Lemoneeza · 08/02/2019 11:05

some of my friends do this when we arrange to meet for dinner. annoys the fuck out of me.
well done for bowing out.

ChasedByBees · 09/02/2019 00:56

I’d be fairly pissed off too. Does this mean that you have to lose your deposit? Were you going to share a room? If not, I’d be tempted to go but leave them to it (but then I’m pretty antisocial and I’d enjoy that).

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