Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inviting someone else on holiday

94 replies

Carbosug · 07/02/2019 07:51

I've arranged to go abroad with a friend of mine for a few days over. Easter. The plan was to have some time on our own to catch up without family etc. She's now invited another friend of hers that I've never even met, saying she knows we'll really get along and friend has been a bit down lately.

AIBU to be really annoyed and feel she had no right to do this without consulting me?

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 07/02/2019 08:32

Agree with everyone else - this totallly changes the dynamic of the holiday and it was absolutely not on for her to not consult you. I would tell your friend how annoyed you are - its not like a tenner that is under consideration here. I am imagining a couple of hundred at least and something you were looking forward to. I have another suggestion - perhaps you could invite more people along turning it into a jolly group thing (or at least one other person - 3 is difficult). But you have every right to be pissed off. Is your friend usually this thoughtless?

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 07/02/2019 08:32

I'd pull out today and that would be the last holiday I planned with her. How to phrase it to her? 'It's lovely of you to think of your mate but unfortunately it just doesn't work for me so I've pulled out.' That was really rude of her. Can't stand people who do that.

Hospitaldramafamily · 07/02/2019 08:34

I'd say something like: I know you invited friend X with the best of intentions but it's going to change the dynamic of the holiday for me. I was looking forward to relaxing and catching up with you properly and getting to know someone new on holiday, however lovely, takes time and effort and it's not what I signed up for. I'm going to have to pull out now but hopefully friend X can take over my place and pay the deposit back to me. Hope you have a lovely time and we'll catch up again soon

Mmmhmmm · 07/02/2019 08:37

I'd cancel, that would just make me way too uncomfortable and it was very rude of your friend to do that.

shpoot · 07/02/2019 08:45

Oh it's not good. But as for pulling out, depends what the situation is on holiday. Will you be able to go off and do things? What's the sleeping arrangements etc.

I'd tell her I'm not happy though definitely

AuntieCJ · 07/02/2019 08:46

I think I'd pull out. You won't enjoy it anyway because you're peeved.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 07/02/2019 08:47

Hospital and Whatcha put it so much better!

When people do this without even asking the first person it's saying, 'Your company isn't good enough for me.'

cstaff · 07/02/2019 08:49

This happened me last year - there were meant to be six of us going on holiday together - a mixed group of couples and singles. I was sharing an apartment with a friend of mine. Just before we finalised the booking she started to see some guy and announced to me that her BF was coming also. I was seriously pissed off. Nothing to do with him personally - as it turned out he was a lovely guy, but instead of me and her sharing I ended up sharing with a couple.

She didn't understand when I told her I was pissed off - she just didn't get it. She said something like "well I couldn't go on hols without BF". Not the point - like you said, it changed the whole dynamics of the holiday. Thankfully there were enough people there for it not to ruin my holiday but I would not let it happen again.

londonrach · 07/02/2019 08:51

Wow. Your friend is being vv rude. Who does that. Pull out and tell her. Having another person changes the whole holiday. Yabu

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 07/02/2019 08:54

YANBU. That's rude

MissEliza · 07/02/2019 09:00

I hate people doing that even if it's on a night out never mind a holiday. Three really is a crowd. You need to tell your friend.

Juells · 07/02/2019 09:05

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend
Hospital and Whatcha put it so much better!

Actually, I thought your suggestion was the best - short, polite, and to the point. 'It's lovely of you to think of your mate but unfortunately it just doesn't work for me so I've pulled out.'

Handprints2018 · 07/02/2019 09:09

Its lovely to think of one friend but in doing she shafts another.

KeepCalm · 07/02/2019 09:14

You haven't said that the holiday is? That would influence it for me. It is a week in Benidorm or a 2 day cottage or 6wks travelling through Asia?

I love meeting new people and this poor wee wifey might be in a right state. BUT I also love my own space...... the circumstances would dictate my reply.

Some rather unforgiving people on this thread without all the facts.

Why not ask and get all the details before deciding to send a reply that could possibly change a friendship beyond repair?

cstaff · 07/02/2019 09:19

@keepcalm

But the friend didn't even ask - that is not on under any circumstance.

KeepCalm · 07/02/2019 09:26

@cstaff I'd still be asking the friend WHY she felt the need to invite her before asking a group of strangers on the Internet. Was she put in the spot. What are the circumstances regards this other friends 'being down'? Where is it that they're going and for how long? Etc

It's all in the details and yes, maybe she should have asked first BUT sometimes life and kindness without thoughts for consequences just happens.

Hospitaldramafamily · 07/02/2019 09:30

KeepCalm everyone is different. The OP has been clear this doesn't work for her. It's not unforgiving- it's not what she signed up for and it's okay to feel that way

anxiousbundle · 07/02/2019 09:31

I don't think it's that big of a deal tbh, you don't have to hang out with the friend if you don't want too- though I'm more of an introvert anyways so really enjoy being on my own! You never know, you might make a new friend :)

Can see how it would be awkward in the beginning though. She definitely should have asked you first.

cstaff · 07/02/2019 09:37

@keepcalm The OP said that the holiday was to have some time out to catch up. Having included another person (that the OP doesn't know) kind of defeats the whole purpose of this.

KeepCalm · 07/02/2019 09:37

@Hospitaldramafamily it's also not unforgivable

Gromance02 · 07/02/2019 09:39

Fuck that. I would definitely pull out and I'd tell the friend why.

Hospitaldramafamily · 07/02/2019 09:44

@KeepCalm no, not unforgivable but it's fine to pull out of the holiday now that it's going to be different. That's why I suggested the wording I did above; it's not burning bridges but it's standing up for herself and her own preferences. I wouldn't go under those circumstances

Original poster
Carbosug · 07/02/2019 09:44

The holiday is in Spain, a small village north of Barcelona. I texted my friend this morning and said I didn't feel comfortable with the change in plans. She's just been on the phone sounding awkward and saying her friend kept dropping hints and she felt pushed into it. I asked what else the friend is going to push us into when we're there and she started getting defensive and saying she's in an awkward position. At that stage I just said maybe it would be better if I just bailed out now rather than the two of us falling out over it and she said rather stiffly that if that's what I'd prefer that's fine with her.

I'm just really pissed off now.

OP posts:
Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 07/02/2019 09:47

Agree with the majority of posters - that is rude of your friend to do that , especially without consulting you. It will change the dynamics of the holiday. My daughter had a friend who did this several times (on days out, not holiday). After the last time, my daughter went completely NC.

Juells · 07/02/2019 09:49

I asked what else the friend is going to push us into when we're there

You're right. If someone hints and pushes enough to be invited on someone else's prearranged holiday she's hardly likely to be easygoing and respectful of your choices.