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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MILs can't all be difficult?

32 replies

JustOneShadeOfGrey · 06/02/2019 23:38

Back in the last century when I was getting married, my MIL wore a white skirt and blouse with a small fitted navy jacket. I didn't think too hard about it, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt but she also dressed my SIL in mostly white (SIL has Down Syndrome and at the mercy of her DM).

I was reading this earlier www.msn.com/en-gb/lifestyle/wedding/mother-in-law-slammed-for-disrespectful-wedding-outfit-she-hid-from-bride/ar-BBTeD7Z?ocid=spartanntp and it brought back that memory. But I'm not precious. I wasn't a bridezilla (I think!). But there were other times MIL was just too much! Like the time she "couldn't resist this bargain in your size" bought me a silk nightie and robe in a designer sale. I am very tall but back then I was a size 10. The chosen ensemble was size 18-20.

My DM, who designed and made my wedding dress, told me after the wedding that MIL chided her for not padding out the chest area.

But I have left the best til last. On return from our honeymoon, we were collected from the airport by FIL and stayed at their house (our own car was 50 miles away and it was very late). MIL had the electric blanket on for us in the spare room (it was July!). I switched it off but left it plugged in at the wall. When we woke up the following morning, we found the blanket had been unplugged from the wall, whereby revealing at some point either MIL or FIL had been in our room. Thankfully we were fully covered!!

Please tell me your MIL is/was also a challenge??

OP posts:

RupaulsGagRace · 06/02/2019 23:54

When we woke up the following morning, we found the blanket had been unplugged from the wall, whereby revealing at some point either MIL or FIL had been in our room.

What the actual fuck?! Maybe shes one of those voyeur pervs. Eeek. How vile!

Not my own mil as mine was a diamond and is no longer with us, by my friends mil would charge into their bedroom while her and her dh were out (they lived with the mil and fil for a year whilst their house was being built) and change their bedsheets even though she had expressly been told not to, and would then comment on how she spent the afternoon trying to get the stains out

RupaulsGagRace · 06/02/2019 23:58

Oh and one time the friends dh woke at night as something was irritating his back, pulled the sheets off that his mum had changed (once again without permission) and found some weird tarot cards and 'healing crystals' placed in a little organza bag underneath...

Mmmhmmm · 06/02/2019 23:59

My MIL slagged off our housekeeping days after I'd given birth and had emotionally fallen to pieces...she slagged us off to my own Mother. Twit. 🙄

GreenDinosaur · 07/02/2019 00:00

My MIL is awful, even DH can't stand her but he is an only child so has a duty to see her and do stuff for her. It is really dreadful but honestly, we are both looking forward to her dying.

I got on so well with my ex's mum and would love to have a good relationship with my MIL, it's a real shame.

GreenDinosaur · 07/02/2019 00:01

I just hope that my DS never feels that way about me.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 07/02/2019 00:03

I probably get on better with my common-law mil, than my own mum. Shes just very different.

When i was married, my issue was the gran of my then husband. O. M. G.

MissConductUS · 07/02/2019 00:05

I know this is almost heresy here, but my MIL has been lovely from day one. She has been consistently supportive, respectful and gracious to me.

I guess I won the lottery. Of course I did give her two fabulous grandchildren.

Georgie2445 · 07/02/2019 00:12

Gosh where to start ...
Controlling, overbearing and plays the victim when she doesn't get her own way! Oh and highly critical for the sake of it!

Most recently though, she failed to acknowledge a milestone birthday of mine. She hasn't acknowledged my birthday in 15 years actually so I don't know why I'm surprised however, I go to a lot of effort for every birthday of hers and we went to visit her the day after with my birthday cake in hand!! Shit hits the fan if someone doesn't remember her birthday! It's laughable... I just have to laugh or I'd lose seriously lose it.

Lizzie48 · 07/02/2019 00:18

My MIL is very nice, but she tries too hard. She's always wanted to have a mother-daughter relationship with me, she initially wanted me to call her Mum. She's also very tactile, wants hugs and kisses, and I really don't cope well with that. (I suffered SA as a child and I have difficulty seeing touch as being a positive thing.)

But she's a lovely Grandma to our DDs and I really appreciate that.

Alleycat1 · 07/02/2019 00:19

They are not all difficult. I have had two, one American and one English, both absolute darlings. I was especially close to the former and we continued to be very close after my marriage broke down.

Redshoeblueshoe · 07/02/2019 00:26

Green as long as you are a decent person your DS won't feel like that.
I am a Mil and I hope that they all love me, but some of the things you see on here are dreadful.
MissC that's lovely

EatingBreadAndHoney · 07/02/2019 00:31

My second MIL was lovely. Really miss her.

First was a bitch from hell, she's only still alive because even the devil doesn't want her back in hell with him!

BitterLemonTart · 07/02/2019 00:48

She's no longer with us but I had one of the best. I looked forward to seeing her and we had the same interests in books, taste in music etc. Miss her terribly.
With two DSs I really hope I can be half the MIL she was.

Picknickers · 07/02/2019 00:53

My exMIL, on meeting me for the first time (and I apologise for this because it is truly offensive) said "Oh you're a Southerner. Just one step up from him being with a black." The relationship went downhill from there. Vile hideous nasty woman. There are too many incidents to put here but that fist one took the biscuit.

DoJo · 07/02/2019 01:49

Mine is lovely - if she has a fault it's that she's too accommodating and sometimes it's hard to make arrangements because she's always trying to make things easier for us and so won't acknowledge that she has a preference even when we are happy to work around her!

justilou1 · 07/02/2019 04:22

Mine can't understand why I refuse to bring my children up to be racist and homophobic now she has seen the light and become following the right-wing ways of her new husband. Fortunately she lives a LONG way from us, and mobile reception can be faked to be terrible. (Lots of hang-ups.)

Auntiepatricia · 07/02/2019 04:33

Mine is fab!

The with dresses at the wedding in the OP is a total non event. The extra large nighty is batshit. The plug in the wall is a little odd but nothing to freak out about.

I sometimes wonder if DILs are as much dicks as MILs are awful.

theworldistoosmall · 07/02/2019 04:53

My first mil was fabulous. She really doted on me and welcomed me with open arms into the family. We spent hours together, went places together. After we split, she verbally laid into the ex for fucking up as did his siblings lol. After the dust settled we remained friendly for nearly 30 years. I miss her a lot. She was a better mum to me than my own mum. When she died a few years ago, the family insisted I went.

The second mil, fuck she was a nasty bitch. Early stages of pregnancy, horrific sickness and in that knackered mode. Exes adult nephews came to stay. I was having a nap, they were cooking before they went out. Somehow they had started a fire and I woke up to an empty smoky house. It was all my fault. Overbearing, showing up constantly. Knew I was a veggie and would serve meat on my place, everything covered in meat gravy and told me to eat around it. Her cunt of a son couldn't do anything wrong. Told SS I was a drug user and alcoholic, went onto repeat all this shite and more in a witness statement for custody. Extremely racist and we constantly argued as she would be a cunt to my family. Homophobic and often chased my best mate down the street screaming abuse at him. Banned the bitch from the house as I couldn't take it anymore, and the amount of shite she told people was hysterical such as she refused to come to the house as she had caught me in bed with the exes cousins (yes plural). I'd gone away for the day, ex got arrested and it was all my fault. I could go on.

After that one I made sure relationships involved old pils who lived thousands of miles away and couldn't get permission to travel.

GnomeDePlume · 07/02/2019 05:01

I think it is not uncommon for parents to struggle a bit with where the boundaries should sit once their 'child' is in a relationship. Some don't recognise that the boundary even with their own DC has moved out a bit.

MiL might have done the electric blanket thing without thinking and then later is embarrassed when she realises that this was overstepping the boundary.

fermezzlabouche · 07/02/2019 05:19

Mines pretty great, usually much kinder/thoughtful than my Mum is to me.

For example I'm poorly so she's looking after my son today. We didn't ask, she saw I was unwell when collecting him yesterday and offered. My Mum is more the 'get on with it, you're fine if you don't have a leg hanging off' type.

I'm crap at sewing, and she will always fix/alter things for me, we share the cooking for occasions; Christmas, buffets and parties etc and I'll always remember that when I was pregnant and had horrendous sickness in the first 4-5 months she was constantly helping pack and clean as we were moving house.

frazzledasarock · 07/02/2019 05:36

My MIL is lovely, she does have a tendency of treating DP like a kid tho, I think she finds it hard to see him as a responsible adult and father.

But to me she has never ever overstepped the boundaries, altho to be fair I’m very laid back and love her for being so kind, loving and welcoming to me and my older dc (who aren’t dp’s).

Ex mil was an evil bitch from hell as was her son funnily enough.

Santaclarita · 07/02/2019 05:51

Mines lovely thank god. Although I think she's just happy I got her son to move out.

Flashinggreen · 07/02/2019 05:58

Mine is lovely, like an extra Mum. But can be a bit like @DoJo’s, you need to tell her you are fine and don’t need her help.

charlestonchaplin · 07/02/2019 06:11

Why would a bride get upset about a wedding guest wearing a white skirt and blouse, especially with a navy jacket? Was there any doubt who the bride was? If anyone was trying to upstage you, they could do it much more effectively in a dramatic non-white outfit. It colours the way I view the rest of your post.

BikeRunSki · 07/02/2019 06:31

My MiL is tube. A little dull at times, but really just fine.

The ejectruc blanket thing in the OP - maybe she’s of a generation who were very cautious of electric things and would unplug them if they weren’t being used, particularly high demand stuff like electric blankets.

Maybe she knocked first before she dmwebt in and got no reply because the OP and her DH were asleep. Presumably, if it was cold enough for an electric blanket, then they weren’t going to lying there naked?

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