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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MILs can't all be difficult?

32 replies

JustOneShadeOfGrey · 06/02/2019 23:38

Back in the last century when I was getting married, my MIL wore a white skirt and blouse with a small fitted navy jacket. I didn't think too hard about it, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt but she also dressed my SIL in mostly white (SIL has Down Syndrome and at the mercy of her DM).

I was reading this earlier www.msn.com/en-gb/lifestyle/wedding/mother-in-law-slammed-for-disrespectful-wedding-outfit-she-hid-from-bride/ar-BBTeD7Z?ocid=spartanntp and it brought back that memory. But I'm not precious. I wasn't a bridezilla (I think!). But there were other times MIL was just too much! Like the time she "couldn't resist this bargain in your size" bought me a silk nightie and robe in a designer sale. I am very tall but back then I was a size 10. The chosen ensemble was size 18-20.

My DM, who designed and made my wedding dress, told me after the wedding that MIL chided her for not padding out the chest area.

But I have left the best til last. On return from our honeymoon, we were collected from the airport by FIL and stayed at their house (our own car was 50 miles away and it was very late). MIL had the electric blanket on for us in the spare room (it was July!). I switched it off but left it plugged in at the wall. When we woke up the following morning, we found the blanket had been unplugged from the wall, whereby revealing at some point either MIL or FIL had been in our room. Shock Thankfully we were fully covered!!

Please tell me your MIL is/was also a challenge??

OP posts:
User383673 · 07/02/2019 06:39

Yours sounds like a nightmare!

I’m one of the lucky ones, mine is the absolute dream. Kind, generous, respectful, thoughtful, easy going, warm, helpful. I actively look forward to spending time with her and hugely enjoy her company.

I love my FIL dearly too, but with my MIL I can so clearly see how my DH ended up such a lovely man. I’ll never take her for granted because she’s just lovely.

EmiliaAirheart · 07/02/2019 06:41

Mine is a nice woman who’s always tried to make me feel welcome. However, we’re obviously from different times and even different cultures so there’s high potential for misunderstandings.

Just now I had to ask her, in a joking way, to give me a chance to latch baby on before she gazes at him adoringly. She didn’t take it well but I deserve the right to nipple privacy!

JasperKarat · 07/02/2019 07:18

@MissConductUS mine too! When I was pregnant and my back and provide too painful to drive she drove ab got and a half to pick me up to five another hour so I could be there when my family's dog was PTS she also drove my DM and DF (and the dog) there as she said it was an emotional time for us all and she'd like to. We'd never had an animal PTS before (he was very very poorly) and she was very comforting and reassurng to us all. She also (with DM and SIL) cleaned my house, and washed all of DSs baby clothes and bedding when I went into labour really early and hadn't done any of it, FIL helped DF build the baby's wardrobe too. MIL also made sure we had milk, bread etc for when I came out of hospital (nearly a week later and DH had been there with us fifteen hours a day)
So when we came home we could just focus on DS and not running around sorting things out.

She doesn't tell me what to do, she praises the way we look after DS, all she asks for is to be sent the odd picture/video as she lives about ninety minutes away and can't see DS all the time. She's also retired so when I go back to work we don't have to pay for childcare unless we want to.
I feel like I have to duck for covet now!

BambooB · 07/02/2019 07:22

OP chill out. Jesh.

CheshireSplat · 07/02/2019 07:25

Mine's lovely too and all 3 of her children in law get on with her. We joke that her main fault is that she doesn't always get involved as much as we'd like. Can't be too many children in law who say that. She's very kind, friendly, helps us with as hoc childcare without complaint.

Grumpasaurous · 07/02/2019 07:28

Mine is a doozy. Really a doozy.

  1. Wouldn’t let me and DP stay together at hers. She was recovering from an op and needed looking after, I was temping at the time so did the looking after. Stayed in the end but where else was I supposed to stay whilst caring for her 24/7
  1. When I had a major op, MIL booked herself in for an unnecessary procedure and demanded DP look after her (my parents were close by so hey helped me out. DP had little choice in the matter)
  1. When we got married she told DP it was fine if we got divorced. He could marry properly next time.
  1. Told DPs siblings I was very ill, intimated that it was HIV.

That’s just up to when we got married, 24 years ago.

Wrybread · 07/02/2019 07:37

My MIL is lovelySmile

Just genuinely a lovely person, as are all of my in laws. She's welcomed my dc straight into their family and sees them as GC, as do all the other relatives, but without stepping over boundaries.

And yes, she and FIL not only understand, but value healthy boundaries.

The same isn't true about my own parents....Sad

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